Edward Cullen Adventures!
Mar. 9th, 2012 09:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lb_leeSo, here's how I've survived the past three days! Welcome to the first two strips of....
Strip One: Introducing Edward Cullen!
Strip 2: The Long Dark Sparkly Tea-Time of the Soul
PS: I feel like a human being now.
[Script: Strip 1: Introducing Edward Cullen]
So, sometimes I envision my self-hate as Eddie Cullen.
(Eddie stands smiling and sparkling.)
He follows me EVERYWHERE.
(Edward Cullen bounds into the shower, declaring with a manic grin, "You smell like freesia and failure!" We clasp our rubber ducky and shriek, "AAAAAAHWTF.")
He makes everything about him, him, HIM.
(We stand with an ingratiating smile. "Eddie, Eddie, I wrote a book!")
(Edward Cullen looks at us smugly. "Is it an award-winning fan fad?"
("Uh, no.")
("I see."
And while he may, on the surface, seem persuasive and reasonable...
(We sit fuming and frustrated over some writing that has Eddie's helpful comment in red of, YOU SUCK.)
(Edward leans over us smiling and says, "What's the matter? Can't take constructive criticism? You won't get anywhere that way...")
(We jump up and wave our fist in a startled Edward Cullen's face. "What the hell is your problem? All you do is tell me I suck all the time? You give nothing of value to my life, only paralysis of fear, doubt, and disgust! Tell. Me. WHY.")
...he's really full of shit.
(Edward stands up and puts a hand over his heart and says soothingly, "Because you need me.")
(We roar, "THE HELL I DO!")
He is best ignored, mocked, and most of all, DITCHED.
(We walk away. Edward looks horrified and cries, "Wait? Where are you going? WHO WILL MOTIVATE YOU?" We just give him the finger.)
Strip #2: The Long, Dark, Sparkly Tea Time of the Soul
Getting rid of Eddie is harder than it sounds.
(We sit drawing at our desk, and Edward Cullen has his face pressed against our window, helpfully saying, "Still haven't mastered backgrounds, I see.")
He really has NOTHING better to do with his time.
(We stand at the bread rack at the grocery shop, bread hanging forgotten in our hand as we make a horrified face, because there in the space on the shelf is Edward Cullen's face, as he declares, "Do you really DESERVE that bread?"
He is very persistent.
(We lay curled up in bed, a sad, vaguely traumatized look on our face while Edward gleefully stands above us, chanting, "You suck! You suck! You suck!")
Sometimes, Eddie wins.
(We pull the blankets over our head and sob. Edward throws up his hands and looks ecstatically triumphant.)
Strip One: Introducing Edward Cullen!
Strip 2: The Long Dark Sparkly Tea-Time of the Soul
PS: I feel like a human being now.
[Script: Strip 1: Introducing Edward Cullen]
So, sometimes I envision my self-hate as Eddie Cullen.
(Eddie stands smiling and sparkling.)
He follows me EVERYWHERE.
(Edward Cullen bounds into the shower, declaring with a manic grin, "You smell like freesia and failure!" We clasp our rubber ducky and shriek, "AAAAAAHWTF.")
He makes everything about him, him, HIM.
(We stand with an ingratiating smile. "Eddie, Eddie, I wrote a book!")
(Edward Cullen looks at us smugly. "Is it an award-winning fan fad?"
("Uh, no.")
("I see."
And while he may, on the surface, seem persuasive and reasonable...
(We sit fuming and frustrated over some writing that has Eddie's helpful comment in red of, YOU SUCK.)
(Edward leans over us smiling and says, "What's the matter? Can't take constructive criticism? You won't get anywhere that way...")
(We jump up and wave our fist in a startled Edward Cullen's face. "What the hell is your problem? All you do is tell me I suck all the time? You give nothing of value to my life, only paralysis of fear, doubt, and disgust! Tell. Me. WHY.")
...he's really full of shit.
(Edward stands up and puts a hand over his heart and says soothingly, "Because you need me.")
(We roar, "THE HELL I DO!")
He is best ignored, mocked, and most of all, DITCHED.
(We walk away. Edward looks horrified and cries, "Wait? Where are you going? WHO WILL MOTIVATE YOU?" We just give him the finger.)
Strip #2: The Long, Dark, Sparkly Tea Time of the Soul
Getting rid of Eddie is harder than it sounds.
(We sit drawing at our desk, and Edward Cullen has his face pressed against our window, helpfully saying, "Still haven't mastered backgrounds, I see.")
He really has NOTHING better to do with his time.
(We stand at the bread rack at the grocery shop, bread hanging forgotten in our hand as we make a horrified face, because there in the space on the shelf is Edward Cullen's face, as he declares, "Do you really DESERVE that bread?"
He is very persistent.
(We lay curled up in bed, a sad, vaguely traumatized look on our face while Edward gleefully stands above us, chanting, "You suck! You suck! You suck!")
Sometimes, Eddie wins.
(We pull the blankets over our head and sob. Edward throws up his hands and looks ecstatically triumphant.)
