lb_lee: A colored pencil drawing of Raige's freckled hand holding a hot pink paperback entitled the Princess and Her Monster (book)
Mori: I’m reading a lesbian history book, Faderman’s Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers: A History of Lesbian Life in Twentieth-Century America, and this bit on utopian lesbian-feminism gone wrong in the 1970s feels so relatable fifty years later:

The uncompromising stance and rhetoric of rage in the movement was bound to bring about bitter feelings and factionalism. Perhaps rage was an inextricable part of lesbian-feminism, because once these women analyzed the female’s role in society they realized they had much to be furious about. But their anger sometimes manifested as a horizontal hostility in which members of the community were constantly attacking other members, either because they had strayed from some politically correct behavior or because the diversity within the growing groups was not sufficiently recognized to appease everyone. As the decade progressed, the core groups tended to get smaller as factions multiplied and splintered and became more and more insistent in their demand to be heard or in their conviction that they alone were the true lesbian-feminists. Attacks were often brutal, combining what one victim described as “the language of the revolution [with] the procedure of the inquisition.”

Like the Left, lesbian-feminists believed that the revolution meant change—women changing themselves as well as changing the world. Criticism and self-criticism were thus crucial in order to perfect themselves in their quest for utopia. It was to the credit of lesbian-feminists that they wanted to provide a platform for criticism in the name of improvement, but criticism often became vituperation. This was particularly true when the community opened itself to criticism from minority voices. [...]

Women felt freer to complain within the lesbian-feminist community than in the more oppressive heterosexual world, where their mistreatment was far worse. Not only did community doctrine mandate listening to criticism by all members, but also they felt the community was or should be family and they were claiming their rightful place in the family. But the word “oppression” was then tossed around so loosely as an accusation that it came to be devalued. Criticism too often became crippling. It seemed that every move one made was sure to be found politically incorrect by a dozen others.
(Pg. 235-236)
lb_lee: A colored pencil drawing of Raige's freckled hand holding a hot pink paperback entitled the Princess and Her Monster (book)
We found Paris Williams’s book, Rethinking Madness: Towards a Paradigm Shift In Our Understanding and Treatment of Psychosis, thirdhand in a free box a couple years back, and gave it a shot. Super glad we did!

Paris Williams was a hang gliding instructor and a pilot when he experienced what others would call psychosis. He dealt with it outside the psych system, then devoted himself to studying how to handle such experiences and got a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. His book is at times awkwardly formatted, but it really made us think differently about our own brain and what it might be doing when the wheels come off its bus. Williams has put it up for free online, and it’s well worth checking out: https://rethinkingmadness.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Rethinking_Madness_completeBook.pdf

This post, however, is about only one brief tangent in this book that we keep returning to.

Williams describes “a woman who found herself in an existentially untenable situation with what I believe may have been a virtually nonexistent window of tolerance [aka, an inability to handle anything] as the result of a very traumatic childhood. In very early adulthood, her entire personal paradigm (her beliefs and experiences of herself and the world) underwent a profound transformation that clearly involved a radical shift within both her cognitive constructs [how she saw reality/herself] and her window of tolerance [how much she could handle], a modification that has remained relatively stable to this day, nearly forty years later. Within her new belief system, she experiences herself as a very powerful being on a messianic quest, and she also experiences herself as belonging to a very benevolent and supportive family outside consensus reality.(footnote) ... Her life has become an inspiring model of compassion and sympathetic joy for all beings... To this day, she continues to do quite well, having a relatively high sense of wellbeing and meeting her needs at least as well as the average person whose personal paradigm is more in alignment with consensus reality.

“Footnote: ...just because such beliefs and experiences are clearly anomalous relative to consensus reality (at least within mainstream Western society), this does not nullify the possibility of their having some degree of validity. [etc etc]” (182)

Williams doesn’t say anything more about this particular woman, but we think about her a lot, and take comfort in her anonymous forty-year example.
lb_lee: A colored pencil drawing of Raige's freckled hand holding a hot pink paperback entitled the Princess and Her Monster (book)
While ransacking the bones of Boomerangs (RIP), we got our hands on a copy of Outside the Charmed Circle: Exploring Gender & Sexuality in Magical Practice, by Misha Magdalene. She talked about labels and identity in a way I thought was super neat!

Labels [...] are like the handle on a suitcase or [...] on a coffee cup: they're things we attach to something much larger, something that's inconvenient to simply hold and carry in our hands. Maybe the thing we're trying to carry is too heavy, or too hot or cold, or simply awkward and unwieldy. Whatever it is, the handle gives us a convenient way to pick it up, hold it, carry it around, and set it down. A handle can be fancy or simple, but ultimately the point isn't the aesthetics. It's the utility. After all, a handle that doesn't help you hold the coffee cup isn't much of a handle, right? At the same time, the handle isn't what's important about the coffee cup. The cup itself isn't even that important. What's important is the coffee itself. You can drink your morning joe from bone china, ceramic, enamelware, or plastic, but none of the materials makes a lick of different to whether or not you're getting caffeine into your bloodstream.

