Feral Dumpster Rat

[lb_lee]

Rogan: There's a part of my brain I call Feral Dumpster Rat. It's not a headmate, it's just a behavior pattern and way of seeing the world. (Sorta like Edward Cullen, only Edward Cullen is way more ridiculous and entertaining to talk about.)



Feral Dumpster Rat is paranoid. It's always preparing, always planning for a crisis. If you've ever seen us doing a weird ascetic thing, it's probably Feral Dumpster Rat. It tries very hard not to get attached to anyone or anything, because that hinders escape. It is a very anxious rat, because its nature requires it to never relax. It's not a cheerful addition to any party.

It's easy to get mad at Feral Rat. It behaves in bizarre, frequently self-sabotaging ways, because what saves you in war screws you in peacetime... and the war never ends for Feral Dumpster Rat. It's easy to see it as a problem, an opponent. "Ugh, Dumpster Rat, why are you like this? You keep trying to eat spoiled food, you freak out whenever anything nice happens, and you have serious hang-ups about furniture."

But it is CHAMPION at survival, which is why it is still gainfully employed in our head. Feral Rat is often nervous, but it is NEVER shocked, and its plans are often really good, in really bad times! And it has always prepared those plans exhaustively in advance. Those plans have saved our butt a bunch of times.

Feral Rat is a good friend. It is just a very anxious one who never takes a vacation. Our madness, even the most intense kinds, are generally on our side.

I used to live 24/7 in Feral Rat mode. But things are better now. So I'm trying to gentle Feral Rat and encourage it to take breaks, soothe its anxiety rather than discounting or mocking it. Feral Rat should not be in charge of our life, and it doesn't want to be. At the end of the day, all Feral Rat wants is for things to be okay, which is unfortunately something that can't be guaranteed. So maybe my job is to build a life where Feral Rat CAN relax one day.

Comments

[lb_lee]

Feral Dumpster Rat also likes hiding in our closet! (No shirt nest.) It's a small, controlled environment with very little to do or look at, so I think it finds it calming.

Rogan

[beepbird]

I think that's why too- small, minimal sensory stimulus, a door to close to keep the space contained and keep people out, and it's a predictable place. Would recommend a shirt nest or other comfortable thing, makes it a lot nicer in there.

[lb_lee]

What I could really use is a meditation stool or cushion, honestly! It'd be a lot more comfy to sit in there then.

(It's weird to think of horking up emotions and memories as a meditation practice, but whatever, it's learning to sit, experience, and let intense sensations pass through me for the sake of understanding them better. So I guess arguably it counts, even if it's less "ohmmm" and more "BAWWW!"

Rogan

[beepbird]

We'd like a meditation stool just to sit on! They look more comfortable than regular chairs for weird sitting. Not something we'd personally put in our closet because it doesn't go well with "huddle up in a corner under some blankets so no one would see you if they opened the closet" but it would be nice for regular sitting. That, or one of those yoga ball chairs.

I think you could argue it's a form of meditation. Made me look up the definition- most sites seem to agree it's a state of focused attention and increased awareness, and some add "state of calm/relaxation" onto that. But if you stick to the former two, then it probably could be.

[lb_lee]

Genius Cat Owner has one she salvaged from a dumpster, and it was quite comfortable!

The world's teariest meditation on misery, lol.

Rogan