"I'm not stashing pigeon in my body."

[lb_lee]

This is a very silly chat conversation between our friend K and Mori and Rawlin.

K: Ohh, he has a pouch!
K: I feel like the cool stuff would get goopy.
K: Aren't pouches....goopy?

Rawlin: Yes, they are, and I have informed her of this.
Mori: SARAN WRAP MY DUDE

K: Haha
K: Sous vide cool stuff.

Rawlin: Oh no
(has just learned what sous vide is)

K: Haha

Mori: Yeah, you run hot... could we cook things in you???
Rawlin: You are never going to find out and will have to live with that ignorance.

K: Would also be a good way to get some microplastics into your system maybe.
K: Hey that would be useful though.
K: I mean really you would be the most efficient being.
K: So many have had to use tools to cook.

Mori: *gremlin excited face*
Rawlin: No. I draw the line at being a human microwave
Rawlin: *swats Mori's wrist as she reaches*

K: Haha

Rawlin: All of those fluids would infest you.
Mori: SARAN WRAP AND GLOVES

K: Personally I think I'd microwave things for myself but it would get bothersome if you had people like bringing their frozen meals over to your stomach all the time.

Rawlin: I'm big but not that big. I don't have that much room

K: I mean I'm not necessarily talking a full lasagna.

Mori: My good bitch, if I had a pouch where I could stash candy I wouldn't even CARE if it melted
Rawlin: You do, it's called pockets, and I know how much you like them.
Rawlin: Why do you think I wear a harness with pouches on it?

[later, as discussions of hippo edibility come up]

Mori: I would totally attempt eating hippo.
Rawlin: You would also attempt eating pigeon.
Mori: One day, the powers of the pigeon will become my own!
Mori: Pigeon IS totally edible, and one day I will get to eat one dammit

K: Okay it's probably good you don't give Mori food preparing privileges on that pouch, Rawlin.

Rawlin: I'm glad you accept the wisdom of my actions.
Rawlin: I'm not stashing pigeon in my body.

K: Haha, yeah.

Mori: ...it would be a dead pigeon. Wait, is that better or worse than a live one?
Rawlin: No pigeons are allowed inside me, regardless of their state of animation.

K: I mean if it was live you could do an interesting magic trick maybe.

Rawlin: AbsoLUTely not.

Comments

Pigeon is absolutely edible and tastes delicious

[dismallyoriented]

Dunno where you'd be able to get it, but I've had it before at a fancy Chinese restaurant. It's a good roast bird! Much like quail

Re: Pigeon is absolutely edible and tastes delicious

[minoanmiss]

Big enough Chinese supermarkets carry it, they label it squab. It's dark and delicious!

Re: Pigeon is absolutely edible and tastes delicious

[lb_lee]

Mori: ONE DAY I WILL FUCKIN EAT A PIGEON minoanmiss HAS PROMISED ME THIS

THE PIGEON IS THE ULTIMATE URBAN SURVIVOR AND IF I EAT IT I WILL OBTAIN ITS POWERS

Re: Pigeon is absolutely edible and tastes delicious

[minoanmiss]

Hey are you free January 2? I can't think of a better way to spend my birthday than feeding you a pigeon.

Re: Pigeon is absolutely edible and tastes delicious

[lb_lee]

That’s a Thursday, right? Yeah, I should be able to make that! Want me to bring a salad? Arugula goat cheese walnut thing.

Re: Pigeon is absolutely edible and tastes delicious

[minoanmiss]

WOOT WOOT! We shall stitch up details shortly.

Speaking of the edibility of pigeons…

[bodyetal]

I believe you would appreciate Bava Batra 23b, Mori. It is not technically about eating pigeons, but it feels pertinent.

(crow& addendum: i wonder what the rabbis would say about a pigeon in a pouch at the 50 cubit line… i guess that’s how i’d get thrown out of the house of study.)

Re: Speaking of the edibility of pigeons…

[lb_lee]

Mori: omfg you just know there was some stupid passionate argument about the dovecote chicks that led to this level of analysis too

Re: Speaking of the edibility of pigeons…

[lb_lee]

Rawlin: “And it was for their questions about this far-fetched scenario that they removed Mori and TW from the study hall, as they were apparently wasting the Sages’ time.”

[minoanmiss]

I'mma cook a pigeon for you.

[lb_lee]

Mori: AND THAT DAY SHALL BE A GLORIOUS DAY UNTO ME

[manglefox]

Dead!
Do I … want to know what sous vide is? Do I need to log out of my in-laws’ wifi before doing the google tango?

[lb_lee]

Rawlin: It is apparently a cooking method of sealing something in plastic and then putting it to cook slowly in comparatively non-hot environments.

I am not an oven.

Mori: But if we put a rabbit in there, you could have a bun in the oven!

Rawlin: No pigeons, no rabbits.

[manglefox]

Mori Mori Mori! Rawlin doesn’t want MPreg! Bun in the oven!!! I nearly spit my coffee!

[lb_lee]

Mori: >:D I would officially be a babyeater.

Rawlin: why are you like this

[silvercat17]

oh god, who was that woman in the middle ages or sometime like that that was supposedly giving birth to rabbits (but very much was not)

Edit: Mary Toft

[lb_lee]

Mori: she was that bullshit medium right? Yech!

EDIT: SHE WAS NOT THE BULLSHIT MEDIUM AND NOW I CAN NEVER UNLEARN THAT KNOWLEDGE

Rawlin: see? That’s why no. It’s unsanitary.

[silvercat17]

Mwahahahaha

[lb_lee]

Mori: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME LYDEAN I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS

[silvercat17]

THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW WE'RE FRIENDS. I DON'T MENTALLY SCAR JUST ANYONE

[lb_lee]

I WOULD SAY I'M HAVING KITTENS BUT IT'S INAPPROPRIATE FOR THIS CONVERSATION

[minoanmiss]

I love to cook and can explain if you want me to.

[wispfox]

*giggly*

[silvercat17]

I feel like there have been non-plastic food wrappers that could be hypothetically used. But seriously, leave the poor guy's pouch alone

[lb_lee]

Mori: but s/he’s like a kangaroo! THINK OF THE OPPORTUNITIES

Rawlin: I am. Just not those.

[silvercat17]

Mori, just go bake cookies in a hot car like a normal person.

[lb_lee]

Rawlin: Too much effort. Our friend was appalled to discover that she was microwaving the artisan home-smoked bacon he gave her.

Mori: IT IS DEADLINE I NEED EASY PROTEIN TO FUEL THE BEAST

[silvercat17]

I'm not sure cooking bacon in the microwave is that bad. It keeps the bacon from being too greasy

[lb_lee]

Mori: See? Thank you! (Besides, what the fuck does Rawlin know about cooking, far as I know he ain't never learned or had to.)

Rawlin: The only reason YOU know how to cook is because of Biff.

Mori: And Mac. ...but yeah, mostly Biff, it's true, I'm the cat and he's the can-opener far as I'm concerned.

[sinistmer]

This post and the comments are amazing.

Bacon cooks quite well in the microwave!

[lb_lee]

Mori: in these trying times, it’s the stupid bullshit laughs you treasure!

And yes, thank you, microwave bacon is great and cultured and FINE.