The Brick of Trauma
Dec. 13th, 2011 09:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lb_leeThe Brick of Trauma
Prompt: “Square”
Summary: M.D. has a serious talk with Thomas and Raige about feelings, using a brick as a prop. Polyverse.
Notes: Sometimes, I’ve been seriously tempted to do what M.D. does here. I understand why the concept of ‘first world problems’ exist… but not with my friends, it doesn’t.
“It’s like this,” I said. “It’s like…”
I looked around the site in a hasty search for props. All I could find was a filthy, chipped orange brick that’d fallen out of the busted up wall, so I snatched it up and reached out a hand to Raige and snapped my fingers.
“Writing utensil.”
Thomas and Raige exchanged glances, but they were curious, so Raige reached into his backpack and pulled out a blue glitter pen. It took a few go-overs, but I managed to scrawl a rough sad face on the brick with it. I held up the sad brick for their inspection.
“It’s like this, all right? This is the Brick of Trauma.”
Thomas looked sardonic.
“Keep the wisecrack to yourself, okay, this is important. Brick of Trauma. When you hold the Brick of Trauma, you are the designated sad sack of the room, all right? It’s like holding the conch so you can speak, only instead of needing to speak, it’s needing other people’s caring and attention. So, for instance, if Raige is holding the Brick of Trauma,” I dumped it in his arms; he fumbled, then caught it, “that means he’s feeling bad and needs comforting, or chicken soup, or whatever. You with me so far?”
Nods.
“Good. Now, here’s how I feel most of the time.” I yanked the unhappy brick back from Raige. “I feel like I’m stuck with this thing. Forever. I can’t let go of it. I can’t give it to someone else, because everyone goes, ‘oh no, you deserve it, you’ve had all these horrible things happen to you, surely our paltry problems can’t compare.’ Like it’s some kind of favor to me or something, only it’s really not, because god, guys, I’m really sick of being the designated sad sack 24/7! I’m junior healer, all right, I don’t need another job, especially not one that depressing.”
Thomas was handling how I expected, arms crossed and nodding like what I said made sense to him. Raige was a little less compliant.
“That’s fair,” he said, “but I really feel uncomfortable taking the…”
I shoved it at him. “Brick of Trauma.”
“Fine, the Brick of Trauma over… I don’t know, having an argument with my dad, when your whole planet blew up. I mean, how does that even compare? Like,” he took the Brick of Trauma from me, “‘oh, poor me, my dad and I had a fight over where I’m going for the Fourth of July,’ when you come in with a broken leg on the run from the PIN. It seems really petty.”
I rolled my eyes. “Raige, you’re my best friend, and I love you dearly—”
“Aw,” went Thomas.
“Silence, jock boy—which is why I have to say with the best of intentions: get over it.”
Thomas grinned. Raige looked sour and crossed his arms.
“I mean it. I’m a chaos magnet, okay, I attract highly improbable trouble. You? You have a more normal life, with less bombastic trouble, and that’s okay. I want to be useful to you. I want to be able to help with your problems, feel like I’m contributing something, and I can’t do that when I’m having to lug this stupid thing everywhere.” I held up the Brick of Trauma. “I feel like I have to be the victim all the time.”
“Kid, if you had your way, you would never hold that thing,” Raige pointed out. “If you had your way, you’d never even acknowledge you had problems. That’s kind of how you got brought down in the first place.”
I bit my tongue. Thomas was leaning back against the wall, watching us argue. His placid smile said that he agreed with everything Raige said… and unfortunately so did I.
“All right,” I muttered through my teeth, “that’s… fair criticism. I’m not very good at admitting I have problems. But! I don’t like having to be stuck with that stupid Brick of Trauma all the time either. Like, sure, okay, me ignoring all my problems isn’t good for my mental health… but neither is never being able to help with yours! I need a break sometimes from dealing with all my stupid baggage. I really get sick of living in my own miserable little world all the time; it’s a quick way to get me stuck in my own head.”
Thomas shrugged. “Hey, I’m cool with letting you give that thing up sometimes.”
“Yeah, you’re actually pretty good about letting me let go of it. However,” I tossed the brick to him, and of course, he snapped it out of the air reflexively, “you’re as bad as I am about holding on to this thing.”
Raige gave Thomas an appraising look. Always a graceful loser, Thomas grinned, spread his arms, and shrugged.
“Okay, you got me,” he admitted, tucking the brick under his arm. “I don’t talk much about it when I’m feeling bad. You make such good cover, it’s easy to get away with.”
