Inappropriate For Children
Aug. 19th, 2022 09:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lb_leeTwo years after it came out, Maia Kobabe's comic, Gender Queer, has become one the most banned books this year. It's been accused of being pornographic, pedophilic, and "too adult" for teenagers, with the presumption that (A) all these things are true, (B) that such things are harmful, and (C) such things must be removed from our libraries. You know, for the good of the children.
And I see these adults, posturing over a book they have not read and loudly proclaim they will never read, and I think of How Loathsome.
I grew up queer and trans in Texas, in a violent liberal family. There's a reason I didn't come out until I was safely adult and had moved out. In a family like mine, survival depended on learning the rules of the game without them ever being spoken. So without it being stated, I learned that I must not own books that were obviously queer, books that might cause my family to look at me with suspicion.
Library books, however, were temporary and thus easier to hide. If the cover or title were innocuous, our family wouldn't pay attention to them, and in our junior year of high school in our downtown public library, we found a comic called How Loathsome.
One of the creators, Ted Naifeh, did a kids' comic we enjoyed back then, the Courtney Crumrin comics. Eager for more Naifeh works, we looked his name up in the library catalog, How Loathsome popped up, and we checked it out. It might have said "for mature audiences" on the cover, but if it did, we would've thought that meant it was about politics or something.
How Loathsome is a comic intended for adults. Though it isn't pornographic, BDSM, strap-ons, threeways, and queer sex happen throughout, treated as ordinary. It was our first time ever seeing a strap-on before. I remember being surprised, taken aback.
But those feelings were nothing compared to when I saw my first trans guy ever.
He only appears for a few pages--performing karaoke, taking E, making out with a cis gay boy who discovers he's trans and storms off, only to get scolded by his friends and get over himself. At the end of the comic, you see the two young men holding hands.
When that nameless trans guy says, "No. I am NOT a girl," I remember a lightning strike of recognition. That was me.
I didn't know what to do with those feelings. Being multiple (and not knowing I was multiple), being the only male headmate at the time, I felt like I couldn't be trans. Numbers were against me. But I never forgot How Loathsome. It gave me a road map, a sign that someone like me might be possible.
When I see these protesting parents, clutching their pearls about the sexual filth corrupting their children, I remember How Loathsome, a comic I most certainly was not supposed to read until I was older, a comic that was everything those parents feared Gender Queer was but wasn't. (Though not pedophilic, but people use "pedophile" to mean a lot of different things, many of which have nothing to do with the safety of actual living children. For some people, "queer" and "pedophile" are synonyms.) Indeed, as a child, this comic exposed me to heroin use, strap-ons, play piercings, and threeways.
None of it harmed me.
This isn't to say books never fucked with my head. Piers Anthony wrote books that ostensibly were for kids (indeed, I was introduced to his work through my mother), but they were full of nubile underage girls jiggling boobily at the much older men they'd invariably end up with. (Remember that one when a fifteen-year-old girl got together with an eighty-year-old man-tree? And his age was considered a plus, because it made him chivalrous and respectful and all that? Haha, yeah...)
But even THOSE books, it's more complicated than "ban the pedo groomer filth." When I see people saying stuff like that, I get frustrated, because it's obviously intended to get me upset, emotional, and self-righteous, but isn't actually interested in helping me, even when ostensibly I was exactly the demographic they most worry over, the brutalized child being fed nonsense!
Piers Anthony had a legion of suicidal teenage female fans for a reason. Child Us read his books for a reason. Removing Piers Anthony from the shelves would not have solved the problem that I had, because Piers Anthony wasn't the problem. The problem was that I was a punching bag and sex toy for my relatives, in a society where such behavior was acceptable. Piers Anthony was a publishing success because it was acceptable in this society, but for all his faults, he was at least giving me an explanation why this was happening to me, and affirming that children like us had a right to escape, to happiness.
