The Eternal Heroic Struggle
Oct. 22nd, 2024 12:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lb_lee(Inspired by talking with armaina)
In my line of work, I meet many a fiery young person fresh to the multi trenches, determined to Join The Cause and make good in the world. A lot of them are gone within a year.
There are many reasons for this, but I want to talk about one in specific: the politics of resentment.
It's a fancy term for when your cause isn't so much fighting for good as fighting AGAINST what you see as evil. It's the difference between, say, being devoted to your fellow black people because you love them and want good things for you all, versus focusing on hating and fighting asshole racists. Obviously, sometimes these two things come together... but never, EVER should you forget the difference, or the balance between them.
Spite can motivate you through many a thing, but if you hang your life on it, eventually it will kill you. You will burn out, your soul will shrivel like a raisin, you will be fucking miserable but never allow yourself to stop fighting because THE STRUGGLE NEVER ENDS. The douchebags never go away, so by god you must be there to fight them! Forever!
When you define yourself by struggle, you perversely become invested in maintaining that struggle. In other words, the battle must never end. You can never allow yourself to permanently win, because if your enemy ever disappears, you'll have nothing to hang your sense of self on. We have all met that bitter, joyless motherfucker who is unable to celebrate any victory because they're never good enough, who is always angry, incapable of holding a conversation that doesn't cycle back to The Struggle. I have been that person. I was not fun at parties. (Sidenote)
Larry Mitchell (RIP) even makes fun of this tendency in his 1977 book, The Faggots & Their Friends Between Revolutions:
I do my work because it gives me pleasure. I truly get a thrill when I chase down some weird, rare old out-of-print multi book, feed it through the bookscanner, and release it to the commons. It's like exotic game hunting, only nobody gets shot. It makes me happy. (I am specifically NOT saying that I love my work, because "love" for some people can mean "passionate obsession for that which harms me" and fuck that for a game of soldiers.) I get a sense of immense meaning and satisfaction when I am able to help a fellow multi with something, or find them something they like. I enjoy this regardless of whether we're currently being oppressed or not.
Fighting douchey ableists is not nearly as satisfying. It mostly just makes me feel ugly inside. Outrage seems to be a pleasant, powerful feeling for a lot of people, and enough people that I respect have claimed its usefulness that it surely must be true for some people, but I'm not one of them. Anger is usually exhausting and depleting for me, making me LESS effective, LESS energetic, and the few times it DOES give me an energy boost, I tend to behave regrettably under its influence.
I'm not working AGAINST ableists; I'm working FOR multis. There's a difference. And I advise anyone who wants to attempt similar work to learn that difference: are you motivated to fight AGAINST someone... or work FOR someone?
Sidenote: This can also lead to the tendency to befriend or ally yourself with any douchebag who shares your enemy, no matter how heinous their behavior. Sharing a struggle or source of oppression doesn't mean you'll actually get along, or even that you're decent people.
armaina)In my line of work, I meet many a fiery young person fresh to the multi trenches, determined to Join The Cause and make good in the world. A lot of them are gone within a year.
There are many reasons for this, but I want to talk about one in specific: the politics of resentment.
It's a fancy term for when your cause isn't so much fighting for good as fighting AGAINST what you see as evil. It's the difference between, say, being devoted to your fellow black people because you love them and want good things for you all, versus focusing on hating and fighting asshole racists. Obviously, sometimes these two things come together... but never, EVER should you forget the difference, or the balance between them.
Spite can motivate you through many a thing, but if you hang your life on it, eventually it will kill you. You will burn out, your soul will shrivel like a raisin, you will be fucking miserable but never allow yourself to stop fighting because THE STRUGGLE NEVER ENDS. The douchebags never go away, so by god you must be there to fight them! Forever!
