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The Absolutely Correct Story of King Baldwin IV
Mori: Lately, I've been on a kick reading about notable people with Hansen's disease, which is how I learned about King Baldwin IV, AKA Baldwin the Leper, AKA the dude who really didn't want to be king, shouldn't have been king, and kept being king anyway.
He was the Frankish king of Jerusalem from 1174-1185, a time period I knew jack all about before reading The Leper King and His Heirs, by Bernard Hamilton, because royalty and the Crusades rank high on the list of topics I don't care about. I have been reading this dry, academic book, the kind that comes with six family trees in the front, about this poor schmuck Baldwin IV, and despite the dryness, it is still kinda amazing. So here is the absolutely legit, I've-totally-understood-this-book-properly-I-swear MoriNotes of The Life of King Baldwin IV, The World's Most Reluctant King.
Okay, so Baldwin IV only became king at all because the kings of the Crusader Kingdoms kept dying without heirs. They didn't have the same rules of primogeniture there, because logistically it never would've worked. Two kings before Baldwin IV was Uncle Baldwin III. Then he died in an improbable hunting accident (he got thrown from his horse, the saddle came off and smashed into his head), and since he didn't have any heirs, the crown got passed to his younger brother, Amalric. King Amalric managed to sire a few kids before catching dysentery and shitting himself to death in his thirties, and now they needed to pick one to rule.
Sibyl was 15 and had spent basically her whole life in a convent. Had she been older and more worldly (and married), she would've been in charge, but she wasn't. Second was Baldwin IV, who was 13 and... well. We'll get to that. And finally there was Isabel, who was like five so there was no way she was getting the throne.
Under normal circumstances, Amalric's wife would've become regent, but that was also a big to-do. See, Amalric had been FORCED to divorce his first wife, the one who bore Sibyl and Baldwin, on account of them having a great-grandfather in common. She agreed to leave quietly and never pursue the throne, as long as she and her children got a pension for life, so she was out. And as for the second wife, well, everyone hated her. Loathed her. Nobody wanted her to be regent.
And then there was Baldwin IV. Thirteen years old, great with horses... and who'd had a numb arm since he was eight, which everyone knew about. And everyone knew that might mean leprosy, but nobody wanted to say leprosy, because (A) nobody was sure yet, and who wants to be known as "the guy who wrongfully diagnosed THE KING with leprosy," (B) leprosy was basically a social death sentence and (C) they reaaalllly needed a king. (Also, while there were rules about what to do with KNIGHTS who got Hansen's disease--ship 'em off to the Order of Saint Lazarus--there weren't any rules about what to do with KINGS with Hansen's disease, probably because they'd never had the problem come up before.)
So they were like, "okay, okay, Baldwin IV is the best we've got, we have a few years before he comes of age; hopefully during that time, we can marry off Sibyl, get a better regent, and... hey... maybe it isn't leprosy?"
It was leprosy.
It was BAD leprosy too, lepromatous leprosy. As they discovered when Baldwin IV hit puberty like a cartoon anvil, which apparently can make the disease much worse. But by that point, it was too late; the poor schmuck was already king. What's worse, he was a king GUARANTEED to have no heirs, because people with his disease were forbidden from marrying or begatting, because people thought the disease might be sexually transmitted. (It is not.)
A series of regents ensues.
So first is Raymond III of Tripoli. He runs things for a couple years until Baldwin IV comes of age in July 1176. He does a pretty decent job, not so great at foreign policy, and oh, we'll come back to him. Remember Raymond of Tripoli.
Then there's Sibyl's first husband, William Longsword of Montferrat (who I'm sure had many dick jokes made about him). He marries Sibyl in November 1176, and everyone is relieved. Oh, thank god, they have a regent, everything doesn't rest on this poor sick teenager who everyone now knows has the L-word.
Baldwin IV says, "Hey, William, buddy, I'll abdicate for you. I really shouldn't be king."
William says, "Yeah, no, sorry buddy, no way in hell, a bunch of your nobles hate my guts, I'll regent for you but no way will I be king, they'll poison my wine."
Dude is dead by June. Maybe poison, more likely sickness. Baldwin IV comes and visits him, gets sick too.
Well, shit. Now their regent is dead AND their sick king is EVEN SICKER. And Sibyl is pregnant and there's laws saying she can't marry again for at least a year. Baldwin IV sighs and says, "Okay, Prince Raynald Chatillon, you're my regent for as long as I'm sick."
Prince Raynald Chatillon does an okay job, but his appointment still causes drama because he's not Raymond of Tripoli.