“Not anymore, it won’t be,” Raige said. He was smiling, but his voice was serious.
“Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t hiding any deep oozing wounds of the soul or anything,” Thomas said, turning the brick over in his hands. “I’m actually pretty good, most of the time. But…” he shrugged. “I could let y’all in a little more. I’ll try, okay?”
“Sure.”
“We’re here for you.”
“And…” Thomas handed the brick to Raige, “I don’t want you using it as an excuse to avoid taking this thing sometimes either.”
Raige grimaced. “You guys are really determined not to let me get away from this, are you?”
“No,” we said in unison.
“Seriously, Raige, you have some kind of thing about your problems,” Thomas said. “You’re as bad as we are about admitting them!”
“Complex, Thomas,” I said. “The word you’re looking for is ‘complex.’”
“Whatever.”
“Anyway,” I continued to Raige, “you’re worse than the both of us. Thomas and me, at least we don’t feel like our problems are less than. My rule about problems is such: is it causing you pain? Yes? Then it’s important. Now, obviously I may not be able to help you with the dog eating your homework when I get my head split open by an angry yeti, but like, right now? Right now, my baggage is at the door, not a pressing immediate concern. So…”
“Okay, okay, I get it!” Raige said, throwing up his hands. “I’ll talk about my first world problems sometimes!”
I gave Raige a round of applause. Thomas pumped his fist. Raige gave us a pickled face.
“You guys planned this, didn’t you?”
Thomas and I exchanged looks.
“He’s getting better,” I remarked.
“Obviously we’re a good influence,” he said.
And we grinned and gave Raige four thumbs up.
“God, you guys suck.” But Raige was laughing when he said it. With a sigh, he sat down against the wall and set the Brick of Trauma on his lap. “Okay. So, things haven’t been going so great with my dad…”
Prompt: “Square”
Summary: M.D. has a serious talk with Thomas and Raige about feelings, using a brick as a prop. Polyverse.
Notes: Sometimes, I’ve been seriously tempted to do what M.D. does here. I understand why the concept of ‘first world problems’ exist… but not with my friends, it doesn’t.
“It’s like this,” I said. “It’s like…”
I looked around the site in a hasty search for props. All I could find was a filthy, chipped orange brick that’d fallen out of the busted up wall, so I snatched it up and reached out a hand to Raige and snapped my fingers.
“Writing utensil.”
Thomas and Raige exchanged glances, but they were curious, so Raige reached into his backpack and pulled out a blue glitter pen. It took a few go-overs, but I managed to scrawl a rough sad face on the brick with it. I held up the sad brick for their inspection.
“It’s like this, all right? This is the Brick of Trauma.”
Thomas looked sardonic.
“Keep the wisecrack to yourself, okay, this is important. Brick of Trauma. When you hold the Brick of Trauma, you are the designated sad sack of the room, all right? It’s like holding the conch so you can speak, only instead of needing to speak, it’s needing other people’s caring and attention. So, for instance, if Raige is holding the Brick of Trauma,” I dumped it in his arms; he fumbled, then caught it, “that means he’s feeling bad and needs comforting, or chicken soup, or whatever. You with me so far?”
Nods.
“Good. Now, here’s how I feel most of the time.” I yanked the unhappy brick back from Raige. “I feel like I’m stuck with this thing. Forever. I can’t let go of it. I can’t give it to someone else, because everyone goes, ‘oh no, you deserve it, you’ve had all these horrible things happen to you, surely our paltry problems can’t compare.’ Like it’s some kind of favor to me or something, only it’s really not, because god, guys, I’m really sick of being the designated sad sack 24/7! I’m junior healer, all right, I don’t need another job, especially not one that depressing.”
Thomas was handling how I expected, arms crossed and nodding like what I said made sense to him. Raige was a little less compliant.
“That’s fair,” he said, “but I really feel uncomfortable taking the…”
I shoved it at him. “Brick of Trauma.”
“Fine, the Brick of Trauma over… I don’t know, having an argument with my dad, when your whole planet blew up. I mean, how does that even compare? Like,” he took the Brick of Trauma from me, “‘oh, poor me, my dad and I had a fight over where I’m going for the Fourth of July,’ when you come in with a broken leg on the run from the PIN. It seems really petty.”
I rolled my eyes. “Raige, you’re my best friend, and I love you dearly—”
“Aw,” went Thomas.
“Silence, jock boy—which is why I have to say with the best of intentions: get over it.”
Thomas grinned. Raige looked sour and crossed his arms.
