Crisis Planning: The Hit-By-A-Bus Plan
Mar. 28th, 2025 05:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lb_leeCrisis Planning: The Hit-By-A-Bus Plan
Series: Essay (crisis planning)
Summary: A crisis plan for when you are, say, hit by a bus, put in a coma, and have no family or spouse to handle your business while you're incapacitated.
Word Count: 2500
Notes: Winner of this month’s fan poll. You should definitely read How To Make A Pocket Crisis Guide first! The blank worksheets are here.
The hit-by-a-bus plan is for when you are suddenly unable to perform your usual duties or communicate the need to get them done to others—such as when you are suddenly committed to a mental hospital, kidnapped, or hit by a bus and put in a coma. The plan is especially for people without spouse or families. Getting hit by a bus may be unavoidable, but less so is getting fired (or a pet dying) because you aren’t there and nobody knows what happened or what to do. It has two components: prep work for yourself (for psychological crisis), and stuff for helpers to do on your behalf afterward (general purpose).
Series: Essay (crisis planning)
Summary: A crisis plan for when you are, say, hit by a bus, put in a coma, and have no family or spouse to handle your business while you're incapacitated.
Word Count: 2500
Notes: Winner of this month’s fan poll. You should definitely read How To Make A Pocket Crisis Guide first! The blank worksheets are here.
The hit-by-a-bus plan is for when you are suddenly unable to perform your usual duties or communicate the need to get them done to others—such as when you are suddenly committed to a mental hospital, kidnapped, or hit by a bus and put in a coma. The plan is especially for people without spouse or families. Getting hit by a bus may be unavoidable, but less so is getting fired (or a pet dying) because you aren’t there and nobody knows what happened or what to do. It has two components: prep work for yourself (for psychological crisis), and stuff for helpers to do on your behalf afterward (general purpose).
Ideally, if you suddenly disappear, people who care about you will be able to quickly realize that you are missing, compare notes, and make at least a decent guess of what might’ve happened and what they should do about it. (“Well, TJ hasn’t been doing well… maybe things got worse and they’re in the hospital.”) Helpers would then be able to know what needs to get done (job called, plants watered, dog walked, elderly sick neighbor visited with meals) and do them on your behalf, preventing snowballing disasters.
However, this ideal situation may not happen. If you live alone or in a household where your comings and goings aren’t noticed, or you don’t tell anyone what’s going on with you, it’s possible that you might be gone for a while before anyone realizes. At that point, some things (your job, the health of your dependents) might be in major trouble, and the people who love you might be worried and scared! Many hospitals will not give information out to anyone but family or partner… and a lot of people have neither. Multiple times, I have been reduced to searching newspaper obituaries for a missing friend’s name, and it’s a terrifying, awful experience. You don’t want to be on either side of that equation.
Pre-Planning for Psychological Crisis
This plan is especially intended for psychological crises, a state where you are likely to do something disastrous—to yourself, someone else, possessions or relationships that you value—that you do not want to happen when you are better saddled on the reality horse. The very nature of severe mental illness means that often when we are in crisis, we aren’t aware of it and insist we’re fine! If this describes you or your life, it behooves you to try and build a plan to recognize when a crisis is coming or might come, before it hits, while you’re still able to somewhat reason, so you can take steps to prevent the worst from happening. The best-case scenario is never needing the rest of this plan!
Think about the times you have been in psychological crisis. Were there any things in common, like…
• Time (do certain seasons or weather set you off? Certain anniversaries?)
• Internal Stressors (are you putting unreasonable expectations on yourself, sabotaging yourself, or kicking yourself in the metaphorical guts?)
• External Stressors (COVID lockdown fucked up a lot of people!)
• Substances (do certain meds, recreational drugs, or foods really knock you for a loop? Have you had a medication change lately?)
• Tells (have your friends noticed certain things you do that are always bad signs?)
These are all things you want your hit-by-a-bus helpers to know! Even if you don’t notice you’re falling off the horse, they might, and that helps make everything easier.
