Self-Hate and Social Justice Bibliography

[lb_lee]

Because people are responding to my post about social justice and self-hate, I thought I'd list the things that helped me escape the tarpit. Some of you have likely seen me mention these before, sorry.

Naturally, all of these works are flawed and imperfect. That's indeed PART of why they were helpful for me! Part of escaping the tarpit was letting go of moral perfectionism. There are no saviors here, only people. Link your own sanity-savers in the comments below!

Allison, Dorothy. "Public Silence, Private Terror." Skin: Talking About Sex, Class & Literature. Ithaca: Firebrand, 1984, 1994. Accessed August 12, 2024. https://efigies-ateliers.hypotheses.org/files/2014/11/Allison-public-silence-private-terror.pdf

"I got caught up in the Barnard Sex Scandal of 1982. A year earlier I had helped organize the Lesbian Sex Mafia [...]. In addition, I had started publishing my fiction and essays on incest, family violence, and sexuality. The combination of activities had made me question what, at that time, was the dominant feminist ideology on pornography. I did all this without thinking too much about the possible results [...] when I found myself accused of being a pawn of the patriarchy, an antifeminist writer, and a pimp for the pornographers, I was surprised and unsure how to reply."

Bulldagger, Rocko [August Eckhardt]. Bleached Blonde Bimbos, I and II. Self-published, 2004, 2005. Accessed February 20, 2025. https://archive.qzap.org/index.php/Detail/Entity/Show/entity_id/76

"So many strict rules about how to be what you are, what to call it, and how you can expect others to relate to it. All this rigidity seems to be isolating, resulting in a cycle of pain, loneliness and bitterness, trying to find people exactly like yourself because they will understand but no one else will, consequently being disappointed, becoming more rigid, more hurt, stricter and more precise about your language and identity... and on and on..." (Bleached Blonde Bimbos II, "The End of Genderqueer," pg. 10)

CIA. Simple Sabotage Field Manual. Washington, D.C.: Office of Strategic Services, 1944. Accessed August 12, 2024. https://www.hsdl.org/c/view?docid=750070

"(7) Insist on perfect work in relatively unimportant products; send back for refinishing those which have the least flaw. Approve other defective parts whose flaws are not visible to the naked eye."

Clarke, Burton. "Cy Ross and the S.Q. Syndrome." New York Native, 1981.

"Vince, did you hear what he called me?! A SNOW QUEEN!!" "Well, Cy... it's kinda true, isn't it? I mean, when WAS the last time you slept with another black man??"

Craft, William. Running a Thousand Miles for Freedom: The Escape of William and Ellen Craft from Slavery. Baton Rouge: Louisiana State University, 1860, 1999. https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/585

"I know that those who are not familiar with the working of "the peculiar institution" can scarcely imagine any one so totally devoid of all natural affection as to sell his own offspring into returnless bondage. But Shakespeare, that great observer of human nature, says, "With caution judge of probabilities. / Things deemed unlikely, e'en impossible, / Experience often shows us to be true."

deBoer, Freddie. "Some Principles & Observations About Social Justice Politics," 2021. Accessed August 12, 2024. https://freddiedeboer.substack.com/p/some-principles-and-observations

"A few things to remember about this scenario is that Sonic the Hedgehog is for children, Knuckles is an echidna and echidnas do not conform to human racial categories, and Knuckles is not real. What could be the relevance of this debate to the movement for racial justice?"

Escobar, Maya. Skin. Self-published, 2021. Accessed August 12, 2024. https://www.mayaescobar.art/portfolio/skin [first page only]

"Growing up, I simply had no vocabulary to talk about what I was was. Forget Afrolatinidad, Latina, Afro-Caribbean--I didn't even hear the terms "biracial" and "interracial" until my late teens."

Fisher, Mark. "Exiting the Vampire Castle." 2013. Accessed August 12, 2024. https://www.opendemocracy.net/en/opendemocracyuk/exiting-vampire-castle/

"Earlier this year, there were some high-profile twitterstorms, in which particular left-identifying figures were ‘called out’ and condemned. What these figures had said was sometimes objectionable; but nevertheless, the way in which they were personally vilified and hounded left a horrible residue: the stench of bad conscience and witch-hunting moralism. The reason I didn’t speak out on any of these incidents, I’m ashamed to say, was fear. The bullies were in another part of the playground. I didn’t want to attract their attention to me."

Freeman, Jo [Joreen]. "Trashing: The Dark Side of Sisterhood." Ms., (April 1976): 49-51, 92-98. Accessed August 12, 2024. https://www.jofreeman.com/joreen/trashing.htm

"Trashing may even be thinly veiled by the newest group techniques of criticism/self-criticism, mediation, and therapy. Whatever methods are used, [...] This attack is accomplished by making you feel that your very existence is inimical to the [feminist] Movement and that nothing can change this short of ceasing to exist. These feelings are reinforced when you are isolated from your friends as they become convinced that their association with-you is similarly inimical to the Movement and to themselves. Any support of you will taint them. Eventually all your colleagues join in a chorus of condemnation which cannot be silenced, and you are reduced to a mere parody of your previous self.")

Haldane, Araxie. "Pure of Heart." (2016), accessed August 12, 2024. https://soundcloud.com/user-628290807/pure-of-heart

The unicorn scoffed and she drew back her head with a shudder.
“I knew it! You arrogant mortals have never been pure!
Perhaps if you’re humble enough you may gain some forgiveness
But you’ll never be perfect. You’re sullied, and I have no cure!”