When you define yourself by struggle, you perversely become invested in maintaining that struggle. In other words, the battle must never end. You can never allow yourself to permanently win, because if your enemy ever disappears, you'll have nothing to hang your sense of self on. We have all met that bitter, joyless motherfucker who is unable to celebrate any victory because they're never good enough, who is always angry, incapable of holding a conversation that doesn't cycle back to The Struggle. I have been that person. I was not fun at parties. (Sidenote)
Larry Mitchell (RIP) even makes fun of this tendency in his 1977 book, The Faggots & Their Friends Between Revolutions:
The faggots have never been asked to join the vanguard. The faggots, it was noticed, do not know how to keep a straight face and the vanguard demands constantly straight faces. The faggots, it was noticed, want only to eat so they can play love play while the vanguard demands endless talk about the hunger of others and the seriousness of work. The faggots, it was noticed, are too quick to believe that the revolution has come and so too quick to celebrate. The vanguard demands that the revolution go on forever and so demands that the celebration only be planned, never enacted. (22)You can't care about a thing purely to fight evil. You must love the thing, completely independent of the forces opposing it. You must live, not just fight.
I do my work because it gives me pleasure. I truly get a thrill when I chase down some weird, rare old out-of-print multi book, feed it through the bookscanner, and release it to the commons. It's like exotic game hunting, only nobody gets shot. It makes me happy. (I am specifically NOT saying that I love my work, because "love" for some people can mean "passionate obsession for that which harms me" and fuck that for a game of soldiers.) I get a sense of immense meaning and satisfaction when I am able to help a fellow multi with something, or find them something they like. I enjoy this regardless of whether we're currently being oppressed or not.
Fighting douchey ableists is not nearly as satisfying. It mostly just makes me feel ugly inside. Outrage seems to be a pleasant, powerful feeling for a lot of people, and enough people that I respect have claimed its usefulness that it surely must be true for some people, but I'm not one of them. Anger is usually exhausting and depleting for me, making me LESS effective, LESS energetic, and the few times it DOES give me an energy boost, I tend to behave regrettably under its influence.
I'm not working AGAINST ableists; I'm working FOR multis. There's a difference. And I advise anyone who wants to attempt similar work to learn that difference: are you motivated to fight AGAINST someone... or work FOR someone?
Sidenote: This can also lead to the tendency to befriend or ally yourself with any douchebag who shares your enemy, no matter how heinous their behavior. Sharing a struggle or source of oppression doesn't mean you'll actually get along, or even that you're decent people.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-22 07:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-22 08:52 pm (UTC)We've seen a ton of people burn out (or become incredibly mean and aggressive people over time) on discourse slapfights that were simply far too much energy spent over people who could be solved with a block.
There was a saying we saw, something to the effect of 'its safer to the people around you to love (x minority) than to hate (x oppressor)', and thats almost invariably true that we have found.
Cultivating a space that people are safe and cared for will always be better than going out and Dunking On The Bigots.
There are times when argumentative/persuasive things are necessary to debunk misinformation or somesuch, but they dont need to involve giving hateful people direct airtime. Especially not all day every day! Discoursers of all stripes dont quite seem to get that they can just... Not feed the trolls.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-23 03:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-23 02:30 am (UTC)(TW doesn’t really like the word “love” for this point, but neither of us can think of a better one. “care” is a bit too ambiguous. i think “love” works fine for a dreamwidth comment or jacket patch, though.) -crow&
no subject
Date: 2024-10-23 09:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-10-23 03:58 am (UTC)[Janusz]
I've heard it said that holding onto resentment is like holding onto a hot iron, you end up only burning yourself.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-23 09:09 pm (UTC)(As a side note, I see letting go of resentment as a completely separate thing from forgiveness, though a lot of people seem to equate the two.)
no subject
Date: 2024-10-23 07:10 am (UTC)Community-building is much, much more valuable but, I fear, something that's really lacking in the current era.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-23 09:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-01-09 02:48 am (UTC)So yeah. Spite is fun, but joy is _real_ or something like that.
~Sor
no subject
Date: 2025-01-09 03:58 am (UTC)Also, I just feel like with ableism, it's a neverending geyser of supply and if I actually focused too much on it, I would just plummet into total despair and not do ANYTHING.