The books that were "appropriate" for me would not give me an explanation why, never mind any reassurance, because "appropriate" books preferred to pretend that children like me did not exist. We were inconvenient. We were upsetting. We and our experiences were inappropriate for children.
When your childhood, your self, is inappropriate for children, you are left thinking that people like you not only do not exist, but should not exist, for the good of the world. If you exist, then it means that you are a special kind of demon, a special kind of bad, and that is why these things are done to you. And then people seem surprised that suicide becomes more common in such demographics.
Make no mistake, the pearl-clutching adults are not protecting their children. They are protecting their control of their children. Because if they can ban Gender Queer, or make sure their children never touch a book like How Loathsome, then maybe their child will not end up queer, will not end up rebellious, will not end up inappropriate.
And that is why it is so important for our libraries to protect such books. Because even if you want to build a society where authors like Piers Anthony never succeed, you can't get there by banning his books. You have to just roll up your sleeves and build that society, and that's much harder work.
And I see these adults, posturing over a book they have not read and loudly proclaim they will never read, and I think of How Loathsome.
I grew up queer and trans in Texas, in a violent liberal family. There's a reason I didn't come out until I was safely adult and had moved out. In a family like mine, survival depended on learning the rules of the game without them ever being spoken. So without it being stated, I learned that I must not own books that were obviously queer, books that might cause my family to look at me with suspicion.
Library books, however, were temporary and thus easier to hide. If the cover or title were innocuous, our family wouldn't pay attention to them, and in our junior year of high school in our downtown public library, we found a comic called How Loathsome.
One of the creators, Ted Naifeh, did a kids' comic we enjoyed back then, the Courtney Crumrin comics. Eager for more Naifeh works, we looked his name up in the library catalog, How Loathsome popped up, and we checked it out. It might have said "for mature audiences" on the cover, but if it did, we would've thought that meant it was about politics or something.
How Loathsome is a comic intended for adults. Though it isn't pornographic, BDSM, strap-ons, threeways, and queer sex happen throughout, treated as ordinary. It was our first time ever seeing a strap-on before. I remember being surprised, taken aback.
But those feelings were nothing compared to when I saw my first trans guy ever.
He only appears for a few pages--performing karaoke, taking E, making out with a cis gay boy who discovers he's trans and storms off, only to get scolded by his friends and get over himself. At the end of the comic, you see the two young men holding hands.
When that nameless trans guy says, "No. I am NOT a girl," I remember a lightning strike of recognition. That was me.
I didn't know what to do with those feelings. Being multiple (and not knowing I was multiple), being the only male headmate at the time, I felt like I couldn't be trans. Numbers were against me. But I never forgot How Loathsome. It gave me a road map, a sign that someone like me might be possible.
When I see these protesting parents, clutching their pearls about the sexual filth corrupting their children, I remember How Loathsome, a comic I most certainly was not supposed to read until I was older, a comic that was everything those parents feared Gender Queer was but wasn't. (Though not pedophilic, but people use "pedophile" to mean a lot of different things, many of which have nothing to do with the safety of actual living children. For some people, "queer" and "pedophile" are synonyms.) Indeed, as a child, this comic exposed me to heroin use, strap-ons, play piercings, and threeways.
None of it harmed me.
This isn't to say books never fucked with my head. Piers Anthony wrote books that ostensibly were for kids (indeed, I was introduced to his work through my mother), but they were full of nubile underage girls jiggling boobily at the much older men they'd invariably end up with. (Remember that one when a fifteen-year-old girl got together with an eighty-year-old man-tree? And his age was considered a plus, because it made him chivalrous and respectful and all that? Haha, yeah...)
But even THOSE books, it's more complicated than "ban the pedo groomer filth." When I see people saying stuff like that, I get frustrated, because it's obviously intended to get me upset, emotional, and self-righteous, but isn't actually interested in helping me, even when ostensibly I was exactly the demographic they most worry over, the brutalized child being fed nonsense!
