BloodSisters (1995)
Aug. 7th, 2023 10:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lb_leeMac: Decided to watch BloodSisters today, a documentary from 1995 about the leather dyke subculture in San Francisco! It was really good! Recommended! And it gave me some thoughts.
I also recently read the (now inappropriately titled) Urban Aboriginals: a celebration of leathersexuality by Geoff Mains, from 1984. It was also really good; Mains (RIP) was a biochemist so he spends a lot of time talking about the possible biochemistry of what he calls "non-hurtful pain." I ain't into chemistry, so kinda glazed over it, but hey, for folks who are into that!
Basically any time anyone brings up BDSM, you have to go through the whole explanation of kink vs. abuse, and it's because our society has a lot of focus on pleasure = good, pain = bad. There are whole philosophies built around seeking pleasure and avoiding pain! But that doesn't just lend itself to problems like kink being stigmatized, it also means people can't wrap their heads around the abuse of pleasure.
People understand the abuse of pain. Any time someone kicks a dog, they're using pain to scare and mistreat it. But pleasure can be abused too, and when we don't acknowledge that, we basically tell any jerk what they can get away with. Anyone who's come home to find flowers from the guy they got a restraining order on knows that "nice" things, in the wrong context, are horrible. Some people, when they call you "sweetie," make it the worst word on the planet. But because we don't have a way to explain the abuse of pleasure, it's harder to explain to people why it's awful. (Which is why a lot of jerks do it, because then they can clutch their pearls and go, "why are you reacting like this, I got you flowers! You love flowers!")
I also recently read the (now inappropriately titled) Urban Aboriginals: a celebration of leathersexuality by Geoff Mains, from 1984. It was also really good; Mains (RIP) was a biochemist so he spends a lot of time talking about the possible biochemistry of what he calls "non-hurtful pain." I ain't into chemistry, so kinda glazed over it, but hey, for folks who are into that!
Basically any time anyone brings up BDSM, you have to go through the whole explanation of kink vs. abuse, and it's because our society has a lot of focus on pleasure = good, pain = bad. There are whole philosophies built around seeking pleasure and avoiding pain! But that doesn't just lend itself to problems like kink being stigmatized, it also means people can't wrap their heads around the abuse of pleasure.
People understand the abuse of pain. Any time someone kicks a dog, they're using pain to scare and mistreat it. But pleasure can be abused too, and when we don't acknowledge that, we basically tell any jerk what they can get away with. Anyone who's come home to find flowers from the guy they got a restraining order on knows that "nice" things, in the wrong context, are horrible. Some people, when they call you "sweetie," make it the worst word on the planet. But because we don't have a way to explain the abuse of pleasure, it's harder to explain to people why it's awful. (Which is why a lot of jerks do it, because then they can clutch their pearls and go, "why are you reacting like this, I got you flowers! You love flowers!")
no subject
Date: 2023-08-09 12:04 am (UTC)And that's important. It's the base of lovebombing. Physioligical responses to pleasure get used to abuse (and then gaslight) people. And it's used in many of the predatory things done to consumers, from engineering products to hit all the pleasurable sensory spots, to the culture around over indulgence in the same.
The idea of moderation and purpose behind all feelings is something the local culture could do well with.
- Watcher (he/him)
no subject
Date: 2023-09-30 12:40 am (UTC)