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lb_lee(Title comes from Pat Califia’s highly relevant essay, “The Limits of S/M Relationship, or Mr. Benson Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.”)
Rogan: Mac has been wanting a date night since Boskone, and we chose the gay leather biker flick, Pillion! We saw it on a triple date with other kinky queer friends of ours, and it generated many conversations!
Because everything I knew of this movie before going in was what I said in that first sentence and also Alexander Skarsgard was in it, I came in not realizing it was an English film. Naturally, the biker culture is just a BIT different. Having come from leather-and-denim Harley softtail types on my mother’s side, I discovered a core of snobbishness in myself that I truly didn’t expect upon seeing a man on a BMW with white motocross style leathers. (Which is especially hilarious to me considering Harley Davidson’s whole schtick. I mean, come on. Seriously, me?) (Also Biff says “wait, he fucking wears WHITE riding leathers?” He didn’t see the movie but has Opinions about bikes.)
So, this movie is a fascinating story of a classic, Mr. Benson-fantasy-style leatherman (Skarsgard) crashing against a sub who does not exist in a fantasy world. Skarsgard looks like Skarsgard; the sub, Colin, looks like a regular guy with crooked teeth, slouchy shoulders, and all the rest of human inconvenience. Next to him, Skarsgard looks strangely artificial, and having thought about it, I think that’s on purpose. Because Skarsgard’s character isn’t really real; he is a fantasy, or a man trying his utmost to embody that fantasy, even though that’s impossible to do 24/7.
Skarsgard’s character might fuck men, but there’s nothing gay about him... and again, I think that’s on purpose. In real life, it’s basically impossible to be a 100% manly man, because the rules are so strict and contained; indeed, that’s arguably the point. Similarly, Colin, the sub, sings in a barber shop quartet; he is mild-mannered, self-effacing. Skarsgard’s character has no attributes that aren’t respectably manly. He doesn’t seem to have any hobbies at all, asides from his motorcycle, his kinks, and his dog. (You see him read a book once, Kierkegaard’s... something ending in “struggle” but the characters never discuss the book. He also plays the piano once, haltingly.)
A note about the dog. Giving this character a dog was a genius decision, because it gives Skarsgard’s character an acceptably heterosexually masculine way to express affection. He has three female names tattooed on his chest, and I would bet my left kidney they’re his dogs (that or his bikes, but I saw no sign he names THEM). He lets his dog sit on the couch and pets it, while Colin stays standing behind them; the one time Colin is allowed on the couch is the day of Colin’s mother’s funeral. (We’ll talk more about her later.) If the dog weren’t there to PROVE this character is capable of affection, the audience would ditch too quickly. As is, it’s just ambiguous enough that the audience, if not hooked the same way Colin is, understands WHY Colin is so taken with this emotionally constipated man. Skarsgard may say as little as possible, but he gives an impressively subtle performance, imbuing even the slightest touches with meaning and affection. I don’t know how he did it, but I sure NOTICED him doing it, doling out those moments just enough to make Colin (and by proxy, the audience) hanging on for the next. Maybe, if Colin is just patient and understanding enough, this man’s gooey sweet center will be unlocked!
Skarsgard’s character only expresses his affection through touch and expensive, extravagant gifts... which Colin must never ask for or discuss. He is supposed to only accept what he is given; talking about it just makes Skarsgard’s character mad, because IT BREAKS THE FANTASY. In the fantasy, the dom magically knows exactly what the sub needs, no talking required... or the sub is magically always satisfied with whatever the dom gives them. And of course, that’s just not possible in real life with someone you’ve just met and never want to have a conversation with. Skarsgard’s character wants to be the fantasy, but Colin shows no sign of knowing these unspoken, unspeakable rules, and doesn’t even seem to WANT that fantasy, necessarily. Sure, getting swept off his feet and initiated is nice, but he wants to have nights off from the kink, to share a bed or sing along with Skarsgard’s character playing the piano, like Colin’s own parents do. Meanwhile, Skarsgard’s character only allows Colin into bed the day of Colin’s mom’s funeral, only wants to play the piano while Colin stands silently behind him.