[...] the point of a label is to give you a handle on something, a means by which you can carry something much larger, heavier, hotter, more awkward. When you make the cup all about the handle, you miss out on the entire point of the handle in the first place: to hold your cup so you can drink your damn coffee. [...] These labels are meant to serve us, to communicate something about our experiences and lives to other people. What they're not meant to do is serve as a choke-chain or a set of handcuffs binding us to some particular interpretation of what those experiences mean. We are the only ones who can interpret the meanings of our experiences with any accuracy, and the only ones who can say which labels are the best handles for those experiences.


(pg. 37-38)

(This is why none of us have taken up the autistic label. Some folks have mentioned it around us, but it's just not a useful handle for our braincup.)
lb_lee: A skeleton wearing a crown of blooming roses (the bony lady)
I have on my wall a poem, which I found among some ridiculously fancy graphic design/typography/fancy paper samples in a free box. My copy titles it "In Time of Pestilence," but it more commonly known as "A Litany in Time of Plague," part of a larger play by Thomas Nashe called Summer's Last Will and Testament. Read more... )
lb_lee: A happy little brain with a bandage on it, enclosed within a circle with the words LB Lee. (Default)
Mori: in my great medical multi booksweep of the big downtown library, I ended up checking out The Magic Daughter: A Memoir of Living With Multiple Personality Disorder. (There's already a digitized copy on archive.org, so no need to scan it.) We had first read it back in middle school, when I was reading every MPD/DID book I could get my mitts on, but it didn't have what I was looking for at the time, so I tossed it aside as a wash. But I was wrong!

Read more... )
lb_lee: A colored pencil drawing of Raige's freckled hand holding a hot pink paperback entitled the Princess and Her Monster (book)
This is excerpted from Staci Haines's Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma. Since we and other folks we know have trouble sometimes with defining or understanding safety, I thought it might be useful and relevant! From page 4:


Most people think of safety as a "feeling" of being safe. [...] It is not always reliable. You can be in a very safe situation and feel unsafe [...] Or, [...] you may be in an unsafe situation and feel just fine. [...]

When checking in on your safety in a given situation, consider the following:
  • How do you feel in your body? Do you feel safe, scared, unsettled?
  • Is your physical environment safe and free of violence and abuse? (No one is hitting, kicking, punching, or pushing you. No one is calling you names or threatening you or anyone you care about.) [LB's addition: and not just right this moment but in general.]
  • Does your partner, lover, or friend consider your needs, wants, and desires as important and relevant as his or her own?
  • Can your partner, lover, or friend really meet your needs? Does he or she have the know-how, the tools, and the good intention?
  • Do you have the power in this situation to act upon your own behalf? To take care of yourself fully?
  • Are you making your own choices? Not being pressured, pushed, or manipulated?
Asking yourself these questions gives you a way to assess whether or not you are safe--even when you do not necessarily feel safe.

Being safe and feeling comfortable are not the same thing.
lb_lee: M.D. making a shocked, confused face (serious thought)
So, we're reading Kate Bornstein and Caitlin Sullivan's Nearly Roadkill, a fiction book about gender identity and politics in cyberspace--only it was published in '96, before 4chan, Google, and all the other things that have become fixtures of the World Wide Web, so the story has that slightly off-kilter feel.

Anyway, it's mostly about gender, politics, and cybersex, written entirely in chat logs, journal entries, and e-mails, when there's this little odd bit that made us blink:


>>Email #1:
To: Scratch@FarmReports.com
From: TheStLouis7
Subj: We are... are you?


We are M.P.D. Multiple Personality Disorder.  Only one of us likes the "Disorder" word, but that one is Boo who is down on everything about himself anyway.  We want to know: Are you a gang like us?  Is Winc?  Is that why *you* are so many people online?

We look hard for others like us.  We have certain signs we look for.  The actual individual actions of each personality is probably the surest way to tell.  And of course, sometimes there's time loss when one of us is being so much stronger than the rest.  We've found among ourselves and other multiples is a fear of mirrors on the part of the host.  She avoids looking in mirrors because she never sees the same face.  Is it like that for you?  Is that why you "change"?  She also doesn't like clocks, they scare her.  One of us like them.  Time is an enemy, because time always disappears.

Do you have some time to write to us?

--StLouis7<<
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End Gwynyth Entry

Toobe Entry

>>To: Toobe
From: Scratch
Subj: Don't laugh...

I'm intrigued with these Multiple folks.  They don't sound like kooks, you know, they sound cool, if you try to forget the fact they "they" is one person.  Or "one person" as *we* know "one person."

How different from them am I?  Maybe it *is* weird to insist on multiple genders.  Or maybe it's not so weird to insist on retaining multiple personalities?  They don't sound eager to "integrate" them all, or whatever the shrinks say they're supposed to do.  Seems a sane response to the world.

Should I answer it?

--S.<<

>>To: Scratch
From: Toobe
Subj: Multiples


I had a long talk once with somebody who was diagnosed as MPD.  Only ze called it Dissociative, I guess that's the newer term.  I found hir to be totally together. (I didn't mean a pun there.)
--T.<<



And then the narrative goes right back to all the genderfucky outlaws being pursued by the government and big business.

It's kinda eerie.  It sounds enough like e-mails I've gotten from other systems online (even down to the whole "don't like mirrors" thing) that I get the sense this has actually happened to the writers before.

Creepy.  Odd use of language--but fuck, this was '96!  Damn!

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