A couple months later, in August 1177, Count Philip of Flanders shows up, here for God, glory... and you know, maybe pillage, plunder and a kingship in the holy land.
Baldwin IV is too sick to walk or ride, so he gets his ass carried in a goddamn litter to Philip and goes, "Oh thank god. Please be my regent. We're on the verge of war with Egypt, and as you can see, I'm not up for it."
Philip goes, "Regent? I thought you had William Dickjoke!"
"Yeah, he ate himself to death. It's Raynald of Chatillon now, and the nobles aren't happy about it."
"I'm not happy about it either, but no way will I regent for you. I'm not here for power, but for GOD!"
"...you aren't willing to settle for regency when you can be ruler of Egypt, aren't you."
"NOPE! Sure ain't!"
"Then congratulations, Raynald of Chatillon, you're back to being regent. Count Philip of Flanders, you're his assistant."
"What? No! Not that dickbag!"
"I am open to other suggestions."
"Just marry off Sibyl again! Then you've got your regent who ISN'T Raynald of Shitillon. I know just the guy."
"Hmm. We have to ask the High Court."
The High Court says, "Okay, who is this guy you want Sibyl to marry? We'll see if he's suitable."
Philip goes, "What? No! If you say no, it'll be a total scandal for the poor guy. Think of his honor! You just have to take my word for it, he's great, and marry her to him."
High Court: "Fuck you, WE get to decide who she marries!"
Philip: "NO, I DO! I'M HER FAMILY!"
High Court: "YOU JUST GOT HERE!"
So Philip gets huffy and it doesn't end up happening. Raynald of Chatillon stays regent, and seems to take the whole demotion and abrupt re-promotion in stride.
Then Saladin pops up like, "Hello! I am conquering everyone around you! Gee, I sure might be a problem for you guys in the future!"
Baldwin IV is like, "Okay, I can still ride my horse, I only have one working arm, but I can do this, time for the Battle of Mount Gisard!" So he rides off to battle, along with Philip of Flanders (who will NOT get to conquer Egypt) and Raynald of Chatillon.
The Franks are vastly outnumbered, to the point that when they see Saladin's army, they just retreat into the city from whence they came, and Saladin gets overconfident. He's like, "What an embarrassment of an army, I don't even need to leave watchmen surveying their forces, go forth and plunder, my men!" Which scatters his troops into various smaller raiding parties, and Baldwin IV and co manage to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat thanks to that, ten days of horrible rain, and, as they put it, "divine aid." Which I'm pretty sure is 1100s for "insane luck." They still come out with heavy casualties; it isn't an easy victory.
It's 1178, Baldwin IV is sixteen, and his ass is dragging. He sends the following letter to King Louie VII of France:
"To be deprived of the use of one's limbs is of little help to one in carrying out the work of government. If I could be cured of the disease of Naaman, I would wash seven times in Jordan, but I have found in the present age no Elisha who can heal me. It is not fitting that a hand so weak as mine should hold power when fear of Arab aggression daily presses upon the Holy City and when my sickness increases the enemy's daring ... I therefore beg you that, having called together the barons of the kingdom of France, you immediately choose one of them to take charge of this Holy Kingdom. For We are prepared to receive with affection whomever you send Us, and We will hand over the kingdom to a suitable successor."
In other words: "I really shouldn't be king, guys. Please send me someone, anyone, I beg you."
Saladin pops back up: "Hey guys! Remember me? Still conquering everything in sight! I've got Egypt now! Sucks to be you, Count Philip! By the way, I notice your king is a leper, have y'all seriously not noticed that?"
The Franks are like, "SHUT UP SALADIN OUR KING IS GREAT AND CHASTE AND HONORABLE! Shit, we have to do something about this guy."
So there's some battling back and forth. Count Philip doesn't really accomplish much (and he certainly doesn't get to rule Egypt) so he slinks back home to try again later. Baldwin IV does better fighting than he has any right to, still rides his ass into battle; he can't walk and he's only got one working arm but he can still ride. During one fight in Marj Uyun, he gets thrown off his horse, can't get back on, and a knight has to piggyback-carry him off the field.
Baldwin IV sees the writing on the wall and starts prepping his big sister Sibyl to be his heir. Sibyl has born the baby that William's Longsword left her with (Baldwin V) and her year-long mourning period has passed, which means she can marry again and get the Franks a regent who isn't Raynald of Chatillon or Raymond of Tripoli. They decide on Hugh, the lord Duke of Burgundy, but they have to ship him over to Jerusalem, which will take a while.