If your mind is going blank, here’s a convenient worksheet to start you off (there’s also a blank PDF version here):
What are three warning signs inside yourself that you can reliably self-recognize as a sign to slow down? These signs don’t have to make sense to anyone but you. (For example, I have trouble noticing if I’m getting overwhelmed or tired, but I will notice my sleep schedule getting out of whack or having trouble eating.)
1.
2.
3.
What are three warnings signs from other, trustworthy people that let you know to slow down? (I have a roommate who notices when I’m tired before I do, while some people I wouldn’t trust to tell Jekyll from Hyde.)
1.
2.
3.
What are three things you can do that reliably help calm these states? (TV you watch? books you read? People you see?) (If the only things that reliably help are things that slaughter your long-term health for short-term benefits, that’s something to be aware of! That’s not something you can keep up forever, and you want to focus on building more long-term skills.)
1.
2.
3.
What are three things that, if you do them, make these states worse and thus must be avoided? (We have had to build a lot of habit chains to avoid getting sucked into mindless Internet-surfing.)
1.
2.
3.
What are soul-nourishing recharging activities that are helpful in general? (Focus on real things that you have used that worked in the past to avoid the problem of, “is this self-care or just depression?” For example, staying inside at home will make me go bats extremely quickly, while for other people that’s very calming and soothing.)
What are soul-decaying, counterproductive habits to be aware of? (There’s a reason we don’t own a functioning smartphone. It is the worst for us.)
What Needs Doing?
Imagine you get hit by a bus and put in a coma. What needs to get done to keep your life from exploding before you wake up? Everyone has different life needs, so here are a few things to guide you (and again, a blank PDF worksheet is here):
Work, School, and Other Obligations: these folks need to know you won’t be around for a while so they can compensate (and not just get really mad at you). Who are they? What’s their contact info? (Your helpers might know you work for Giant Megacompany Inc. They may have no idea who exactly in that giant company they’ll need to call/email/fax.) Also, if the reason you’re out of commission is something stigmatized, maybe tell your helpers what exactly to say about your absence, like, “so-and-so is unexpectedly ill and will be out for a while.” Don’t make your helpers guess; that might end badly for you.
Friends: people who care about you might be worried when they realize you’re missing! Who needs to know what happened to you, and how much can you tell them? (Having a gossip hound for a friend is very handy for this! They can spread the news quickly.)
Dependents: these include plants, pets, and other people who are counting on you, like children or elderly relatives. What needs to get done for them? Think food, water, medication, travel to and from school, work, doctor’s appointments. Some of your dependents (like your gregarious grandma) may be able to communicate their own needs, but others (like your rare, prize-winning, extremely finicky carnivorous cactus) may be a total mystery to your helpers. Write down exactly what food, water, or litter schedule your pets are used to, to reduce stress on everyone. This is especially important if you live alone. (I was involved in one crisis that ended with a dead cat, and it was godawful.)
Money: do you owe rent? Tuition? Utilities? Hush money payments? If so, when, to who, and how much? Do you have a trustworthy helper who can access your money if you can’t, or is at least rich enough to cover costs until you come back?
Miscellaneous Home Stuff: Picking up your mail? Pool cleaning? Does your toilet overflow every Wednesday if you are not there to whisper secret incantations to it?
Things That Must NOT Be Done: Maybe you have some really creepy ex you want out of your life but who will snoop around and try to insert themselves into a crisis anyway. Or maybe you keep getting spam mail insisting you owe money to a Nigerian prince which your helpers need to know can safely be ignored.
Prep Your Helpers
(See the “Who To Call” section of How To Make A Pocket Crisis Guide for how to pick your support people and how to broach the subject of putting them on your crisis plan. The short version: you’ll need at least three people who can keep a cool head.)
Unlike the Pocket Crisis Guide, the Hit By A Bus plan covers situations where you cannot tell your trusted helpers what you need and what to do. You need to have them ready and prepared in advance, with instructions in writing, because they’re likely to be upset when they learn what happened to you and everybody’s minds tend to go blank in a crisis. (Also, you don’t want your helpers arguing with each other because they remember your plan differently.)