Piers Anthony had a legion of suicidal teenage female fans for a reason. Child Us read his books for a reason. Removing Piers Anthony from the shelves would not have solved the problem that I had, because Piers Anthony wasn't the problem. The problem was that I was a punching bag and sex toy for my relatives, in a society where such behavior was acceptable. Piers Anthony was a publishing success because it was acceptable in this society, but for all his faults, he was at least giving me an explanation why this was happening to me, and affirming that children like us had a right to escape, to happiness.
The books that were "appropriate" for me would not give me an explanation why, never mind any reassurance, because "appropriate" books preferred to pretend that children like me did not exist. We were inconvenient. We were upsetting. We and our experiences were inappropriate for children.
When your childhood, your self, is inappropriate for children, you are left thinking that people like you not only do not exist, but should not exist, for the good of the world. If you exist, then it means that you are a special kind of demon, a special kind of bad, and that is why these things are done to you. And then people seem surprised that suicide becomes more common in such demographics.
Make no mistake, the pearl-clutching adults are not protecting their children. They are protecting their control of their children. Because if they can ban Gender Queer, or make sure their children never touch a book like How Loathsome, then maybe their child will not end up queer, will not end up rebellious, will not end up inappropriate.
And that is why it is so important for our libraries to protect such books. Because even if you want to build a society where authors like Piers Anthony never succeed, you can't get there by banning his books. You have to just roll up your sleeves and build that society, and that's much harder work.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-20 03:02 am (UTC)You reminded me of a quote from a recent book. I'd only gotten to the passage last night, actually.
"It was in those days after the devout folk came. After that, the folks in charge here amed me and all my kind wicked and ungodly, and they set spells to imprison us - all of us, in houses, fields, and woods - and told everyone we were gone for good. Though, mind you, I never could see why these devout folk could believe on the one hand that God made all, and on the other hand call us ungodly - but there you go. It was done."
pp.593, The Chronicles of Crestomanci Volume II, Diana Wynne Jones.
... I won't try to pick apart the utter stupidity of people who insist X should be banned with no understanding of it. I doubt it needs to be said here.
Or that taking away information is often only to control, not to aid an informed decision or show why something is bad. The people doing that aren't the kind to take their proclaimed Bad Thing and use it as a reference while they give additional information on why they have come to the conclusion that Bad Thing is Bad.
That would require understanding Bad Thing, and whatever accessory material they're forming opinions from.
They're spouting horseshit and they don't have anything to keep it going but brute force.
- Sigurd
no subject
Date: 2022-08-20 03:17 am (UTC)No one wants to treat children and teens like people, and the people who ban books like this...man. If I had been exposed to a book that explained nonbinary identity, if I had known that existed before I went through puberty and my parents had been accepting? My life could have been so different. And they really want to make the kids who felt like we did that they can't possibly exist.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-20 08:38 pm (UTC)And while I kinda wish I hadn't been in a position to NEED Piers Anthony books... we got what we got. (And also, like I mentioned earlier, it was our mother who originally introduced us to Anthony's books! As far as I know, none of his work has been banned, and people tend to remember it as lighthearted, childish fun; my middle school library had some of his books. There's a BIG difference in how our culture sees Anthony's books, versus how they see books like Gender Queer.)
no subject
Date: 2022-08-20 04:36 am (UTC)I’ve seen this talked about in relation to African-American kids, too. That it’s considered child-inappropriate to talk factually about things they deal with in real life.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-20 08:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-08-20 05:14 pm (UTC)It's ironic that around the same time as there's currently a banned book fiasco happening in Texas that there's a poorly thought out list of "problematic books" going around on twitter probably from the same sort of person who would be against banning books in schools.
Because of things like this I'm not very sympathetic to the "no kink at pride" discourse because I've yet to see evidence that the mere knowledge that sex exists is inherently harmful to children. The most vulnerable kids are the ones who weren't taught anything about sex or bodily autonomy at all, so it seems to me that kids would be empowered by that knowledge.
