Edward Cullen Adventures!
Mar. 9th, 2012 09:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lb_leeSo, here's how I've survived the past three days! Welcome to the first two strips of....
Strip One: Introducing Edward Cullen!
Strip 2: The Long Dark Sparkly Tea-Time of the Soul
PS: I feel like a human being now.
[Script: Strip 1: Introducing Edward Cullen]
So, sometimes I envision my self-hate as Eddie Cullen.
(Eddie stands smiling and sparkling.)
He follows me EVERYWHERE.
(Edward Cullen bounds into the shower, declaring with a manic grin, "You smell like freesia and failure!" We clasp our rubber ducky and shriek, "AAAAAAHWTF.")
He makes everything about him, him, HIM.
(We stand with an ingratiating smile. "Eddie, Eddie, I wrote a book!")
(Edward Cullen looks at us smugly. "Is it an award-winning fan fad?"
("Uh, no.")
("I see."
And while he may, on the surface, seem persuasive and reasonable...
(We sit fuming and frustrated over some writing that has Eddie's helpful comment in red of, YOU SUCK.)
(Edward leans over us smiling and says, "What's the matter? Can't take constructive criticism? You won't get anywhere that way...")
(We jump up and wave our fist in a startled Edward Cullen's face. "What the hell is your problem? All you do is tell me I suck all the time? You give nothing of value to my life, only paralysis of fear, doubt, and disgust! Tell. Me. WHY.")
...he's really full of shit.
(Edward stands up and puts a hand over his heart and says soothingly, "Because you need me.")
(We roar, "THE HELL I DO!")
He is best ignored, mocked, and most of all, DITCHED.
(We walk away. Edward looks horrified and cries, "Wait? Where are you going? WHO WILL MOTIVATE YOU?" We just give him the finger.)
Strip #2: The Long, Dark, Sparkly Tea Time of the Soul
Getting rid of Eddie is harder than it sounds.
(We sit drawing at our desk, and Edward Cullen has his face pressed against our window, helpfully saying, "Still haven't mastered backgrounds, I see.")
He really has NOTHING better to do with his time.
(We stand at the bread rack at the grocery shop, bread hanging forgotten in our hand as we make a horrified face, because there in the space on the shelf is Edward Cullen's face, as he declares, "Do you really DESERVE that bread?"
He is very persistent.
(We lay curled up in bed, a sad, vaguely traumatized look on our face while Edward gleefully stands above us, chanting, "You suck! You suck! You suck!")
Sometimes, Eddie wins.
(We pull the blankets over our head and sob. Edward throws up his hands and looks ecstatically triumphant.)
Strip One: Introducing Edward Cullen!
Strip 2: The Long Dark Sparkly Tea-Time of the Soul
PS: I feel like a human being now.
[Script: Strip 1: Introducing Edward Cullen]
So, sometimes I envision my self-hate as Eddie Cullen.
(Eddie stands smiling and sparkling.)
He follows me EVERYWHERE.
(Edward Cullen bounds into the shower, declaring with a manic grin, "You smell like freesia and failure!" We clasp our rubber ducky and shriek, "AAAAAAHWTF.")
He makes everything about him, him, HIM.
(We stand with an ingratiating smile. "Eddie, Eddie, I wrote a book!")
(Edward Cullen looks at us smugly. "Is it an award-winning fan fad?"
("Uh, no.")
("I see."
And while he may, on the surface, seem persuasive and reasonable...
(We sit fuming and frustrated over some writing that has Eddie's helpful comment in red of, YOU SUCK.)
(Edward leans over us smiling and says, "What's the matter? Can't take constructive criticism? You won't get anywhere that way...")
(We jump up and wave our fist in a startled Edward Cullen's face. "What the hell is your problem? All you do is tell me I suck all the time? You give nothing of value to my life, only paralysis of fear, doubt, and disgust! Tell. Me. WHY.")
...he's really full of shit.
(Edward stands up and puts a hand over his heart and says soothingly, "Because you need me.")
(We roar, "THE HELL I DO!")
He is best ignored, mocked, and most of all, DITCHED.
(We walk away. Edward looks horrified and cries, "Wait? Where are you going? WHO WILL MOTIVATE YOU?" We just give him the finger.)
Strip #2: The Long, Dark, Sparkly Tea Time of the Soul
Getting rid of Eddie is harder than it sounds.
(We sit drawing at our desk, and Edward Cullen has his face pressed against our window, helpfully saying, "Still haven't mastered backgrounds, I see.")
He really has NOTHING better to do with his time.
