Personal Space Invader

[lb_lee]

Personal Space Invader

Prompt: "If"
Summary: M.D. meets her big sister Inanna... and she has platform heels and a big sword.  For the "5 Cliche Challenge" prompt of 'Mary Sue.' Obviously AU.
Notes: I take a bite out of my own ass with this one.  Those of you who read the original Infinity Smashed draft will know.  I had to actually do research for this; it’s been that long since I read crappy fanfiction.

There was no warning.  Just one day, Thomas, Raige, and M.D. finished their lunch and found a strange girl on their doorstep.  Which alone was weird, because Treehouse didn’t get Earthlings hardly ever, definitely not Earthlings dressed in Gothic Lolita gear and trenchcoats with giant broadswords strapped to their backs.  But still, Raige figured it wasn’t completely out of the question.  Maybe someone new had come down the spout and someone at Treehouse had forwarded her to them in hopes M.D. or Thomas knew the language.  Maybe she happened to pop out right in the Treehouse township proper, which was why her clothes weren’t dirty or scuffed at all.  And maybe she’d been going to a convention when it happened, so she was dressed like a Magic Pixie Sword Girl.

Okay, so it was highly improbable.  But it wasn’t impossible.

But she looked like M.D.  Kind of.  Just enough for it to be really unsettling.  Because sure, M.D.’s eyes were gold, but it was just another color that you got used to after a while, while this girl’s eyes were like desert sands and precious metals, forever changing and forever new.  And M.D. was blond, but it was bushy and raggedy from not being properly cut in years, while the new girl’s hair was just the perfect mix of thick and wavy that curled around her shoulders and ached to be touched.  And sure, they were both dark, but M.D. looked like the racial machine had chewed her up and spit her out, while the new girl just looked like she’s spent a summer sunning on a beach in Hawaii.

So yeah.  Raige thought all of that was weird, but it was all pickles compared to what she said.

“Hi, M.D.!” She declared with a dazzling grin and a wave. “I’m your twin sister, Inanna!”

And M.D., who always had a sarcastic remark for everything, said, “Buh?” and didn’t even resist when the new girl hugged her.  At first.  Then she started trying to pull free, but Inanna was apparently pretty strong, considering her slender arms.

“You have a sister?” Thomas asked dubiously.

M.D. made a garbled noise that didn’t really communicate anything but oh-my-god-who-is-this-stranger-and-why-is-she-hugging-me.  Which Raige could understand.  He was pretty sure his face wasn’t that much less horrified than hers.  M.D. was a magnet for improbability, but even by her standards, this was a bit much.

“Of course!” Inanna said, trying to tuck M.D. under her delicate chin while M.D. struggled to get away. “She’s my little sister; I was born two minutes later.”

“But M.D. was Number Two…” Thomas started.

Inanna rolled her eyes and tossed her hair.  It fluttered like a curtain of gold. “Psh.  Of course.  I was Number One.”

And both Thomas and Raige went, “Uh,” in a perfect minor third, but Inanna was apparently on a roll and shared M.D.’s ability to just talk over people.

“My name means ‘beautiful warrior’ in Senyan.  I killed my keepers when I was four, stole their great sword and escaped into space, where I wandered until I found out about M.D.”

Raige felt like he was trapped in a conversation that was on fast-forward.  Now, he didn’t know that much about the Senyan.  M.D. didn’t talk about them much, probably because she didn’t know much herself.  But of a few things, Raige was completely positive: Senyan didn’t wear Gothic Lolita skirts or greatcoats as their native garb, they didn’t carry great swords, and even if one of them knew M.D., they wouldn’t know her by her friendly nickname.  They’d know her as Number Two.  So who was this girl really, and what was she doing in Treehouse?

M.D. tried to elbow her, but Inanna caught her.  Raige wasn’t even entirely sure what Inanna did; she just seemed to put one hand here, one foot there, and suddenly M.D. was slamming to the floor, wheezing.  Inanna braced a platform boot on her back, put her hands on her plush hips, and laughed.