I am deliberately using the actor’s name, not the character’s, because you never forget who it is you’re watching. Again, he isn’t really a person; he’s trying to be a fantasy incarnate, the ridiculously handsome man who comes and sweeps you off your subby feet and thoroughly initiates you in the sexy dark arts. The character’s name, Ray, in some ways doesn’t matter. It’s rarely stated. His last name is seemingly unknown. He seems to have no identity outside of his kink and his dog. What does he want or need? Unknown, asides from sex, control, and domestic service (he leaves chore lists for Colin every morning and Colin cooks every meal, including his own birthday dinner).
All the main actors do a good job, but Colin’s mom steals one scene in particular. Both parents are loving, supportive, terminally uncool people, and Mom is also dying of cancer. She wants to meet this mysterious, absurdly handsome biker who is suddenly consuming all her son’s attention, making him cook his own birthday dinner like a stereotypical 50s husband, and hasn’t met the family despite months going by. Skarsgard’s character gets sullen and nasty at being asked to do so, even though the lady is DYING, because the dom fantasy never has to endure such mundane indignities like dinner with the family... and also because, much like a fantasy, Skarsgard’s character can’t endure direct sunlight. Every time this character has to interact with the vanilla world, he comes off like a rude asshole, because he has nothing to him besides the fantasy. He can’t turn it off.
And when she sees her beloved son getting drinks for this guy, Mom says she doesn’t like how he speaks to her son. When he calls her ignorant and claims she just doesn’t understand their relationship, she replies, “I think you’re a cunt.”
(Imagine being the lady who gets paid to call someone like Skarsgard a cunt to his face on film!)
Skarsgard’s character tends to make everyone subservient to him, because he’s a ripped dommey biker, and seeing him get called a cunt by a dying old lady is just SO satisfying. She is the one person completely unfooled by him. She may not be cool or kinky, she’s just smart and too busy dying to give a shit about anything trivial. She has no interest in playing into the fantasy of the “true” dom who effortlessly dominates everyone around him. And not only is she right, SHE WINS: Skarsgard’s character leaves the dinner shortly after—flounces, you might say, but only in the most heterosexually masculine way, of course—with Colin scurrying after him, trying to smooth things over. He IS in fact a “handsome creep” who treats her son badly! And the whole mess might’ve been avoided had Dommey McBikerpants been willing to turn off the kink for ONE FUCKING DINNER or have an actual conversation about it. But that would break the fantasy. He can’t do it. A true fantasy-style dom never has to explain himself or compromise, so all he can do is flounce and never be near those people again. He doesn’t even come to her funeral, despite never once showing signs of having any job or responsibilities, and when Colin comes, he’s still expected to cook dinner.
When Colin, in his grief, intentionally burns his hands, possibly to try and get SOME caretaking, Skarsgard’s character orders a pizza.
He also holds Colin’s hands under cool water to try and ease the burns, and there appears to be affection and care in his touch, but that’s it. You see Colin holding an ice pack later and that’s it. All the delicious hurt/comfort or aftercare Mac clearly wanted (“no loving scenes of bandaging or aloe? No hand-feeding your boy pizza?!”) not only didn’t happen; they COULDN’T happen. Because that didn’t play right with the fantasy of the emotionally withholding, I-do-only-what-I-want-when-I-want-it-and-you’ll-like-it master dom.
That is the one night Colin is allowed in bed, rather than sleeping on the floor.
The day afterward, when Colin realizes that all that was a one-off (it’s back to floor and kitchen duty for him!) he rebels. And that too is SO satisfying to watch, this shy, slouchy little man finally getting fed up with the limits of this fantasy. His mom is dead, and his dom won’t even give him a day off, now that it’s 24 hours past the funeral! This isn’t just a fun fantasy anymore, real life is intruding, and Sir Dommeykins is completely unable to deal with that.
Skarsgard’s character allows for one day off, one day outside the 24/7 Mr. Benson fantasy.
“Am I going to pay for this?” Colin asks nervously.
“No. What do you want to do today?”
It’s the first time he’s ever asked.
So they have a vanilla day. They go see a movie and get thrown out for getting busy in the seats. They frolic in the park, in broad daylight, around other people. They kiss, even!
Everything APPEARS wonderful, and indeed, a million movie romances encourage us to believe it. You did it, Colin! You found his gooshy center! Hooray! Y’all are going to live happily ever after now!
