Universe: LB (nonfiction essay)
Word Count: 1000
Summary: How our recovered memory process works.
Notes: This essay was prompted and sponsored by dreamer_marie! I'm trying to cover material that hasn't already been discussed in our All In the Family comics or our Repressed Memory Guide. Perhaps you would find those interesting too.
Biff and I are at our men's group for survivors of sexual violence. The group is just starting, doing breathing exercises, when I feel sudden crippling dread.
( Read more... )
The closer that DID con rears, the more ambivalent I feel about it. On the one hand, it’s a networking opportunity I can’t pass up, having that many DID folks and their affiliates in one hotel. (Not to mention a chance to visit my Seattle peeps!) But I also feel REALLY uncomfortable about its tone and that Colin Ross is there. It’s making me painfully aware of the parts of the psych industry and DID/abuse recovery that bother me--mainly, the focus on the individual sufferer beyond all other things.
( Late night ramblings about doubt and uncertainty in regards to memory and multi stuff. )
The first time we did this, we lived in Texas and the multi was old enough to be our mother. They had never met another multiple, and they certainly never got proper care; their shrink apparently tried to force-integrate them until reading MPD for You and Me.
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We're harmless to others in this state... too harmless, which is why we've actively worked towards not doing it. Dissociated, we're extremely passive and docile; we look to others for direction because we know we're too crazy to trust our own judgment.
This is good, because it means other people can tell us not to jump off a bridge. But enterprising abusers can take advantage, and they have. They do something relatively minor to space us out, then do something major, and when we surface from the episode, pretend it never happened or that we misunderstand what transpired. And since they're the sane ones and we're crazy, obviously our judgment can't be trusted over theirs. They won't even have to cover their tracks, because dissociation distorts our memory. (For bonus points, add that when the memory does become clear, they can claim, "Well, it didn't bother you BEFORE, so obviously you're just trying to make me feel bad now, and it's too late to do anything anyway.") Dissociation is very handy around inescapable trauma; when it comes to abusers, though, it can keep the relationship going, because we can't learn from what we don't remember.
If you're a dissociative, and you notice that you're dissociating a lot more around someone, or find that your memory becomes increasingly scrambled and unreliable around them, that is something to be concerned about. You should not constantly need your coping mechanisms in a healthy relationship. Sure, hard times happen everywhere, but there's a difference between a stressful time and a stressful PERSON. Even if that person is not manipulating or harming you, you might just plain be bad for each other.
So you can imagine my annoyance when people flat-out tell me we CAN'T come out. Some multiples take it weirdly personally, to the point of getting angry, as though by coming out, I'm judging them or forcing them out. (Even though that's absurd; people do what they have to do, and their life choices are none of my business.)
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I am posting the information I gave publicly. I think Andy Blake is an abuser. Not was, is. His mental health, his supposed multiplicity, his IDENTITY, none of that affects his actions. I do not want anyone to think otherwise. However, because it's his identity we were asked to weigh in on: I do not believe Andy Blake is multiple. And even if he were, he'd just be an abusive multiple, no improvement.
A couple people have drawn parallels between Andy and ourself. We have both claimed to be multiple, we both have trans singlet presentations (though Andy likes to avoid admitting it), we have both claimed to have fictive members... we are even fairly close to the same age. The difference being, we haven't abused dozens of people and are not interested in using multiplicity as an excuse for bad behavior.
I have debunked Andy Blake's claims of multiplicity before, in the two-part MST. Now I take on his more recent claims. Let's go.
( This is LONG. )
EDIT: one more thing. I have no interest in concealing Blake's identity or past actions. It is all easily Googlable and a matter of public record.
Lately, I’ve been reading some really good things on the specifics of abuse regarding LGBT people, where abusers take advantage of someone’s LGBT status (be it their victim’s or their own) as a tool to help them abuse. This has gotten me thinking about abusive systems I’ve known in the past, and so I’m going to talk about how people can use multi as a tool of abuse—on both perp and vic side.( Read more... )
I was brought up in the "healthy multiplicity" community online, which basically argues that being multiple is not necessarily a mental illness. Which was a godsend to us when we were young and had "only" undergone the Raping Year--by DID trauma terms, that's nothing. We didn't feel traumatized enough for DID, and our memory seemed pretty contiguous, and "healthy multiplicity" gave us an alternative, allowing us to identify ourselves as multi without the huge therapeutic baggage associated with it.
A lot of our early comics and zines reflect this, FTMPD in particular. Within our tiny subculture, we became decently known for our viewpoint on multiplicity, on being an "example." God help me, there were people who saw us as someone worthy of looking up to.
And then the Bad Years happened.
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I can only imagine that this wisdom is meant for people with the complete opposite temperament of mine. I don't have a problem with motivation or concentration. I have a problem with all-encompassing hyperfocus that puts me in an ecstatic state where nothing is more important than the art, not my loved ones, not rest, not even food. And if you think that's admirable, try it. 'Starving artist' indeed.
So if I find a lot of the wisdom and tropes surrounding working artists to be toxic, what do I do instead?
( A long talk about process. )
( How I became 'the mental health comics guy' )
( Some minor spoilers for a thirteen year old computer game. )
( Spoilers! )
Our first exposure to Lex Luthor was through the Superman cartoon of the mid-90s. So our mental image of Lex Luthor has been and always will be, this guy:
In our opinion, it's a good look for Luthor. (And a great voice, but Clancy Brown is inimitable.) He's refined, classic, dignified.
He's also, in our mind, biracial.
( Read more... )