“You shouldn’t try that, sis,” she said. “I always was better at hand-to-hand than you.”

“Whoa, whoa, hey,” Thomas said, stepping forward. “What’s your deal, you could’ve just let go of her…”

Which was kind of rich, seeing as Thomas wasn’t that great at respecting personal space himself, but still, he’d never tossed M.D. for trying to get away.

“Oh, she knows I’m just kidding!  Don’t you?” Inanna said, looking down at M.D.

Raige took what he hoped was a subtle step back.  Thomas was smiling, but he always did that, regardless of how he actually felt, and he was starting to shift into the posture Raige had grown to recognize as his fighting one.

M.D. shoved Inanna’s boot off her and lurched up from the floor, wheezing and clutching her side. “Friends?” She repeated incredulously. “Friends?  I don’t know you! We don’t know you!  You invade my personal space and throw me and that name isn’t even Senyan—what, do I have a twin brother named Yahweh too?”

Inanna patted her on the head. “Oh sweetie, you always were a little drama queen,” she giggled, and M.D. bristled like a pit bull. “But it’s okay, spend a little time with me and we’ll get along great.”

Until now, Raige hadn’t said anything.  He figured Thomas and M.D. could hold their own in conversation.  But now he had… white, teen idol M.D. sloppy copy in their house, looking like she’d just walked off the pages of a magazine, and he just had to say something.

“How can you speak English?”

Inanna beamed, and it was like the sun in Heaven. “Oh, I psychically downloaded the language while coming down.  It’s easy; English really is a primitive language when you think about it.”

Thomas said something derisive in Spanish, and Inanna turned and said something back.  When she saw Thomas’s face, she said sweetly, “Oh yeah, and I picked up Spanish and Japanese too, while I was it.”

“Japanese?” M.D. sputtered. “Why Japanese?  None of us speak that.”

“For fun; I was bored.  You know.” Then she turned those tawny gold eyes on Raige, and he saw her expression change.

Oh no.  He knew what that look meant.  He began scooting back behind Thomas, who was still watching all this like he couldn’t decide whether he thought this was horrifying or hilarious, but was leaning towards horrifying.  If Raige just got the table between him and her…

“Oh, hi, Raige,” Inanna said, and she leaned on the table.  Her shirt was low-cut.  Behind her, M.D.’s expression turned nuclear, and she began growling in her throat.

“How do you know who I am?” Raige asked nervously.

“Oh, I know all about you,” she said, squeezing her arms together to stick her chest out further. “I spent some time with Bobcat and he gave me the whole story.  I heard about your trick with the cold iron.  That was so brave.  And you’re so cute!  Put you in some leather pants and…”

And it was weird, Raige knew that this girl was acting completely off the handle, and he still wanted to get the hell away from her.  But he realized that she was oddly really beautiful, and he found himself wanting to be nice to her, wanting to welcome her in like this was totally normal, like she hadn’t just taken his girlfriend, grabbed her, and then judo thrown her at the first sign of resistance.

“I’m glad you approve of my boyfriend,” M.D. snarled.  Her expression could pass for a very toothy smile, if you didn’t know her. “Now vacate my premises.”

Inanna pouted and turned around. “Oh, M.D.-chan, you don’t really want me to leave, do you?”

For a second, Raige thought M.D. might go off like a helium bomb.  But then her expression went oddly blank for a moment, and when it came back into focus, she looked slightly confused.

“No,” she said, seeming as disturbed to say it as Raige felt to hear it. “I don’t.”

Inanna giggled. “Oh, I knew we would be such great friends!” She declared, hugging M.D. again.  Between the heels and Inanna plain being taller, M.D.’s face was shoved into her chest. “Now, Imooto-chan, you’ve been living with boys for way too long.  Ugh, Treehouse.  I don’t get why you like it here, there’s nothing to wear except salvage.  Gross.  I’m going to take you to Earth, and we’re going to go shopping, and then…” she clasped her hands and squealed. “We’re going to have a makeover!”