But even then, something shows otherwise: Colin sings while they’re out in public. And he clearly has vocal training! Skarsgard’s character asks him to teach him, and gives it a shot, but he clearly does NOT have vocal training; Colin has the superior voice. And Skarsgard’s character tries to laugh it off, but it clearly BOTHERS him, that his sub is better at something than him, even though Colin is established to have worked at this for quite some time, while Skarsgard’s character clearly has no musical training at all. But he’s the dom fantasy, dammit! He is supposed to be, NEEDS to be, Colin’s superior in all things, even when they’re ostensibly out of role and just having a good, lovely, romantic time.
And the next day, Skarsgard’s character is just GONE. His house is completely empty, his friends seem to know nothing of his whereabouts. Like the fantasy, he evaporates come morning. He cannot withstand the exposure of sunlight.
At the end, we see Colin meeting up with other men, writing his hard limits in a dating profile (“I cut my hair for nobody,” “I need one day off a week; that’s nonnegotiable,”) along with his assets (“I have a gift for devotion,” “I have a high pain tolerance,”) having learned that while kink is a good part of his life... it cannot be EVERYTHING.
Had the movie tried to end happily ever after, I would’ve hated it. Ending it with a break-up, though? I loved it.
Afterward, I asked Bob what he thought of it, and he replied, “Skarsgard’s character was EXACTLY the kind of guy I enjoyed flipping and fucking senseless, back in college, before I knew any better.” For many queer men who carry the wounds of “failing” masculinity, there’s an allure about characters like the ultimate manly leather biker topman... but Pillion does an amazing job of taking that fantasy apart, pulling it into the light and showings its hidden flaws. You start Pillion thinking this is a Mr. Benson fantasy; you end it with the question: who was really the stronger man: the rich, masculine, dominant fantasy who couldn’t bear the light... or the shy, slouchy sub who still remains in the end, more aware of what he wants, what he doesn’t want, and goes out once more to seek it?
Rogan: Mac has been wanting a date night since Boskone, and we chose the gay leather biker flick, Pillion! We saw it on a triple date with other kinky queer friends of ours, and it generated many conversations!
Because everything I knew of this movie before going in was what I said in that first sentence and also Alexander Skarsgard was in it, I came in not realizing it was an English film. Naturally, the biker culture is just a BIT different. Having come from leather-and-denim Harley softtail types on my mother’s side, I discovered a core of snobbishness in myself that I truly didn’t expect upon seeing a man on a BMW with white motocross style leathers. (Which is especially hilarious to me considering Harley Davidson’s whole schtick. I mean, come on. Seriously, me?) (Also Biff says “wait, he fucking wears WHITE riding leathers?” He didn’t see the movie but has Opinions about bikes.)
So, this movie is a fascinating story of a classic, Mr. Benson-fantasy-style leatherman (Skarsgard) crashing against a sub who does not exist in a fantasy world. Skarsgard looks like Skarsgard; the sub, Colin, looks like a regular guy with crooked teeth, slouchy shoulders, and all the rest of human inconvenience. Next to him, Skarsgard looks strangely artificial, and having thought about it, I think that’s on purpose. Because Skarsgard’s character isn’t really real; he is a fantasy, or a man trying his utmost to embody that fantasy, even though that’s impossible to do 24/7.
Skarsgard’s character might fuck men, but there’s nothing gay about him... and again, I think that’s on purpose. In real life, it’s basically impossible to be a 100% manly man, because the rules are so strict and contained; indeed, that’s arguably the point. Similarly, Colin, the sub, sings in a barber shop quartet; he is mild-mannered, self-effacing. Skarsgard’s character has no attributes that aren’t respectably manly. He doesn’t seem to have any hobbies at all, asides from his motorcycle, his kinks, and his dog. (You see him read a book once, Kierkegaard’s... something ending in “struggle” but the characters never discuss the book. He also plays the piano once, haltingly.)
