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lb_leeRogan: This comic was the surprise winner of the fan poll this month! I originally made it for Kimball Anderson's Inaction Comics, an (out of print) collection all about NOT doing things. It was also printed in the original floppy version of All in the Family #1, but removed for the collected version, because it seemed a distraction from the main story. Warning for internalized ableism and crushing despair behind the cut, commentary in comments.
HOW IT WAS (by Rogan of LB Lee 12/2/2014)
The page is full of cramped rectangular panels containing still smaller panels, contracting in a death spiral to the very center, which holds a tiny square of silhouettes of Mac holding Rogan. They are meant to be read inward, an artistic experiment that didn't work well. Adding to the claustrophobic feeling is that the panels are completely filled with the word "work," written over and over again, overlapping unto legibility to create a dark haze.
Top left: Mac approaches Rogan with a concerned face. "Sweetie, I'm worried how much you work..."
Rogan, a manic grin on his face, replies, "But Mac! I LOVE working!" His speech bubble consumes more and more of the panel. "It's money! Proof I'm a sane, functioning adult! If I don't get workl I get antsy and you know how much I hate getting antsy it's very important you know everything's fine I just gotta work work work" the words vanish off the bottom of the panel, surrounding a smaller panel of Rogan, ghoulish smile, going, "What good am I, otherwise?"
Top right: Rogan turns away, hugging himself, still grinning. "As long as I work, I know I'm not ill. Just eccentric. I'm not crazy!"
Mac looks increasingly more and more disturbed. "Honey. Rogan. Please. Just stop. Please." His eyes fill with tears.
Bottom left: Rogan is crouched over his desk, pencil in hand and eyes glued to paper. Mac has brought him a mug of hot tea, but Rogan doesn't even look up. "No thanks," he says. "Food is boring."
His feature becomes more robot-like. "Sleep is-- sleep is-- boring boring boring"
Now there is only a tiny robot going "beep beep beep."
Bottom right: Rogan looks up from his paper, a despairing look on his face. "Mac, if I do it right, do you think they'll love me? Do you think I'll stop being such a useless sack of shit?"
Mac recoils in horror, but Rogan just stares into the distance, eyes filling with tears: "Is it too late?"
HOW IT IS NOW (1/24/2015)
These panels are curving, with much simpler, flowing brush work. The overall feel is much calmer.
Caption: That was 2012. Things are different now. (Mac and Rogan standing with their arms around each other, looking at the sun over the hills.)
Caption: Slower. Quieter. (Rogan's hand over Mac's.)
Catpion: I eat. (a bowl of soup) I love. (two hearts overlapping) I rest. (Rogan sits on the grassy hill, hands empty, just sitting.)
Captions: Sometimes I miss the highs. But not so much anymore. (Rogan and Mac sleeping together, snuggled together.) I am safe. I am happy. And I am loved. --Rogan
HOW IT WAS (by Rogan of LB Lee 12/2/2014)
The page is full of cramped rectangular panels containing still smaller panels, contracting in a death spiral to the very center, which holds a tiny square of silhouettes of Mac holding Rogan. They are meant to be read inward, an artistic experiment that didn't work well. Adding to the claustrophobic feeling is that the panels are completely filled with the word "work," written over and over again, overlapping unto legibility to create a dark haze.
Top left: Mac approaches Rogan with a concerned face. "Sweetie, I'm worried how much you work..."
Rogan, a manic grin on his face, replies, "But Mac! I LOVE working!" His speech bubble consumes more and more of the panel. "It's money! Proof I'm a sane, functioning adult! If I don't get workl I get antsy and you know how much I hate getting antsy it's very important you know everything's fine I just gotta work work work" the words vanish off the bottom of the panel, surrounding a smaller panel of Rogan, ghoulish smile, going, "What good am I, otherwise?"
Top right: Rogan turns away, hugging himself, still grinning. "As long as I work, I know I'm not ill. Just eccentric. I'm not crazy!"
Mac looks increasingly more and more disturbed. "Honey. Rogan. Please. Just stop. Please." His eyes fill with tears.
Bottom left: Rogan is crouched over his desk, pencil in hand and eyes glued to paper. Mac has brought him a mug of hot tea, but Rogan doesn't even look up. "No thanks," he says. "Food is boring."
His feature becomes more robot-like. "Sleep is-- sleep is-- boring boring boring"
Now there is only a tiny robot going "beep beep beep."
Bottom right: Rogan looks up from his paper, a despairing look on his face. "Mac, if I do it right, do you think they'll love me? Do you think I'll stop being such a useless sack of shit?"
Mac recoils in horror, but Rogan just stares into the distance, eyes filling with tears: "Is it too late?"
HOW IT IS NOW (1/24/2015)
These panels are curving, with much simpler, flowing brush work. The overall feel is much calmer.
Caption: That was 2012. Things are different now. (Mac and Rogan standing with their arms around each other, looking at the sun over the hills.)
Caption: Slower. Quieter. (Rogan's hand over Mac's.)
Catpion: I eat. (a bowl of soup) I love. (two hearts overlapping) I rest. (Rogan sits on the grassy hill, hands empty, just sitting.)
Captions: Sometimes I miss the highs. But not so much anymore. (Rogan and Mac sleeping together, snuggled together.) I am safe. I am happy. And I am loved. --Rogan
Commentary
Date: 2025-11-24 12:19 am (UTC)Looking back at these pages from ten years later, I feel sorry for my 2014 self. These pages were made within the first six months of memory work, only a year after the Homeless Year ended, less than two years since we left the family. I was in so much pain, and so accustomed to being in pain that it was hard to recognize.
I feel a lot better these days.
*makes a note*
Date: 2025-11-24 02:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-11-25 07:33 am (UTC)I'm glad you're in a much better place now. Bravo to the work that got you there and thanks to the friends who helped you along the way. <3
no subject
Date: 2025-11-27 04:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-11-28 06:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-11-29 03:03 pm (UTC)