In the case of a psychological crisis, you need your helpers to know not just the stuff that needs to get done from the above section, but also warning signs that a crisis is or might be coming, like that bullet list from earlier:
• Time
• Internal Stressors
• External Stressors
• Substances
• Tells
All of these things are included in the blank PDF worksheet. Even if you don’t notice you’re declining, they might, and dealing with a crisis is good, but averting one is better.
Your helpers likely don’t all know each other, and if they’re concerned for your privacy (or the nature of your crisis is stigmatized), they might all clam up and stew in dread together alone. Nobody wants that! You have to make sure they know each other’s names and contact information (phone numbers, email, whatever), so they can organize themselves even though you aren’t there.
I usually use a big group email, so everyone can save a copy and have it on-hand. I also have an abbreviated version on paper magnetized to the fridge, and have talked with all my roommates so they know it’s there and what to do about it. People you live with are likely the first person to notice you’re missing or seriously unwell!
We hope you never need your hit-by-a-bus plan. But if you do, we hope it serves you well.
And if you’re one of those people who likes examples, see our crisis plan below!
Example: LB’s Censored Crisis Plan Email
To: [a dozen redacted emails here, so everyone has each other’s email addresses]
Subject Line: CRISIS PLAN VERSION # [labeled by number so people know which is most current]
Hello, friends! I’ve decided to share my crisis plan with more people, so that in case I go bugfuck (again), folks will know what to do!
First of all, there’s a very easy way to tell if we are in crisis (AKA: bugfuck). It’s when we answer “no” or “dunno” to any of the following five questions:
1. Do you know who you are?
2. Can you see headspace?
3. Can you reach your headmates?
4. Can you think a question?
5. Can you feel emotions?
(Don’t worry, lying convincingly is too complex a social task for Bugfuck LB.)
If we fail the bugfuck test, here’s what you do:
1. Call our therapist, [NAME] at [PHONE NUMBER]. Say we’re in crisis and should be entering [HOSPITAL PROGRAM]. If you want to know more about the program, here’s their pamphlet: [PDF LINK]
2. Bugfuck LB is too impaired to give good consent. Still, do your best to get us on-board with entering the hospital; voluntary commitment is a better bag all around. Know that if we weren’t incapacitated, we would want this. (If we really fight you and aren’t having any of it, please try to sit with us and wait till we’ve calmed down, then try again. It won’t take long, Bugfuck LB has a short memory.)
3. Call up the [HOSPITAL] at [PHONE NUMBER], and rig up an admittance appointment. We will be completely unable to make this call ourselves, unfortunately, sorry. Our health insurance card is in our wallet, as is our med list and medical allergies. (Refer to that when it doubt, but [DOSAGE] of [MED] every [TIME] is a pretty safe bet.)
4. It usually takes us a couple days to come out of a crisis state. During that time, make sure we aren’t left unsupervised, make sure we eat, and especially make sure we don’t go outdoors alone. Bugfuck LB may not understand dangers like traffic.
DO NOT CALL 911! Cops handle crazy people badly!
Asides from all the email address in the “To” field, here are some good people you can call for help with these tasks:
* [NAME #1] (our health care agent; can make health decisions for us if we’re incapacitated): [PHONE NUMBER]
* [NAME #2] (reserve health care agent if [NAME #1] can’t do it, though she lives out-of-state now): [PHONE NUMBER]
* [NAME #3] (roommate last time we went into crisis; their hubs [NAME #4] is our third-choice health care agent): [PHONE NUMBER]
* [NAME] (current roomie): [PHONE NUMBER]
* [NAME] (past roomie): [PHONE NUMBER]
* [NAME] (past roomie): [PHONE NUMBER]
* [NAME] (my finance man; lives in [PLACE]): [PHONE NUMBER]
All three health care agents should have my will and healthcare files. (If any of y’all have lost them, let me know and I will resend them!) [This is something we have sent in a different email. That’s a post for another time.]
IF LB IS NOT BUGFUCK BUT STILL NEEDS HELP
It’s very rare, but sometimes a rare headmate suddenly gets thrown up front with no clue what to do, and they are likely to call someone on this list in a panic. Here is some useful information you can give them!