A note about the dog. Giving this character a dog was a genius decision, because it gives Skarsgard’s character an acceptably heterosexually masculine way to express affection. He has three female names tattooed on his chest, and I would bet my left kidney they’re his dogs (that or his bikes, but I saw no sign he names THEM). He lets his dog sit on the couch and pets it, while Colin stays standing behind them; the one time Colin is allowed on the couch is the day of Colin’s mother’s funeral. (We’ll talk more about her later.) If the dog weren’t there to PROVE this character is capable of affection, the audience would ditch too quickly. As is, it’s just ambiguous enough that the audience, if not hooked the same way Colin is, understands WHY Colin is so taken with this emotionally constipated man. Skarsgard may say as little as possible, but he gives an impressively subtle performance, imbuing even the slightest touches with meaning and affection. I don’t know how he did it, but I sure NOTICED him doing it, doling out those moments just enough to make Colin (and by proxy, the audience) hanging on for the next. Maybe, if Colin is just patient and understanding enough, this man’s gooey sweet center will be unlocked!
Skarsgard’s character only expresses his affection through touch and expensive, extravagant gifts... which Colin must never ask for or discuss. He is supposed to only accept what he is given; talking about it just makes Skarsgard’s character mad, because IT BREAKS THE FANTASY. In the fantasy, the dom magically knows exactly what the sub needs, no talking required... or the sub is magically always satisfied with whatever the dom gives them. And of course, that’s just not possible in real life with someone you’ve just met and never want to have a conversation with. Skarsgard’s character wants to be the fantasy, but Colin shows no sign of knowing these unspoken, unspeakable rules, and doesn’t even seem to WANT that fantasy, necessarily. Sure, getting swept off his feet and initiated is nice, but he wants to have nights off from the kink, to share a bed or sing along with Skarsgard’s character playing the piano, like Colin’s own parents do. Meanwhile, Skarsgard’s character only allows Colin into bed the day of Colin’s mom’s funeral, only wants to play the piano while Colin stands silently behind him.
I am deliberately using the actor’s name, not the character’s, because you never forget who it is you’re watching. Again, he isn’t really a person; he’s trying to be a fantasy incarnate, the ridiculously handsome man who comes and sweeps you off your subby feet and thoroughly initiates you in the sexy dark arts. The character’s name, Ray, in some ways doesn’t matter. It’s rarely stated. His last name is seemingly unknown. He seems to have no identity outside of his kink and his dog. What does he want or need? Unknown, asides from sex, control, and domestic service (he leaves chore lists for Colin every morning and Colin cooks every meal, including his own birthday dinner).
All the main actors do a good job, but Colin’s mom steals one scene in particular. Both parents are loving, supportive, terminally uncool people, and Mom is also dying of cancer. She wants to meet this mysterious, absurdly handsome biker who is suddenly consuming all her son’s attention, making him cook his own birthday dinner like a stereotypical 50s husband, and hasn’t met the family despite months going by. Skarsgard’s character gets sullen and nasty at being asked to do so, even though the lady is DYING, because the dom fantasy never has to endure such mundane indignities like dinner with the family... and also because, much like a fantasy, Skarsgard’s character can’t endure direct sunlight. Every time this character has to interact with the vanilla world, he comes off like a rude asshole, because he has nothing to him besides the fantasy. He can’t turn it off.
And when she sees her beloved son getting drinks for this guy, Mom says she doesn’t like how he speaks to her son. When he calls her ignorant and claims she just doesn’t understand their relationship, she replies, “I think you’re a cunt.”
(Imagine being the lady who gets paid to call someone like Skarsgard a cunt to his face on film!)
Skarsgard’s character tends to make everyone subservient to him, because he’s a ripped dommey biker, and seeing him get called a cunt by a dying old lady is just SO satisfying. She is the one person completely unfooled by him. She may not be cool or kinky, she’s just smart and too busy dying to give a shit about anything trivial. She has no interest in playing into the fantasy of the “true” dom who effortlessly dominates everyone around him. And not only is she right, SHE WINS: Skarsgard’s character leaves the dinner shortly after—flounces, you might say, but only in the most heterosexually masculine way, of course—with Colin scurrying after him, trying to smooth things over. He IS in fact a “handsome creep” who treats her son badly! And the whole mess might’ve been avoided had Dommey McBikerpants been willing to turn off the kink for ONE FUCKING DINNER or have an actual conversation about it. But that would break the fantasy. He can’t do it. A true fantasy-style dom never has to explain himself or compromise, so all he can do is flounce and never be near those people again. He doesn’t even come to her funeral, despite never once showing signs of having any job or responsibilities, and when Colin comes, he’s still expected to cook dinner.