And M.D. looked like a little kid going to the dentist, but she also looked oddly like she wanted to.  Even though she and Raige did their shopping together, because they had the same tactic of blitzing the Goodwill, grabbing everything that looked about the right size, trying them on, then bolting in half an hour.

“Uh, okay,” M.D. said meekly. “I guess it would be… nice… to get in touch with my…” and she looked for a moment like she was going to throw up, “feminine side.”

“I knew you’d love it!” Inanna declared cheerfully.

Thomas and Raige looked at each other.  Thomas’s expression showed complete incredulity: who is this girl, and what has she done with our alien?  Raige was about to try and nonverbally convey his complete lack of understanding, when Inanna turned those mesmerizing golden orbs onto him again.

“I’m going to move in,” she said, like it was completely natural to do so without asking first, “but I see you don’t have room.” She hadn’t even seen the place. “Can I stay with you in yours?”

And Raige knew what was happening, knew this was an incredibly bad idea, but somehow, he knew if he said no, she’d be unhappy, and he didn’t want to make her unhappy, never wanted to make her unhappy.  It’d be like destroying Eden, or canceling Star Trek.

“Y-yes,” he said, and it felt like it was being dragged out of him.  He felt like his IQ was steadily dropping, like all he could think about was how beautiful she was, all curves and softness, not like M.D., who was all skinny angles, or Thomas, who was trim muscle, and was he really with the right people?  But then he managed to fight through the haze, just long enough to have common sense, and he mumbled, “I’ll stay with Thomas.”

And since M.D. was still trapped in the Inanna Hug Of Doom, he reached over and grabbed Thomas’s hand.  Thomas looked a little startled, but he squeezed back, and that seemed to help clear his head a little.  Thomas, at least, seemed completely unfazed by Inanna, just weirded out.

That made Inanna frown.  But then she plastered that big smile back on, and said to Raige, “It’s okay.  I know you don’t mean to cheat on anyone.  You just haven’t met the right person yet.”

And any other time, that would’ve made Raige stutter with sheer—well, not anger, he tried not to get angry—but sheer what the hell-ness.  But all he could think was that maybe she was right, he really was the one-girl-forever type, and she was so beautiful and unique and…

And Thomas put his arm around Raige’s waist and smiled in a way that was way closer to M.D.’s snarl than anything. “Speak for yourself.”

“We should go,” M.D. said in a sleepwalk voice. “We should go buy me girly stuff.”

And Inanna looked delighted. “I knew you’d be excited!  All you needed was a good girl influence.  C’mon, M.D.-chan, let’s go get you some falsies!  You’re never going to get a boyfriend dressed like that…”

“But Raige is—”

“Hon, he is waaaaay to soft and sweet for you…”

And they left.

The moment she was gone, Raige felt more like his usual self.  He slumped against the table, and Thomas turned on him, flushed with aggravation.

“What the hell was that all about?” He demanded. “The only reason I didn’t kick her butt out the door is because I thought you might actually be upset!  Are you and M.D. on drugs or something?”

Raige shook his head, trying to clear it. “You didn’t… feel like you had to make her happy, do whatever she said?”

“No!  Hell no!  I just saw a white M.D. mirror-universe clone stacked like Pamela Anderson walk in here like she owned the place, hit on my boyfriend like she owned you, and then cart M.D. off like she owned her! ‘Haven’t met the right person,’ my ass!”

Raige shuddered.  Now that he wasn’t drugged up on whatever-the-hell-it-was, he felt cold. “It must be because she’s not interested in you.  So you haven’t been hit with her… god, what is that, it was intense…”

“It must be, M.D. looked like she got hit by a train, and she’s pretty tough in the head, I thought.” Thomas saw Raige’s face and put his hands on his shoulders, rubbing soothingly. “You okay?”

Raige swallowed and nodded. “Yeah.  Just… god.  When she looked at me, I really felt like suddenly I should be dating her, that she was like, the One True Love of My Life or something.  It felt awful.”

