The Greatest American Novel of ALL TIME!
Nov. 24th, 2018 05:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lb_leeSorry folks, since Wordpress is... whatever Wordpress is, I'm reposting the comic and the transcript here. Thanks for your patience!
Textual transcript:
The Greatest American Novel of ALL TIME!
By LB Lee
Cover
A young LB with long hair dances and grins, surrounded by white firework splatters on black background, with the title in ridiculously overblown black Gothic letters.
Pg. 1
January, 2000...
Tiny LB, with long hair past shoulders, props her head in her hands. "Ugh, I'm soooo BORRRRRRRED!" She says.
Then she leaps up and grins. "I know!" she cries. "I'll write... [fancy text] The Greatest American Novel of ALL! TIME!"
She takes on a thoughtful pose as clouds sneak up behind her. "Hold on. If I want to smake something popular, I'll have to write a vampire romance or something."
She looks sad, obviously unthrilled by this prospect. One of the clouds rains upon her.
But suddenly the sun comes out. "Wait! I know!"
She goes to make obeisance to her little laptop, which radiates beams of glowing light. With big shiny eyes, she declares, "I'll get all of the fun out of the way now! I'll write something just for me, get it all out of my system. THEN I'll write popular stuff."
She flails at the keyboard, a giant grin on her face. "I'M A GENIUS!"
Pg. 2
A big question marks huddles in a black panel. Wee LB narrates: "So what'll I write about? Let's see..."
The panels turns into little thought bubbles illustrating the ideas, while LB continues to narrate over them.
"An alien!" A typical big-eyed alien with antennae in a spacesuit appears, looking ominous and threatening.
"In middle school!" The alien now stands under a school bell, looking perplexed. Their spacesuit now says 'Go Lions Band' on it.
"Who looks like me!" The alien now looks like LB with bike gloves and her hair in a ponytail. She's raising one hand, as if to voice an object.
"She'll have magic ppowers and a talking cat and she'll be the last of her kind!" The alien girl is now in a top hat, with a little magic wand in her hand, and a cat is in the panel as well. Both of them are staring at each other like they're wondering what the hell is going on and how they got here.
"And there'll be plane rashes and parallel dimensions and bad puns and teenage angst! ALL IN THE SAME BOOK!" The girl and cat are now standing by an airplane embedded nose-first in the ground, with a ringed planet in the background. By the plane is a bear, going, "RARR!" Both cat and alien girl look like they're ready to bolt for a better story.
The thought bubbles disappear, showing wee LB clutching her hair and biting her lip with excitement. Her eyes are luminous; she's obviously overjoyed.
"GEEEEEEEEENIUS!" She shrieks, and flails at the laptop keyboard with both hands, filling the panel with the sound effects of 'taka taka.'
Pg. 3
PAGE THREE
November, 2003: (Three deleted sequels, 1567 pages, and 822,731 words later...) LB is slumped with exhaustion over their laptop, but their fist pumps triumphantly into the air. "I... I'm done! Ha ha!"
Undanted by their travail, LB sprints to Kinko's and gets a few copies printed up. They dash off, books in hand, while the Kinko's guy stares after them dubiously. Oblivious, LB cries, "Oh man, oh man! This is so cool! Wait till everyone sees what I've written!"
LB's mother reads it. With the look of someone desperately trying not to scar their idealistic young child for life, she says, "Uh... well, honey, it's... kind of dark..."
A computer is open to a site labeled www.writegood.com, with the subject RE: Your story. In huge letters, the boddy of the message reads: EDITOR. GET ONE.
LB's English teacher drops the hefty manuscript with a WHUMP and states flatly, "I didn't read it."
LB stands with an armful of books entitled Infinity Smashed, head surrounded by an array of question marks. Clearly they don't understand how anyone could mistake such genius for junk.
"Oh well!" they say. "I'll do better in the sequel!" And they pounced on their laptop again, beaming and flailing at the keyboard.
Pg. 4
LB is a college student now. Their hair has shortened once again, to some weird mullet sorta deal, and the braces and acne are gone. Dark circles are under their eyes. They go to a critique session with their Creative Writing professor. Their expression is ingratiating, pleading, and a little harried. The professor looks uninterested.