LB’s current address is:
[REDACTED]
There are no animals under our care. (Roomies have dog and cat, but they are not ours, and unless we have previously stated otherwise, we are not obligated to care for them.) There are plants that we try to water every Tuesday, and you can touch the soil to see if it’s dry.
We pay our rent through an online portal at [WEBSITE], but we also have a whole month to pay our rent, so it’s never pressing and we will not be doomed if we can’t figure out our own password. (We are working on making our computer security less complicated so that a random headmate CAN figure out how to pay our rent if absolutely necessary.) Our rent is [$], and if necessary, contact [ROOMY] to figure out a workaround.
We have all the information a confused headmate should need in our room, in “the little book” which is a light aqua book with “LB’s Guide to Life” on the spine, and it should be either on our bookshelf, somewhere in our room, or in our backpack. (If for some reason this headmate cannot find it, you can tell them there’s a one-page crisis plan in our wallet, and clunky emergency info on our phone.)
However, this ideal situation may not happen. If you live alone or in a household where your comings and goings aren’t noticed, or you don’t tell anyone what’s going on with you, it’s possible that you might be gone for a while before anyone realizes. At that point, some things (your job, the health of your dependents) might be in major trouble, and the people who love you might be worried and scared! Many hospitals will not give information out to anyone but family or partner… and a lot of people have neither. Multiple times, I have been reduced to searching newspaper obituaries for a missing friend’s name, and it’s a terrifying, awful experience. You don’t want to be on either side of that equation.
Pre-Planning for Psychological Crisis
This plan is especially intended for psychological crises, a state where you are likely to do something disastrous—to yourself, someone else, possessions or relationships that you value—that you do not want to happen when you are better saddled on the reality horse. The very nature of severe mental illness means that often when we are in crisis, we aren’t aware of it and insist we’re fine! If this describes you or your life, it behooves you to try and build a plan to recognize when a crisis is coming or might come, before it hits, while you’re still able to somewhat reason, so you can take steps to prevent the worst from happening. The best-case scenario is never needing the rest of this plan!
Think about the times you have been in psychological crisis. Were there any things in common, like…
• Time (do certain seasons or weather set you off? Certain anniversaries?)
• Internal Stressors (are you putting unreasonable expectations on yourself, sabotaging yourself, or kicking yourself in the metaphorical guts?)
• External Stressors (COVID lockdown fucked up a lot of people!)
• Substances (do certain meds, recreational drugs, or foods really knock you for a loop? Have you had a medication change lately?)
• Tells (have your friends noticed certain things you do that are always bad signs?)
These are all things you want your hit-by-a-bus helpers to know! Even if you don’t notice you’re falling off the horse, they might, and that helps make everything easier.
If your mind is going blank, here’s a convenient worksheet to start you off (there’s also a blank PDF version here):
What are three warning signs inside yourself that you can reliably self-recognize as a sign to slow down? These signs don’t have to make sense to anyone but you. (For example, I have trouble noticing if I’m getting overwhelmed or tired, but I will notice my sleep schedule getting out of whack or having trouble eating.)
1.
2.
3.
What are three warnings signs from other, trustworthy people that let you know to slow down? (I have a roommate who notices when I’m tired before I do, while some people I wouldn’t trust to tell Jekyll from Hyde.)
1.
2.
3.
What are three things you can do that reliably help calm these states? (TV you watch? books you read? People you see?) (If the only things that reliably help are things that slaughter your long-term health for short-term benefits, that’s something to be aware of! That’s not something you can keep up forever, and you want to focus on building more long-term skills.)
1.
2.
3.
What are three things that, if you do them, make these states worse and thus must be avoided? (We have had to build a lot of habit chains to avoid getting sucked into mindless Internet-surfing.)
1.
2.
3.
What are soul-nourishing recharging activities that are helpful in general? (Focus on real things that you have used that worked in the past to avoid the problem of, “is this self-care or just depression?” For example, staying inside at home will make me go bats extremely quickly, while for other people that’s very calming and soothing.)
What are soul-decaying, counterproductive habits to be aware of? (There’s a reason we don’t own a functioning smartphone. It is the worst for us.)
What Needs Doing?