--Janusz
no subject
Date: 2022-08-20 06:09 pm (UTC)*agrees thoroughly*
no subject
Date: 2022-08-20 08:57 pm (UTC)Can you IMAGINE if someone tried to say, "That ring means you're fucking your wife! I haven't consented to that! How dare you force your sexuality on nonconsenting people!" They'd be laughed out of town, if the married people were heterosexual and the same race and all. But because we see a zillion wedding rings every day, we're desensitized to it. We don't consider a collar analogous to a wedding ring; we see it as analogous to slobbery making out in the office.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-21 05:27 am (UTC)Well and truly said. (I feel like I should agree at length but 1) I'm tired 2) you're right so what more is there to say?)
no subject
Date: 2022-08-20 08:53 pm (UTC)The only other book from that time period that I can really think of that might've served me similarly was Supervillainz, by Alicia Goranson, and that was an EXTREMELY small press. It might've made it to a library in Boston, where Goranson was living at the time, but Texas? No way.
It's really hard to express just how HUGE trans YA books have become just in the past decade. Back when I was in library school in 2010, I did a project on trans YA books, and I had to resort to bootlegged scanlations of manga just to get enough works! I could count the number of traditionally published trans YA books on one hand, and a number of them ended very badly for the trans character (getting murdered, being run out of school and having to leave town...). That has changed a lot in the past ten years, and I'm glad.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-20 06:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-08-21 09:46 am (UTC)I really like your point about how like...these things do happen to children, and not letting them see themselves reflected in the media they consume isn't going to make the bad things go away or not happen, it's just going to make the children feel more alone.
~Sor
no subject
Date: 2022-08-21 06:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-08-23 03:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-08-25 05:13 am (UTC)We very much agree. Banning books is ridiculous, and it never works. If you don't want people to read the book, make a world where they don't want or need to read the book--make a world with more options, not less. Don't want kids learning about trans men through "pornographic" books? Give them more "polite" books with trans men.
We do also appreciate the acknowledgement that "pedophilia" in this case is pretty much devoid of all meaning. We deeply dislike the term "pedophilic" being invoked in these cases, or even used synonymously to... anything. Getting people to believe an involuntary mental health condition most often experienced by CSA survivors is equivalent to the choices of adults who abused them was a very well done trick. Even better to make that health condition equal voluntary abuser equal anyone trying to help children understand their sexuality. Almost like their hatred of "pedophiles" was never about helping kids at all.
Because of course it wasn't, then we'd have to acknowledge abusers don't view their victims as people they can't help but hurt, but instead as tools for personal gratification. And then we might have to acknowledge that we can be like that--even worse, that we're the abusers! The horror of self-accountability!
I learned so much more about my experiences, healthy boundaries, keeping myself safe, and recovery from paraphile-supporting transsexual kinksters than any triple bleached copy of a lukewarm sex ed book I got in school.
no subject
Date: 2022-08-26 03:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-08-28 01:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-08-28 02:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-08-29 09:27 pm (UTC)Christ. Thank you for sharing this. I clearly need to take a look at some of my intuitions around "appropriateness" and keep in mind they might reinforce shame and stigma, not to mention parental power over children (which parents sometimes use in quite damaging and abusive ways). Young people absolutely need to have sources about sexuality and gender that aren't their parents or church or the mainstream media, even if it is troubling to think of some of the stuff they might engage with in the process. But being kept ignorant, or fed ideological nonsense about the sinfulness of gay sexuality or whatever, is also a form of harm. In general, you're raising important points here and this testimony is important.
I've never experienced CSA so I can't speak to that, but I absolutely felt ashamed as a young teenager about my "inappropriate" experiences, especially some of my OCD themes and sexual thoughts. (I'll keep it non-graphic, but I was definitely seeking out information about sexual stuff at an age where I'd have probably gotten in trouble for that had anyone asked.) It's hard to know where to turn when you're a young teenager who's having experiences you feel are not "allowed" to have, that maybe make you a "bad person", and have no idea how to interpret them.