When Colin, in his grief, intentionally burns his hands, possibly to try and get SOME caretaking, Skarsgard’s character orders a pizza.
He also holds Colin’s hands under cool water to try and ease the burns, and there appears to be affection and care in his touch, but that’s it. You see Colin holding an ice pack later and that’s it. All the delicious hurt/comfort or aftercare Mac clearly wanted (“no loving scenes of bandaging or aloe? No hand-feeding your boy pizza?!”) not only didn’t happen; they COULDN’T happen. Because that didn’t play right with the fantasy of the emotionally withholding, I-do-only-what-I-want-when-I-want-it-and-you’ll-like-it master dom.
That is the one night Colin is allowed in bed, rather than sleeping on the floor.
The day afterward, when Colin realizes that all that was a one-off (it’s back to floor and kitchen duty for him!) he rebels. And that too is SO satisfying to watch, this shy, slouchy little man finally getting fed up with the limits of this fantasy. His mom is dead, and his dom won’t even give him a day off, now that it’s 24 hours past the funeral! This isn’t just a fun fantasy anymore, real life is intruding, and Sir Dommeykins is completely unable to deal with that.
Skarsgard’s character allows for one day off, one day outside the 24/7 Mr. Benson fantasy.
“Am I going to pay for this?” Colin asks nervously.
“No. What do you want to do today?”
It’s the first time he’s ever asked.
So they have a vanilla day. They go see a movie and get thrown out for getting busy in the seats. They frolic in the park, in broad daylight, around other people. They kiss, even!
Everything APPEARS wonderful, and indeed, a million movie romances encourage us to believe it. You did it, Colin! You found his gooshy center! Hooray! Y’all are going to live happily ever after now!
But even then, something shows otherwise: Colin sings while they’re out in public. And he clearly has vocal training! Skarsgard’s character asks him to teach him, and gives it a shot, but he clearly does NOT have vocal training; Colin has the superior voice. And Skarsgard’s character tries to laugh it off, but it clearly BOTHERS him, that his sub is better at something than him, even though Colin is established to have worked at this for quite some time, while Skarsgard’s character clearly has no musical training at all. But he’s the dom fantasy, dammit! He is supposed to be, NEEDS to be, Colin’s superior in all things, even when they’re ostensibly out of role and just having a good, lovely, romantic time.
And the next day, Skarsgard’s character is just GONE. His house is completely empty, his friends seem to know nothing of his whereabouts. Like the fantasy, he evaporates come morning. He cannot withstand the exposure of sunlight.
At the end, we see Colin meeting up with other men, writing his hard limits in a dating profile (“I cut my hair for nobody,” “I need one day off a week; that’s nonnegotiable,”) along with his assets (“I have a gift for devotion,” “I have a high pain tolerance,”) having learned that while kink is a good part of his life... it cannot be EVERYTHING.
Had the movie tried to end happily ever after, I would’ve hated it. Ending it with a break-up, though? I loved it.
Afterward, I asked Bob what he thought of it, and he replied, “Skarsgard’s character was EXACTLY the kind of guy I enjoyed flipping and fucking senseless, back in college, before I knew any better.” For many queer men who carry the wounds of “failing” masculinity, there’s an allure about characters like the ultimate manly leather biker topman... but Pillion does an amazing job of taking that fantasy apart, pulling it into the light and showings its hidden flaws. You start Pillion thinking this is a Mr. Benson fantasy; you end it with the question: who was really the stronger man: the rich, masculine, dominant fantasy who couldn’t bear the light... or the shy, slouchy sub who still remains in the end, more aware of what he wants, what he doesn’t want, and goes out once more to seek it?
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Date: 2026-03-02 10:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-03-03 12:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-03-03 12:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-03-02 11:43 pm (UTC)Speaking of British biking culture, did you ever see the 1964 movie The Leather Boys? I think you would appreciate it.
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Date: 2026-03-03 12:22 am (UTC)Also, for some reason people seem to be calling this movie a comedy or a romcom? It is neither. I don't know why people are saying that. Anyone who went in wanting either of those things would've come out very disgruntled!