Imagine you get hit by a bus and put in a coma. What needs to get done to keep your life from exploding before you wake up? Everyone has different life needs, so here are a few things to guide you (and again, a blank PDF worksheet is here):
Work, School, and Other Obligations: these folks need to know you won’t be around for a while so they can compensate (and not just get really mad at you). Who are they? What’s their contact info? (Your helpers might know you work for Giant Megacompany Inc. They may have no idea who exactly in that giant company they’ll need to call/email/fax.) Also, if the reason you’re out of commission is something stigmatized, maybe tell your helpers what exactly to say about your absence, like, “so-and-so is unexpectedly ill and will be out for a while.” Don’t make your helpers guess; that might end badly for you.
Friends: people who care about you might be worried when they realize you’re missing! Who needs to know what happened to you, and how much can you tell them? (Having a gossip hound for a friend is very handy for this! They can spread the news quickly.)
Dependents: these include plants, pets, and other people who are counting on you, like children or elderly relatives. What needs to get done for them? Think food, water, medication, travel to and from school, work, doctor’s appointments. Some of your dependents (like your gregarious grandma) may be able to communicate their own needs, but others (like your rare, prize-winning, extremely finicky carnivorous cactus) may be a total mystery to your helpers. Write down exactly what food, water, or litter schedule your pets are used to, to reduce stress on everyone. This is especially important if you live alone. (I was involved in one crisis that ended with a dead cat, and it was godawful.)
Money: do you owe rent? Tuition? Utilities? Hush money payments? If so, when, to who, and how much? Do you have a trustworthy helper who can access your money if you can’t, or is at least rich enough to cover costs until you come back?
Miscellaneous Home Stuff: Picking up your mail? Pool cleaning? Does your toilet overflow every Wednesday if you are not there to whisper secret incantations to it?
Things That Must NOT Be Done: Maybe you have some really creepy ex you want out of your life but who will snoop around and try to insert themselves into a crisis anyway. Or maybe you keep getting spam mail insisting you owe money to a Nigerian prince which your helpers need to know can safely be ignored.
Prep Your Helpers
(See the “Who To Call” section of How To Make A Pocket Crisis Guide for how to pick your support people and how to broach the subject of putting them on your crisis plan. The short version: you’ll need at least three people who can keep a cool head.)
Unlike the Pocket Crisis Guide, the Hit By A Bus plan covers situations where you cannot tell your trusted helpers what you need and what to do. You need to have them ready and prepared in advance, with instructions in writing, because they’re likely to be upset when they learn what happened to you and everybody’s minds tend to go blank in a crisis. (Also, you don’t want your helpers arguing with each other because they remember your plan differently.)
In the case of a psychological crisis, you need your helpers to know not just the stuff that needs to get done from the above section, but also warning signs that a crisis is or might be coming, like that bullet list from earlier:
• Time
• Internal Stressors
• External Stressors
• Substances
• Tells
All of these things are included in the blank PDF worksheet. Even if you don’t notice you’re declining, they might, and dealing with a crisis is good, but averting one is better.
Your helpers likely don’t all know each other, and if they’re concerned for your privacy (or the nature of your crisis is stigmatized), they might all clam up and stew in dread together alone. Nobody wants that! You have to make sure they know each other’s names and contact information (phone numbers, email, whatever), so they can organize themselves even though you aren’t there.
I usually use a big group email, so everyone can save a copy and have it on-hand. I also have an abbreviated version on paper magnetized to the fridge, and have talked with all my roommates so they know it’s there and what to do about it. People you live with are likely the first person to notice you’re missing or seriously unwell!
We hope you never need your hit-by-a-bus plan. But if you do, we hope it serves you well.
And if you’re one of those people who likes examples, see our crisis plan below!
Example: LB’s Censored Crisis Plan Email
To: [a dozen redacted emails here, so everyone has each other’s email addresses]
Subject Line: CRISIS PLAN VERSION # [labeled by number so people know which is most current]
Hello, friends! I’ve decided to share my crisis plan with more people, so that in case I go bugfuck (again), folks will know what to do!