A while becomes never. Because of various intrigues and a potential civil war, Hugh can't leave Burgundy. And this is when Raymond of Tripoli comes back, like, "REMEMBER ME???? 8D I'MA COUP D'ETAT YOUR ASS BALDWIN IV! THIS IS MY KINGDOM NOW! CHECK OUT THE ARMY I RAISED!"
Baldwin IV is like, "nooooo Raymond, I was finally, FINALLY going to find someone to abdicate to, don't ruin this for me."
"I'M RUINING IT! I'M RUINING IT! Seriously, why don't you abdicate to ME?"
"Because, Raymond, you were lousy at foreign policy when I was a child, you're no better now, and have you not noticed Saladin conquering everybody in sight?"
Well, there's only one thing to do: marry off Sibyl before Raymond of Tripoli and his buddy arrive and make her marry someone they like. (Being married themselves, they at least can't nab her for themselves.) However, there isn't a lot of time, there aren't that many single guys in Jerusalem of appropriate age and rank who aren't relatives, so Sibyl ends up with Guy of Lusignan. (Fortunately, she likes him--arguably too much, as you'll find out later.) They also hastily ship little sister Isabel (now about eight years old) off to one of the toughest fortresses they've got and get her betrothed to a guy named Humphrey, so nobody can forcibly marry HER.
Of course, people aren't happy about Guy of Lusignan, because they think he's kinda useless. And Raymond of Tripoli isn't going to just disappear and go, "Aw shucks, you totally outwitted me for good." He'll be back. Oh, he'll be back. Baldwin IV dares not quit kinging for as long as there's that unrest, and he's the only one that can keep this flaming shit-barrel rolling, because he's the only one that (almost) everybody respects and obeys. So he sighs and keeps trucking on (he does a lot of that), and brokers a two-year peace with Saladin so he can get his shit together. Saladin is dealing with his own intrigues, so he says sure.
Meanwhile, the pope gets sore about Baldwin IV being king, because he's realized that Baldwin IV is also Baldwin the Leper, and the pope is very anti-leper.
"You realize that dude is 'severely afflicted by the just judgment of God', right? You realize that he 'is scarcely able to bear the continual torments of his body', right? Also, I legislated that lepers should be segregated and SEGREGATED DOESN'T MEAN BEING KING."
The Franks go, "SHUT UP POPE OUR KING IS GREAT AND CHASTE AND HONORABLE."
And Baldwin IV goes, "THE ONLY REASON I AM STILL KING IS BECAUSE I CAN'T FIND SOMEONE DECENT TO ABDICATE TO. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE HERE, YOUR HOLINESS."
(Throughout all this, by the way, religious fights are happening. I ignorantly assumed that the Crusades were a monolith: Christians on one side invading, Muslims on the other side being invaded and fighting back. No. Totally wrong. There were Christians in the holy land already--Armenians, Eastern Orthodox folks--there were a bunch of different Muslim factions, including a cult of assassins, and the in-fighting puts social media to shame. There was plenty of instances of "we may not share a religion, but we share a language and culture, which matters more," "you treat us okay, so sure, we're allies," and "well, you are heathens who wear funny clothes and eat (or refuse to eat) rice, but you're the enemy of my enemy so I guess I'll ally with you for a little bit." Eastern patriarchs fight Catholic patriarchs, popes fight antipopes, Raymond of Tripoli's coup d'etat buddy divorces his wife, gets excommunicated, and steals his excommunicator's land in revenge... it's like high school with swords and crosses.)
Anyway, Baldwin IV remains dubious of Raymond of Tripoli. He keeps prepping Sibyl and also her new Guy to take over for him, and in spring 1181, when Raymond of Tripoli tries to enter the kingdom, Baldwin IV goes, "no, you tried to coup d'etat me once; you don't get a second try."
The High Court says, "come on, Baldwin IV, don't be like that, reconcile with Raymond of Tripoli."
"HE TRIED TO DEPOSE ME!"
"That was two whole years ago! And hey, you know what was also almost two years ago? That two-year truce with Saladin, who's still VERY into conquering."
Baldwin IV doesn't like either of these things, but he dislikes Raymond of Tripoli less, so he makes friendly with Raymond, who makes friendly with Sibyl's Guy. (He seems to be one of the few who do. Half of everyone hates Guy.)