"How was it?" They ask.
"Fine."
"You didn't think the ending too rushed?"
"It's fine.""
"...I hacked the last half out in twenty minutes and you have no real feedback?"
"None. A-."
LB stomps away from the English department building, lightning and thunder crackling over their head, obviously disappointed.
In other news... there's a completely black panel, except for a little white lump labeled 'Everything.'
KABOOM! The little lump of Everything explodes in a violent mushroom cloud.
LB sits there in front of their diligent little laptop, but there is no big shiny eyes and keyboard flailing today. They just slump over the keyboard and hide their face in their arms, miserable.
Pg. 5
The laptop sits abandoned on a desk, with one of the magical alien books lying next to it. The window shows a dark sky and moon. The caption reads: 2007.
Same panel, this time slightly lighter. The caption reads, "2008."
Pre-dawn light shows in the window. The caption reads, "2009."
The sun starts to rise. Still, the computer and book sits. The caption reads, "2010."
2011. LB comes to the computer. They're recognizable as a slightly more detailed protoype of the one in Cracks of Sunshine, with short buzzed hair and tattooed circles on their shoulders. They scratch their head, looking a little abashed at having neglected their laptop so long.
"Hey, old friend." They say. "So, I make mental health comics now. Essays on gender and neurodiversity."
They pick up the manuscript and hold it open, pointing to the words with a look of disgust. "I can write real plot and build real worlds now. Not THIS monstrosity."
They straighten up and look at the pages with smug disdain. "Psh. Sad. Can you believe I spent so much time writing this dreck?"
They flip through the pages, and despite their attempts to look cool and collected, they develop a wibble face.
Then, eyes big and shiny, lip clutched eagerly between teeth, they hunch over their little laptop and start to type again, filling the room once more with 'taka taka.'
Back Cover
Solid black, with the words, “Questions? Comments? Contact LB at loonybrain at healthymultiplicity.com!”
Textual transcript:
The Greatest American Novel of ALL TIME!
By LB Lee
Cover
A young LB with long hair dances and grins, surrounded by white firework splatters on black background, with the title in ridiculously overblown black Gothic letters.
Pg. 1
January, 2000...
Tiny LB, with long hair past shoulders, props her head in her hands. "Ugh, I'm soooo BORRRRRRRED!" She says.
Then she leaps up and grins. "I know!" she cries. "I'll write... [fancy text] The Greatest American Novel of ALL! TIME!"
She takes on a thoughtful pose as clouds sneak up behind her. "Hold on. If I want to smake something popular, I'll have to write a vampire romance or something."
She looks sad, obviously unthrilled by this prospect. One of the clouds rains upon her.
But suddenly the sun comes out. "Wait! I know!"
She goes to make obeisance to her little laptop, which radiates beams of glowing light. With big shiny eyes, she declares, "I'll get all of the fun out of the way now! I'll write something just for me, get it all out of my system. THEN I'll write popular stuff."
She flails at the keyboard, a giant grin on her face. "I'M A GENIUS!"
Pg. 2
A big question marks huddles in a black panel. Wee LB narrates: "So what'll I write about? Let's see..."
The panels turns into little thought bubbles illustrating the ideas, while LB continues to narrate over them.
"An alien!" A typical big-eyed alien with antennae in a spacesuit appears, looking ominous and threatening.
"In middle school!" The alien now stands under a school bell, looking perplexed. Their spacesuit now says 'Go Lions Band' on it.
"Who looks like me!" The alien now looks like LB with bike gloves and her hair in a ponytail. She's raising one hand, as if to voice an object.
"She'll have magic ppowers and a talking cat and she'll be the last of her kind!" The alien girl is now in a top hat, with a little magic wand in her hand, and a cat is in the panel as well. Both of them are staring at each other like they're wondering what the hell is going on and how they got here.
"And there'll be plane rashes and parallel dimensions and bad puns and teenage angst! ALL IN THE SAME BOOK!" The girl and cat are now standing by an airplane embedded nose-first in the ground, with a ringed planet in the background. By the plane is a bear, going, "RARR!" Both cat and alien girl look like they're ready to bolt for a better story.