First of all, there’s a very easy way to tell if we are in crisis (AKA: bugfuck). It’s when we answer “no” or “dunno” to any of the following five questions:
1. Do you know who you are?
2. Can you see headspace?
3. Can you reach your headmates?
4. Can you think a question?
5. Can you feel emotions?
(Don’t worry, lying convincingly is too complex a social task for Bugfuck LB.)
If we fail the bugfuck test, here’s what you do:
1. Call our therapist, [NAME] at [PHONE NUMBER]. Say we’re in crisis and should be entering [HOSPITAL PROGRAM]. If you want to know more about the program, here’s their pamphlet: [PDF LINK]
2. Bugfuck LB is too impaired to give good consent. Still, do your best to get us on-board with entering the hospital; voluntary commitment is a better bag all around. Know that if we weren’t incapacitated, we would want this. (If we really fight you and aren’t having any of it, please try to sit with us and wait till we’ve calmed down, then try again. It won’t take long, Bugfuck LB has a short memory.)
3. Call up the [HOSPITAL] at [PHONE NUMBER], and rig up an admittance appointment. We will be completely unable to make this call ourselves, unfortunately, sorry. Our health insurance card is in our wallet, as is our med list and medical allergies. (Refer to that when it doubt, but [DOSAGE] of [MED] every [TIME] is a pretty safe bet.)
4. It usually takes us a couple days to come out of a crisis state. During that time, make sure we aren’t left unsupervised, make sure we eat, and especially make sure we don’t go outdoors alone. Bugfuck LB may not understand dangers like traffic.
DO NOT CALL 911! Cops handle crazy people badly!
Asides from all the email address in the “To” field, here are some good people you can call for help with these tasks:
* [NAME #1] (our health care agent; can make health decisions for us if we’re incapacitated): [PHONE NUMBER]
* [NAME #2] (reserve health care agent if [NAME #1] can’t do it, though she lives out-of-state now): [PHONE NUMBER]
* [NAME #3] (roommate last time we went into crisis; their hubs [NAME #4] is our third-choice health care agent): [PHONE NUMBER]
* [NAME] (current roomie): [PHONE NUMBER]
* [NAME] (past roomie): [PHONE NUMBER]
* [NAME] (past roomie): [PHONE NUMBER]
* [NAME] (my finance man; lives in [PLACE]): [PHONE NUMBER]
All three health care agents should have my will and healthcare files. (If any of y’all have lost them, let me know and I will resend them!) [This is something we have sent in a different email. That’s a post for another time.]
IF LB IS NOT BUGFUCK BUT STILL NEEDS HELP
It’s very rare, but sometimes a rare headmate suddenly gets thrown up front with no clue what to do, and they are likely to call someone on this list in a panic. Here is some useful information you can give them!
LB’s current address is:
[REDACTED]
There are no animals under our care. (Roomies have dog and cat, but they are not ours, and unless we have previously stated otherwise, we are not obligated to care for them.) There are plants that we try to water every Tuesday, and you can touch the soil to see if it’s dry.
We pay our rent through an online portal at [WEBSITE], but we also have a whole month to pay our rent, so it’s never pressing and we will not be doomed if we can’t figure out our own password. (We are working on making our computer security less complicated so that a random headmate CAN figure out how to pay our rent if absolutely necessary.) Our rent is [$], and if necessary, contact [ROOMY] to figure out a workaround.
We have all the information a confused headmate should need in our room, in “the little book” which is a light aqua book with “LB’s Guide to Life” on the spine, and it should be either on our bookshelf, somewhere in our room, or in our backpack. (If for some reason this headmate cannot find it, you can tell them there’s a one-page crisis plan in our wallet, and clunky emergency info on our phone.)
no subject
Date: 2025-03-29 01:32 am (UTC)(I have sent a very abbreviated version of this kind of plan as part of going protesting --it hasn't been a concern yet, but making sure that there are some people who know what to do if I don't come back is important.)
~Sor
***
Date: 2025-03-31 04:44 pm (UTC)copies this down to complete
no subject
Date: 2025-04-02 05:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-04-21 04:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-04-21 04:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-04-22 03:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-04-22 05:38 pm (UTC)