The truce ends with Saladin and Baldwin IV both accusing the other of violating the terms, and they battle in Forbelet. The Franks manage to win despite the roasting July heat, which is so brutal it flat-out KILLS the guy carrying the cross home afterward. Baldwin IV is there, even though he must be sick and miserable, but he's still up to riding for 200 miles, and he's the only one who has everyone's obedience and respect. For him, they're willing to put aside the in-fighting, a little, for the moment. Raymond of Tripoli even accompanies him when he leads a cavalry force into Damascus.
The battles, skirmishes, and raids go back and forth. The whole enterprise is expensive enough that Jerusalem tries something truly radical: an income tax.
It's 1183 now, Baldwin IV is about 21, and he's getting sicker and sicker. He's blind, pretty rough to behold, and can't use his hands or feet due to ulcers, but his mind's still good and his kingdom is still a pit of backbiting vipers and STLL nobody likes Guy, so Baldwin IV keeps dragging on, being king, hoping that everyone will eventually come around and stop hating Guy.
Then a fever sets in, and everyone's sure this is the end. Guy of Lusignan is the heir, so Baldwin IV says, "you're my regent now, as long as you promise not to be king till I die. Good luck fighting Saladin."
Guy does not have good luck fighting Saladin. Everybody still hates his guts, the vassals don't respect or want to obey him, and some people don't want him to succeed at all because that'll make it harder to get rid of him later. Guy does mediocre in battle, which just makes the vassals even less cooperative. ("See? We TOLD you he sucks!")
Baldwin IV recovers from the fever, surprising everyone, including himself. While sick and presumed dying, he gave all the lands to Guy but Jerusalem, where the climate's not good for him, so he asks Guy to trade Jerusalem for the more salubrious coastal Tyre. Guy says no; he wants that sweet Acre tax money.
Baldwin IV is also Baldwin "maybe forgive, never forget." He fires Guy from being the heir and regent, which the vassals are all very happy about, because they're still sure Guy is useless in battle, and they have one coming up.
See, Saladin is trying to crash Baldwin IV's little sister Isabel's wedding. With mangonels. (It's a kind of trebuchet, kinda a battle seesaw.) Because one of the wedding party sends him food from the banquet, he kindly decides to point the mangonels away from the tower containing the not-so-happy couple. (After all, corpses make for bad ransom.)
Firing Guy means a new heir/regent has to be picked, since Baldwin IV no longer has a nose or working eyes or limbs, and he surely can't last much longer. His mom suggests his nephew Baldwin V, the son of big sister Sibyl and dear departed William Longsword of Montferrat. Baldwin V is only five, but his claim to the throne is clear, and he's not Guy of Lusignan, so for once, most people are okay with it. (Except Guy. Guy is butthurt about it.)
Meanwhile, Saladin is hammering the wedding party. Baldwin IV and company ride to the rescue. (Well, Baldwin IV is too sick to ride, but he's the one everyone listens to, so they tote his dying ass to the battlefield in a litter. Hey, it worked the last time!) Saladin decides he doesn't want to siege a castle and fight the Franks at the same time, so he leaves without a battle. Victory abroad!
Trouble at home. Since co-king Baldwin V is five, if (when) Baldwin IV keels over again, they'll need a regent. Which usually means the kid's parents, big sister Sibyl and Guy, the latter of whom has just been fired. Baldwin IV doesn't want Guy weaseling his way back into the regency through the back door, and he remembers his own parents' forcible divorce, so he says to Sibyl, "Sis, help me annul your marriage so Guy can't be regent again."
"No! I like him! He's my Guy. You're on your own, little brother."
So Baldwin IV keeps trying to summon Guy to get the marriage annulled, but Guy isn't stupid, he knows about the plan, so he keeps saying, "nope, sorry, can't make it, in terrible health you know, hack cough wheeze." They go through a few rounds of this, until finally Baldwin IV has his crippled ass carried to Guy's lands in Ascalon to bang on the door and say, "come out and attend me, you failure." Guy shuts the gates in his face, won't let him in, which is a huge insult to the king and a brother-in-law, and Baldwin IV goes, "Fine! I'm taking half your fief, and I'll take this half too by force! You want a fight? You've got it!"
The patriarch and the two guys in charge of the Knights Templar and the Hospitallers go, "Dude, no, let it go. Don't be a dick."
"He shut my own gates on me! I can't just let him do that! Think of my honor!"
"Think of Saladin. We can't afford a civil war right now. Just pick someone else to be regent and let it go."
So Baldwin IV sighs. "Where's Raynald of Chatillon?"
"Dealing with Saladin's forces up in Syria. He's not available."