Hollibaugh, Amber and Moraga, Cherrie. "What We're Rollin' Around In Bed With: Sexual Silences in Feminism: A Conversation toward Ending Them". 1981. A Persistent Desire: A Femme/Butch Reader. Boston: Alyson Books, 1992.

"I remember at one meeting breaking down after eveyrbody was talking about being a lesbian very delicately. I began crying. I remember saying, 'I can't help it. I just... want her. I want to feel her.' And everybody forgiving me. It was this atmosphere of me exorcising this crude sexual need for women."

Huber, Cheri. There Is Nothing Wrong With You, revised edition. Keep It Simple Books, 2001.

"Self-hate is invested in convincing you that you are an awful person, that deep down inside you there is some Horrible Thing. Why? Because it stays in charge that way. It can just say BOO! and you'll jump back and do whatever it says. But you can call its bluff simply by saying, "BRING OUT THE HORRIBLE THING. SHOW IT TO ME."

Lee, PH. "The V*mpire." Reactor Mag. (2024), access October 30, 2024. https://reactormag.com/the-vampire-p-h-lee/

"Friendly reminder that not inviting vampires into your house is viviocentrism. Stop being viviocentric!"

Mixon, Laura. "A Report on Damage Done by One Individual Under Several Names." (2014), accessed August 12, 2024. https://feralsapient.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Requires-Hate-full-report.pdf

"Benjanun Sriduangkaew has established herself over the past two years as a well-liked and talented newer [sci-fi] writer. As a lesbian Thai woman, she identifies as a member of a highly marginalized community, and there has been quite a bit of excitement in progressive circles around her rise in popularity as a short story writer. [...] The bulk of her targets—despite her progressively-slanted rhetoric—have been women, people of color, and other marginalized or vulnerable people."

Nestle, Joan. "Voices from Lesbian Herstory" and "My History with Censorship." A Restricted Country. New York: Firebrand, 1987, accessed October 16, 2024. https://transreads.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/2024-03-21_65fbab8f192b6_Arestrictedcountry-NestleJoan1940-IthacaN.Y.1987-IthacaN.Y.FirebrandBooks-9780932379375-d3baf967efaba267e721d81cc9441ca2-AnnasArchive.pdf

"two journals I write for, Bad Attitude and On Our Backs, have not been allowed into many women's bookstores around this country and in Canada because the contents were found to be "prosado-masochistic, antifeminist, antiwoman, anti-Semitic, and racist." Now, as you all know, these are the words that call for exile from our community, for there is no argument possible when this code is used. (As a Jewish woman, I find it ironic that Gentiles are in such a hurry to protect me from myself.)"

Thandeka. Learning to be White: Money, Race, and God in America. Continuum, 1999.

"The nature of the agony brought on by his refusal to risk exile [from whiteness, by pissing off his white fraternity brothers] thus could not be grasped using the standard racial categories of judgment and damnation that assume discriminatory racial acts against others by Euro-Americans always arise from racism, prejudice, and bigotry. Such an approach would simply racialize the deepest level of Dan's distress: his need to retain membership in his own community [...]. The charge of racism would thus act like a prisoner's stun belt used to exact a confession. His tears would count as evidence of his sinfulness. Dan's internal turmoil, in a word, would become prima facie evidence of guilt. Although he is not a racist, Dan might confess his guilt as a racist because this was the only way to stop the charge of racism for his act and also because racism was the only category he had to express a deeper loss and regret: his stifled feelings and blunted desires for a more inclusive community. But Dan did not cry during our lunch together in the restaurant because he was a racist. He cried because his impulses to moral action had been slain by his own fear of racial exile."

Thandeka. "Why Anti-Racism will Fail." Journal of Liberal Religion. 1 (Fall 1999), accessed October 4, 2024. https://www.meadville.edu/files/resources/thandeka-why-anti-racism-will-fail-447.pdf (1)

"In short, Barndt insists that whites will always remain sinners because their nature is corrupted. They are thus slaves to what Barndt calls - and again [I] use his language - the original sin of racism. Lacking all agency, they thus can't effect their own salvation. In short, they need a savior. And in the Barndt theology, this savior isn't Jesus but, in a brash leap, "'people of color.'"

Trungpa, Chögyam. Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism. Boulder, CO: Shambhala, 1973.

“We do not have to be ashamed of what we are. As sentient beings we have wonderful backgrounds. These backgrounds may not be particularly enlightened or peaceful or intelligent. Nevertheless, we have soil good enough to cultivate; we can plant anything in it.”

Comments

[acorn_squash]

I love the inclusion of the CIA document aldfkfdljk

If I might ask for a spot of help - do you have any idea where to obtain Skin? DuckDuckGo doesn't seem to know anything about Exquisite Corpse, the anthology it's part of.

[lb_lee]

Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be available online! I traded Escobar for it in person at a con. I have decent odds of running into her again and can snag you a copy for $5 or if you promise to return it, I am willing to loan you my copy through the mail.

[lb_lee]

Since Skin is so hard to find, I scanned the whole thing for private use. If you want a crummy crappy PDF of it so you can take it in, I can email it to you.

[minoanmiss]

takes note

[talewisefellowship]

[Janusz]

Maybe a worthy add to the bibliography:

The Dehumanizing Condescension of White Fragility

The popular book aims to combat racism but talks down to Black people.

By John McWhorter

live link

archive link

(imo John McWhorter is a flawed writer with both good takes and bad takes, but I think he is on the right track with this one. But then I saw what you said at the beginning and you're right.)

[nevanna]

Thank you for making this list! The de Boer article is incredible and I love that you included the unicorn song as well.

This tumblr thread on scrupulosity has also been very helpful to me.