The thought bubbles disappear, showing wee LB clutching her hair and biting her lip with excitement. Her eyes are luminous; she's obviously overjoyed.
"GEEEEEEEEENIUS!" She shrieks, and flails at the laptop keyboard with both hands, filling the panel with the sound effects of 'taka taka.'
Pg. 3
PAGE THREE
November, 2003: (Three deleted sequels, 1567 pages, and 822,731 words later...) LB is slumped with exhaustion over their laptop, but their fist pumps triumphantly into the air. "I... I'm done! Ha ha!"
Undanted by their travail, LB sprints to Kinko's and gets a few copies printed up. They dash off, books in hand, while the Kinko's guy stares after them dubiously. Oblivious, LB cries, "Oh man, oh man! This is so cool! Wait till everyone sees what I've written!"
LB's mother reads it. With the look of someone desperately trying not to scar their idealistic young child for life, she says, "Uh... well, honey, it's... kind of dark..."
A computer is open to a site labeled www.writegood.com, with the subject RE: Your story. In huge letters, the boddy of the message reads: EDITOR. GET ONE.
LB's English teacher drops the hefty manuscript with a WHUMP and states flatly, "I didn't read it."
LB stands with an armful of books entitled Infinity Smashed, head surrounded by an array of question marks. Clearly they don't understand how anyone could mistake such genius for junk.
"Oh well!" they say. "I'll do better in the sequel!" And they pounced on their laptop again, beaming and flailing at the keyboard.
Pg. 4
LB is a college student now. Their hair has shortened once again, to some weird mullet sorta deal, and the braces and acne are gone. Dark circles are under their eyes. They go to a critique session with their Creative Writing professor. Their expression is ingratiating, pleading, and a little harried. The professor looks uninterested.
"How was it?" They ask.
"Fine."
"You didn't think the ending too rushed?"
"It's fine.""
"...I hacked the last half out in twenty minutes and you have no real feedback?"
"None. A-."
LB stomps away from the English department building, lightning and thunder crackling over their head, obviously disappointed.
In other news... there's a completely black panel, except for a little white lump labeled 'Everything.'
KABOOM! The little lump of Everything explodes in a violent mushroom cloud.
LB sits there in front of their diligent little laptop, but there is no big shiny eyes and keyboard flailing today. They just slump over the keyboard and hide their face in their arms, miserable.
Pg. 5
The laptop sits abandoned on a desk, with one of the magical alien books lying next to it. The window shows a dark sky and moon. The caption reads: 2007.
Same panel, this time slightly lighter. The caption reads, "2008."
Pre-dawn light shows in the window. The caption reads, "2009."
The sun starts to rise. Still, the computer and book sits. The caption reads, "2010."
2011. LB comes to the computer. They're recognizable as a slightly more detailed protoype of the one in Cracks of Sunshine, with short buzzed hair and tattooed circles on their shoulders. They scratch their head, looking a little abashed at having neglected their laptop so long.
"Hey, old friend." They say. "So, I make mental health comics now. Essays on gender and neurodiversity."
They pick up the manuscript and hold it open, pointing to the words with a look of disgust. "I can write real plot and build real worlds now. Not THIS monstrosity."
They straighten up and look at the pages with smug disdain. "Psh. Sad. Can you believe I spent so much time writing this dreck?"
They flip through the pages, and despite their attempts to look cool and collected, they develop a wibble face.
Then, eyes big and shiny, lip clutched eagerly between teeth, they hunch over their little laptop and start to type again, filling the room once more with 'taka taka.'
Back Cover
Solid black, with the words, “Questions? Comments? Contact LB at loonybrain at healthymultiplicity.com!”
no subject
Date: 2018-11-25 01:26 am (UTC)--Hikaru
no subject
Date: 2018-11-25 01:31 am (UTC)Aw, I'm glad! This comic was a small one, but still has a nice place in my heart.
no subject
Date: 2018-12-03 11:19 am (UTC)This is a lovely comic ♥ Thank you for sharing it. Sometimes we just have to make the things that make us happy, darn it.