"Fine. Congratulations, Raymond of Tripoli. Once again, you'll be my regent."
Raymond of Tripoli pumps his fist and crows, "YES! THE FIRST SHALL BE LAST, BABY!"
Meanwhile, as all this is going on, Saladin has returned to sieging the wedding castle (though the wedding is now over) with his mangonels and his pet baby giraffe (a noncombatant). So it's back in the litter and back to the battlefield. Once again, Saladin leaves without a fight when they appear, but while they're busy repairing the castle's mangonel damage, he attacks some other Frankish places.
Baldwin IV is still hoping a better regent will come through from western Europe, but none does. He gets another fever, and it becomes clear that this really is the end. Nobody wants Guy to be regent (well, except Guy), so Raymond of Tripoli it is.
People remember that coup, though. They keep an eye on him and restrict his powers.
Baldwin IV dies before May 16, 1185, at the world-weary age of twenty-three. As he shuffles off this mortal coil with a sigh of relief, I presume he prays his survivors don't fuck it up.
They fuck it up.
King Baldwin V only makes it a year before dying himself in 1186, about nine years old. Time for another succession battle! Who's it going to be? Raymond of Tripoli, who tried to stage one coup already? Guy of Lusignan, who's been fired from ascension already due to incompetence?
Psych out! It's big sister Sibyl! She's queen now, the High Court says, as long as she divorces Guy so he can't yoink the throne. She says fine, she'll do it, as long as Guy gets to stay count of Jaffa and Ascalon, their kids are seen as legitimate, and Sibyl gets to pick her next husband. (I assume that after having no say in her two marriages, her betrothal to Hugh of Burgundy, and now a divorce, twenty-five-year-old Sibyl is sick of being passed around like a Christmas fruitcake.) The High Court agree, she dumps Guy, and long live Queen Sibyl.
Except oho, what's this? Sibyl outwits the High Court! She gets to pick her next hubs, so she picks Guy again and he becomes, no shitting, King Guy! (Meanwhile, in the cemetery, a shriek of indignation is heard from the grave of Baldwin IV.)
Raymond of Tripoli is just as pissed, so much so that he goes to Sibyl and Baldwin IV's little sister Isabel (and her husband Humphrey, the one who had his wedding night during a Saladin siege) and goes, "hey, want to be queen and king instead?"
Humphrey goes, "and start a civil war? No way!" and sneaks off to pledge himself to Sibyl and Guy.
Sibyl and Guy decide that maybe having a dude around who's already attempted one coup is a bad idea. They march on Raymond of Tripoli.
And Raymond of Tripoli goes, "hey, Saladin, I'll let you track troops through my lands! Want to make peace and take me under your protection?"
Saladin goes, "And help the Franks dissolve into factionalism so they destroy themselves for me? WOULD I!"
"You'll make me king of Jerusalem, right? You're totally fine with continuing Christian control of Jerusalem, right?"
"...sure, buddy."
"Great! Ha, and Baldwin IV said I was bad at foreign policy!"
A lot of people are pissed with Raymond of Tripoli, especially after Saladin kills some Christians on Raymond's land. His vassals threaten to dump him. The clergy threaten to excommunicate him and annul his marriage. When King Guy rides in and goes, "are you done now? You going to quit this tantrum and pay homage to me?" Raymond of Tripoli goes, "Ugh, fine. Who would've thought this'd bite me in the ass?"
They band together, go to war against Saladin, and get their asses royally creamed in 1187. Raymond of Tripoli survives and makes it back to Tripoli, only to get sick and die, hated by everybody. King Guy gets taken prisoner, gets released in 1188, tries another siege, and fails. Queen Sibyl and all her kids die in an epidemic during, and since Guy only got to be king because of her, he gets demoted to being lord of Cyprus (where he apparently doesn't suck.) Saladin conquers damn near all the Frankish East by 1189, including Jerusalem, and executes Raynald of Chattilon. (It's what Raynald would've wanted. He got a nice heroic martyr's death for refusing to convert to Islam.) Count Philip of Flanders tries to go a-crusading in the Middle East again, only to die in an epidemic there in 1191. Little sister Isabel becomes the Queen of Jerusalem in exile until she dies in 1205, and her mother, Baldwin IV's stepmother, outlives them all, dying in 1217.
The kingdom lasted only two years after Baldwin IV.