“I mean it. I’m a chaos magnet, okay, I attract highly improbable trouble. You? You have a more normal life, with less bombastic trouble, and that’s okay. I want to be useful to you. I want to be able to help with your problems, feel like I’m contributing something, and I can’t do that when I’m having to lug this stupid thing everywhere.” I held up the Brick of Trauma. “I feel like I have to be the victim all the time.”
“Kid, if you had your way, you would never hold that thing,” Raige pointed out. “If you had your way, you’d never even acknowledge you had problems. That’s kind of how you got brought down in the first place.”
I bit my tongue. Thomas was leaning back against the wall, watching us argue. His placid smile said that he agreed with everything Raige said… and unfortunately so did I.
“All right,” I muttered through my teeth, “that’s… fair criticism. I’m not very good at admitting I have problems. But! I don’t like having to be stuck with that stupid Brick of Trauma all the time either. Like, sure, okay, me ignoring all my problems isn’t good for my mental health… but neither is never being able to help with yours! I need a break sometimes from dealing with all my stupid baggage. I really get sick of living in my own miserable little world all the time; it’s a quick way to get me stuck in my own head.”
Thomas shrugged. “Hey, I’m cool with letting you give that thing up sometimes.”
“Yeah, you’re actually pretty good about letting me let go of it. However,” I tossed the brick to him, and of course, he snapped it out of the air reflexively, “you’re as bad as I am about holding on to this thing.”
Raige gave Thomas an appraising look. Always a graceful loser, Thomas grinned, spread his arms, and shrugged.
“Okay, you got me,” he admitted, tucking the brick under his arm. “I don’t talk much about it when I’m feeling bad. You make such good cover, it’s easy to get away with.”
“Not anymore, it won’t be,” Raige said. He was smiling, but his voice was serious.
“Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t hiding any deep oozing wounds of the soul or anything,” Thomas said, turning the brick over in his hands. “I’m actually pretty good, most of the time. But…” he shrugged. “I could let y’all in a little more. I’ll try, okay?”
“Sure.”
“We’re here for you.”
“And…” Thomas handed the brick to Raige, “I don’t want you using it as an excuse to avoid taking this thing sometimes either.”
Raige grimaced. “You guys are really determined not to let me get away from this, are you?”
“No,” we said in unison.
“Seriously, Raige, you have some kind of thing about your problems,” Thomas said. “You’re as bad as we are about admitting them!”
“Complex, Thomas,” I said. “The word you’re looking for is ‘complex.’”
“Whatever.”
“Anyway,” I continued to Raige, “you’re worse than the both of us. Thomas and me, at least we don’t feel like our problems are less than. My rule about problems is such: is it causing you pain? Yes? Then it’s important. Now, obviously I may not be able to help you with the dog eating your homework when I get my head split open by an angry yeti, but like, right now? Right now, my baggage is at the door, not a pressing immediate concern. So…”
“Okay, okay, I get it!” Raige said, throwing up his hands. “I’ll talk about my first world problems sometimes!”
I gave Raige a round of applause. Thomas pumped his fist. Raige gave us a pickled face.
“You guys planned this, didn’t you?”
Thomas and I exchanged looks.
“He’s getting better,” I remarked.
“Obviously we’re a good influence,” he said.
And we grinned and gave Raige four thumbs up.
“God, you guys suck.” But Raige was laughing when he said it. With a sigh, he sat down against the wall and set the Brick of Trauma on his lap. “Okay. So, things haven’t been going so great with my dad…”
no subject
Date: 2014-05-08 03:58 am (UTC)And you know, if there's one thing to make my problems feel insignificant it would be knowing that my psychiatrist had survived and lost his family to Nazi death camps, but Frankl rejected the idea that people who had suffered less than he did should suck it up. Maybe he felt much like M.D. did, he didn't want to be the brick-holder all the time and wanted to help others, especially since his work as a psychiatrist was part of his identity. Plus, I don't think he wanted to be the kind of person who goes through life obsessed about the magnitude of his suffering and poo-pooing everyone else's.
At one point in the book Frankl talks about helping a diplomat who was uncertain whether to continue his career, a poster boy for first-world problems if there ever was one. Yet Frankl didn't minimize or invalidate his patient's problem at all, so what excuse do the rest of us have? Good job having M.D. make that point and drive it home through lively dialogue and interaction.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-08 06:51 pm (UTC)I want my friends to be able to share hardships with me, even though sometimes I have to say I can't help at the moment.
--Rogan