Thomas wrapped his arms around Raige’s middle from behind and squeezed him. “Think she’s another mind-controller?”

“I don’t know,” Raige said, rubbing his temples. “If she is, it must be a whole different grab-bag than Number One’s—the real Number One, I mean.  I felt that, it was like getting a sledgehammer to the head.  But this… it was more subtle.  I don’t know; you’d have to ask M.D., she knows more about that stuff than I do.  But she’s…”

“Off getting forcibly girlified,” Thomas finished for him. “God, she is going to be pissed…”

“We have to do something,” Raige said. “I can’t take much more of that, I don’t think.  Even now, I feel it—and I’m not nearly so good at keeping people out as M.D. is.”

Thomas made a thoughtful sound. “Well, I feel fine, but I guess she just didn’t think that much about me.  Too brown for her, I guess.  I don’t know what I could do before she knocks me flat; maybe I’ll just wait for her to come back, grab her and turn her into a wombat or something, even you can resist a sexy wombat—”

Before Raige could contribute, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. “Hold on a second.” Thomas let go of him, and he reached in to pull out the phone.  UNKNOWN NUMBER.  Frowning, he picked up. “Hello?”

The voice on the other end was so loud he had to hold the phone away from his ear. “The fuck is this shit?”

Thomas snorted. Raige returned the phone to his ear. “Hi, Biff.  Met… uh, Inanna?”

Raige had heard Biff cranky and angry a ton of times; it was the guy’s default emotion, after all.  But this was the first time he’d heard Biff foaming-at-the-mouth furious.  He didn’t need to put it on speaker for Thomas to hear it. “Crazy-ass fucking bitch, the hell’d she come from, told me all I needed was a goddamn hug—” He heard arguing in the background, and then M.D.’s voice came on.  She sounded disturbingly cheerful.

“Hiya, buddy boy.  Feeling a little more clearheaded now?”

Raige paused. “Actually, yes.  What did you do?”

“I don’t know what kind of psychic she is, but she’s good.  Low-level reality-warper, maybe?  My will was barely holding up, but I did manage to persuade her to go meet my dearest darling Biffy-poo—” more shouting in the background, “and he’s almost as good as I am at resisting psychic invasion—plus a whole lot easier to piss off.  She immediately started going on about finding him a nice girl and that all he needed was some cuddles and cookies, that he’d be a good church-going accountant in no time.  I figured she was putting most of her suggestive force on me and not paying as much attention to him, which proved to be true.”

“Is she dead?” Thomas asked.

“Nah.  Zapped her unconscious and duct-taped her to a chair.” She snorted. “Senyan, yeah right.  She gave Biff a decent run for his money, fight-wise, but there’s only so much you can do in platform heels, and broadswords are great conductors.  Turns out she’s not so good at absorbing amperes.  Not sure what to do with her, honestly; you guys know how low my voltage is.  She won’t be out long, and then she’s likely to try and persuade us to let her go and say sorry—and she’s good enough she might succeed.  Any ideas?”

Raige and Thomas looked at each other.

“Mr. Rawls,” they said.

“Yeah, I blame him,” Thomas said.

Silence for a moment. “God, I hate that guy.  His explanation had better be good.” And then she hung up.

Raige wasn’t sure what ended up happening, but apparently it all got taken care of.  After half an hour or so, M.D. came back.

“There.  No more Inanna.” But she looked oddly subdued.

“What’s wrong?” Raige asked.

She picked at her nails, for a moment, then looked up. “Guys, do you really think I’d be improved with a sword, trenchcoat, and heels?”

Thomas and Raige looked at each other, then went and hugged her.  She buried her face in Raige’s chest.

“No, kid,” Thomas said. “You just wouldn’t be the same without your Day-Glo Salvation Army rejects.”

“Okay,” she said, and squeezed them both hard. “Just making sure.”

Comments

[natalief.livejournal.com]

This was fun! ;-p