Out of Service

[lb_lee]

This blog has been locked and steep access cuts made. I will be manually going through unlocking things, mostly multi stuff and essays. For now, fiction will stay locked. Reverend Alpert's "The Unbinding", which won the poll this month, is posted publicly on Patreon. For now, there will be no writing polls, and few public posts, if any. For now, I'm paywalling most everything on Patreon and will be mass-uploading my writing there. For those of you not on Patreon, you can either buy the books/ebooks as they come out, or you can request local copies or access to my writing filter here. Patreon patrons will experience very little change. I will still make my usual posts there, still make comics, zines, and books. It's public stuff I'm cutting down on.

This is nothing any individual has done. The decision has been a year in coming. I started my business in 2013, before Gamergate, before Trump, before the pandemic. Mass online harassment existed in 2013, but it was not as organized and normal as it is now, and people worldwide certainly weren't trapped indoors, frustrated and stressed and desperate for anything they could control and change. The Internet is a hostile working environment, and every public post I make paints a target on my back. My demographics are targets too. And because the pandemic has crippled the con circuit, I am trapped; I can't take the breaks from the Internet that I used to.

Cons treated me as a small-time local artist with an unusual gimmick. But on the Internet, I am a tin-dime celebrity, and I hate it. Even the "good parts." When a multi approaches me with stars in their eyes, cold dread congeals in my stomach. Pedestals always break.

I was able to manage my anxiety until the pandemic. But then it got worse and worse, compounded by memory work accelerating yet again. I have limited control over the pandemic or memory work, which means my work has to be what changes. I need to get breathing room and the only way I can think to do that is make myself less publicly accessible, at least for a while. I'm also working to deal with my anxiety with therapy and meds. We'll see how much is environment and how much is me.

Thank you for reading.

Comments

[flamingsword]

Good luck with meds, and thank you for taking care of your needs and the needs of your community.

[starfallhaven]

I hope things cool down for you. Stuff is very different from even a few years ago, and being known really can be anxiety-inducing. Good luck.

[chanter1944]

I wanted to let you know that the person in Wisconsin who just became a patron of yours is me, unless somebody else up here made the leap at roughly the same time. RL name given on request, if you want to confirm.

[feotakahari]

Take care of yourself.

[the_network]

I really hope that this can help your anxiety a bit! I'm sorry things have been rough for y'all lately :(

[erinptah]

Glad to know there wasn't a specific bad incident, I was worried for a minute there.

Taking care of yourself in general is a good choice!

...maybe when DW does their end-of-year sale, I'll grab some paid time and do the same thing. It does sound tempting.

[wispfox]

This seems wise, if difficult.

[monsterqueers]

Glad to know there wasnt a Incident that caused this- people can be very cruel and/or stalker-ey on the internet.

Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourselves, hope things get better soon and good luck with the meds!

[ignitedsky]

Thank you so much for adding me to the filters. I'm honored.

[beepbird]

This honestly sounds like a good idea, especially given how much has been happening lately. It's good to prioritize safety and mental health, and we're glad that you're doing what you need to do to protect that. I really hope it helps with the anxiety to some degree. Anxiety is hell sometimes.

Also glad to hear that there wasn't a big event causing this. The internet can be a nasty place sometimes and it's good to hear that no one's gone after you.

[silvercat17]

Good for you. You gotta take care of yourself.

[the_broken_tower]

Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. I hope it works out and you're able to get what you need from the change.

- Toshiro

[numb3r_5ev3n]

Good on you for doing what you need to do. And yeah, it does seem like an already stressful and somewhat hostile environment has gotten even more so. Here's hoping that the filters keep the trolls and nonsense to a minimum. Take care of yourself. <3

[minoanmiss]

I'm relieved this is coming out of self-care rather than that someone dropped a big load of crap on you.

[talewisefellowship]

I totally respect that. Do what you need to do man

--Hikaru

[someonefromthewater]

This sounds wise. Celebritydom is hard.

[pantha]

Glad you are practicing self-care. Hope your anxiety improves. In the meantime, *hugs* for any and all of you who would like them.

[tomato_greens]

good luck, and I hope the breathing room is freeing.

[itsamellama]

♥ Take care! Do whatever you need to, as others have said :)

[grahamlore]

Glad you are taking care of yourselves. Taking a step back and locking down your internet presence is super reasonable. Hope that therapy and meds are helpful - anxiety can be so rough!

[spacerobotcrew]

Take care. <3 I feel you on all of this.

I hate that the internet used to be a place that felt like so much openness and freedom, but now... I'm definitely feeling that there's a lot of freedom in NOT being public. I too have locked down most of my social media stuff.

[sinistmer]

I'm glad you're making a decision to give yourself that space. Good luck with figuring stuff out-anxiety is a beast!

[inthywings]

good luck and take care. do what you need to do ^^

[remiel]

Do absolutely whatever you need to take care of yourself. It's been a super intense few years. I know I kinda fell off the face of the Earth once I moved, but I think about all of you, all the time, with best wishes always. So I haven't forgotten you guys, and I'm still here (it's easiest to catch me on Discord, for some reason my email was sending DW notifications to spam for a good while?).

Sending love and hope some of the space is helping, if even just a little bit <3

[pilotsofanewsky]

I understand your decision and I think it's good that you're taking care of yourself. I hope it helps.