Feral Dumpster Rat

[lb_lee]

Rogan: There's a part of my brain I call Feral Dumpster Rat. It's not a headmate, it's just a behavior pattern and way of seeing the world. (Sorta like Edward Cullen, only Edward Cullen is way more ridiculous and entertaining to talk about.)



Feral Dumpster Rat is paranoid. It's always preparing, always planning for a crisis. If you've ever seen us doing a weird ascetic thing, it's probably Feral Dumpster Rat. It tries very hard not to get attached to anyone or anything, because that hinders escape. It is a very anxious rat, because its nature requires it to never relax. It's not a cheerful addition to any party.

It's easy to get mad at Feral Rat. It behaves in bizarre, frequently self-sabotaging ways, because what saves you in war screws you in peacetime... and the war never ends for Feral Dumpster Rat. It's easy to see it as a problem, an opponent. "Ugh, Dumpster Rat, why are you like this? You keep trying to eat spoiled food, you freak out whenever anything nice happens, and you have serious hang-ups about furniture."

But it is CHAMPION at survival, which is why it is still gainfully employed in our head. Feral Rat is often nervous, but it is NEVER shocked, and its plans are often really good, in really bad times! And it has always prepared those plans exhaustively in advance. Those plans have saved our butt a bunch of times.

Feral Rat is a good friend. It is just a very anxious one who never takes a vacation. Our madness, even the most intense kinds, are generally on our side.

I used to live 24/7 in Feral Rat mode. But things are better now. So I'm trying to gentle Feral Rat and encourage it to take breaks, soothe its anxiety rather than discounting or mocking it. Feral Rat should not be in charge of our life, and it doesn't want to be. At the end of the day, all Feral Rat wants is for things to be okay, which is unfortunately something that can't be guaranteed. So maybe my job is to build a life where Feral Rat CAN relax one day.

Comments

[spacerobotcrew]

I very relate to this one. D:

[lb_lee]

We are all Feral Dumpster Rats sometimes.

[pantha]

<3

Your compassion is inspiring.

[sorcyress]

This this this! The ability to be _that kind_ to the folks in your head, even when they're not necessarily feeling useful is really admirable and wonderful.

[lb_lee]

Dumpster Rat has an icon now. :p

And thank you. I admit, I'm still learning, so it's a process, but I'm also trying to get better at taking compliments gracefully, so thank you. I'll have to sit and think about that for a bit.

--Rogan

[beepbird]

Man, that's relatable.
We nicknamed ours Crisis Mode because it assumes that every single waking moment is on the verge of a personal-world-ending crisis and behaves accordingly. It's the mode that sets up a shirt nest in the closet to hide in if needed (it's a very nice shirt nest) and is ready to make a run for it at any given moment. The good ol' kneejerk response of "this is going to hurt you, leave now" and "that's too much information, shut up and leave so they can't use it against you" even when that's not even remotely the case- but when it's right, it's very right. It's trying its best.

[lb_lee]

Feral Dumpster Rat also likes hiding in our closet! (No shirt nest.) It's a small, controlled environment with very little to do or look at, so I think it finds it calming.

Rogan

[beepbird]

I think that's why too- small, minimal sensory stimulus, a door to close to keep the space contained and keep people out, and it's a predictable place. Would recommend a shirt nest or other comfortable thing, makes it a lot nicer in there.

[lb_lee]

What I could really use is a meditation stool or cushion, honestly! It'd be a lot more comfy to sit in there then.

(It's weird to think of horking up emotions and memories as a meditation practice, but whatever, it's learning to sit, experience, and let intense sensations pass through me for the sake of understanding them better. So I guess arguably it counts, even if it's less "ohmmm" and more "BAWWW!"

Rogan

[beepbird]

We'd like a meditation stool just to sit on! They look more comfortable than regular chairs for weird sitting. Not something we'd personally put in our closet because it doesn't go well with "huddle up in a corner under some blankets so no one would see you if they opened the closet" but it would be nice for regular sitting. That, or one of those yoga ball chairs.

I think you could argue it's a form of meditation. Made me look up the definition- most sites seem to agree it's a state of focused attention and increased awareness, and some add "state of calm/relaxation" onto that. But if you stick to the former two, then it probably could be.

[lb_lee]

Genius Cat Owner has one she salvaged from a dumpster, and it was quite comfortable!

The world's teariest meditation on misery, lol.

Rogan

[itsamellama]

♥ Feral rat just wants things to be okay. I relate to this a lot. Just... HAVE TO BE SURE. YOU NEVER KNOW.

[lb_lee]

THE FUTURE IS UNCERTAIN WHICH MEANS CERTAIN DOOM SO BE PREPARED AND OWN A KNIFE SHARPENER AND MOSQUITO NET

[beepbird]

The pandemic definitely did not help the feral brain rat with accumulating Disaster Supplies :')

[lb_lee]

ONE DAY YOU WILL THANK RAT FOR ALL THAT SOUP AND TOILET PAPER

[talewisefellowship]

it sounds dumb but im kind of like this except about the internet

--janusz

[lb_lee]

Oh, Feral Rat has OPINIONS about the Internet, let me tell you!

[talewisefellowship]

the internet is scary so I completely respect that

i have days when I detect a threat in every shibboleth sometimes. it's like your threat equation thing you talked about a while ago

--janusz

[runeroot]

What a good description. The last paragraph is really relatable, and a good reminder that selves-compassion is pretty much always a Good Thing!

[lb_lee]

Be kind to brain! Brain tries very hard.