(We stand at the bread rack at the grocery shop, bread hanging forgotten in our hand as we make a horrified face, because there in the space on the shelf is Edward Cullen's face, as he declares, "Do you really DESERVE that bread?"
He is very persistent.
(We lay curled up in bed, a sad, vaguely traumatized look on our face while Edward gleefully stands above us, chanting, "You suck! You suck! You suck!")
Sometimes, Eddie wins.
(We pull the blankets over our head and sob. Edward throws up his hands and looks ecstatically triumphant.)
no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 02:12 am (UTC)~Elle
P.S. Glad you're feeling better.
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Date: 2012-03-09 04:06 pm (UTC)--Rogan
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Date: 2012-03-09 03:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 04:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 04:59 pm (UTC)edward cullen
Date: 2012-03-09 05:42 am (UTC)you're really talented.
and edward cullen really sucks.
we hope you find a way to kill his useless ass. - alex.
Re: edward cullen
Date: 2012-03-09 04:59 pm (UTC)Re: edward cullen
Date: 2012-03-09 05:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 06:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 04:06 pm (UTC)Yeah, that seems to be everyone's favorite panel, for some reason...
--Rogan
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Date: 2012-03-09 08:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 04:07 pm (UTC)--Rogan
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Date: 2012-03-09 03:32 pm (UTC)You can't handle the truth! You WANT me in this brain! You NEED me in this brain!
- Jealousy, Herman's Head
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Date: 2012-03-09 04:07 pm (UTC)PS, got the recipe! Thanks!
--Rogan
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Date: 2012-03-09 04:25 pm (UTC)Also, that is a great coping method. IDC what other people say. IT IS.
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Date: 2012-03-09 05:00 pm (UTC)I find that the best way I can deal with my issues is by MOCKING THEM. It turns them from something huge and scary and overpowering into something... small, petty, and sparkly.
--Rogan
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Date: 2012-03-09 04:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-09 05:00 pm (UTC)--Rogan
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Date: 2012-03-14 01:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 02:13 am (UTC)In singlet contexts, we ID as a trans guy (even though this is extremely disingenuous; me and hubby are guys, but the rest of the system is a woman and two non-binary children). If we're in a space with trans people, it's generally among friends so we're out of the closet. I haven't actually BEEN to a trans space in... jeez, a year and a half, maybe? Sorry.
--Rogan
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Date: 2012-03-14 03:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 01:29 pm (UTC)Enh, not necessarily. I'm trans, but my husband's also in this system and he IDs as firmly cis. (Long story why; basically he joined the system in his late twenties, and had a cis life beforehand.) Though if you ID as an ftm, by all means do so!
As for how we navigate, we're pretty much out of the closet to everyone who matters. (We're only in the closet at work and with our housemates, who were strangers to us when we moved in. Being out as multi, I discovered, makes it very hard to find strangers willing to live with you.) As a result, all our friends know our various genders and pronoun preferences (or just refer to us as our group name and 'they') regardless of our physical appearance or identification.
In singlet context, we ID as a trans guy, since me or my hubby are the main fronters in those contexts. We did this even before we had any medical procedure crap done; it's not like all trans guys pop out into the world looking like Clint Eastwood!
Mostly, we navigate gender by coming out as quickly as possible. If people can't handle that, then we ditch them and our problem is solved. Thus far, people have been good about learning our genders properly.
--Rogan
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Date: 2012-03-14 10:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-15 01:41 pm (UTC)Ah, I understand trying to rig things to make everything as comfortable for future system members as possible. Thankfully, our ranks are pretty solid; the last roster change we had was almost exactly five years ago, and that was a pretty unusual event. ("OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?")
We run our system by unanimous consensus (there's five of us) so with the mix of genders and names, it's been a bit of a trick, trying to find a compromise state. We haven't gotten around to changing our name yet, but we plan to change it to a form of the system name, since NOBODY here has the body name and NOBODY calls us it anymore except for doctors and family members who haven't adjusted. It's a bit of a balancing act at times, but so far seems to be working for us.
--Rogan
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Date: 2012-03-15 07:48 pm (UTC)That's actually a great idea, we can always change it to Puck if we go down that route. Why isn't this stuff discussed in
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Date: 2012-03-16 02:20 pm (UTC)Not in NYC, but we can take a bus down there and arrive in maybe five hours or so, and we have a friend on Long Island who we visit semi-regularly. So a regular group would be rough for us to make it to, but we could make it there every once in a while.
--Rogan
no subject
Date: 2012-03-18 01:15 am (UTC)