He was the Frankish king of Jerusalem from 1174-1185, a time period I knew jack all about before reading The Leper King and His Heirs, by Bernard Hamilton, because royalty and the Crusades rank high on the list of topics I don't care about. I have been reading this dry, academic book, the kind that comes with six family trees in the front, about this poor schmuck Baldwin IV, and despite the dryness, it is still kinda amazing. So here is the absolutely legit, I've-totally-understood-this-book-properly-I-swear MoriNotes of The Life of King Baldwin IV, The World's Most Reluctant King.
Okay, so Baldwin IV only became king at all because the kings of the Crusader Kingdoms kept dying without heirs. They didn't have the same rules of primogeniture there, because logistically it never would've worked. Two kings before Baldwin IV was Uncle Baldwin III. Then he died in an improbable hunting accident (he got thrown from his horse, the saddle came off and smashed into his head), and since he didn't have any heirs, the crown got passed to his younger brother, Amalric. King Amalric managed to sire a few kids before catching dysentery and shitting himself to death in his thirties, and now they needed to pick one to rule.
Sibyl was 15 and had spent basically her whole life in a convent. Had she been older and more worldly (and married), she would've been in charge, but she wasn't. Second was Baldwin IV, who was 13 and... well. We'll get to that. And finally there was Isabel, who was like five so there was no way she was getting the throne.
Under normal circumstances, Amalric's wife would've become regent, but that was also a big to-do. See, Amalric had been FORCED to divorce his first wife, the one who bore Sibyl and Baldwin, on account of them having a great-grandfather in common. She agreed to leave quietly and never pursue the throne, as long as she and her children got a pension for life, so she was out. And as for the second wife, well, everyone hated her. Loathed her. Nobody wanted her to be regent.
And then there was Baldwin IV. Thirteen years old, great with horses... and who'd had a numb arm since he was eight, which everyone knew about. And everyone knew that might mean leprosy, but nobody wanted to say leprosy, because (A) nobody was sure yet, and who wants to be known as "the guy who wrongfully diagnosed THE KING with leprosy," (B) leprosy was basically a social death sentence and (C) they reaaalllly needed a king. (Also, while there were rules about what to do with KNIGHTS who got Hansen's disease--ship 'em off to the Order of Saint Lazarus--there weren't any rules about what to do with KINGS with Hansen's disease, probably because they'd never had the problem come up before.)
So they were like, "okay, okay, Baldwin IV is the best we've got, we have a few years before he comes of age; hopefully during that time, we can marry off Sibyl, get a better regent, and... hey... maybe it isn't leprosy?"
It was leprosy.
It was BAD leprosy too, lepromatous leprosy. As they discovered when Baldwin IV hit puberty like a cartoon anvil, which apparently can make the disease much worse. But by that point, it was too late; the poor schmuck was already king. What's worse, he was a king GUARANTEED to have no heirs, because people with his disease were forbidden from marrying or begatting, because people thought the disease might be sexually transmitted. (It is not.)
A series of regents ensues.
So first is Raymond III of Tripoli. He runs things for a couple years until Baldwin IV comes of age in July 1176. He does a pretty decent job, not so great at foreign policy, and oh, we'll come back to him. Remember Raymond of Tripoli.
Then there's Sibyl's first husband, William Longsword of Montferrat (who I'm sure had many dick jokes made about him). He marries Sibyl in November 1176, and everyone is relieved. Oh, thank god, they have a regent, everything doesn't rest on this poor sick teenager who everyone now knows has the L-word.
Baldwin IV says, "Hey, William, buddy, I'll abdicate for you. I really shouldn't be king."
William says, "Yeah, no, sorry buddy, no way in hell, a bunch of your nobles hate my guts, I'll regent for you but no way will I be king, they'll poison my wine."
Dude is dead by June. Maybe poison, more likely sickness. Baldwin IV comes and visits him, gets sick too.
Well, shit. Now their regent is dead AND their sick king is EVEN SICKER. And Sibyl is pregnant and there's laws saying she can't marry again for at least a year. Baldwin IV sighs and says, "Okay, Prince Raynald Chatillon, you're my regent for as long as I'm sick."
Prince Raynald Chatillon does an okay job, but his appointment still causes drama because he's not Raymond of Tripoli.
A couple months later, in August 1177, Count Philip of Flanders shows up, here for God, glory... and you know, maybe pillage, plunder and a kingship in the holy land.
Baldwin IV is too sick to walk or ride, so he gets his ass carried in a goddamn litter to Philip and goes, "Oh thank god. Please be my regent. We're on the verge of war with Egypt, and as you can see, I'm not up for it."
Philip goes, "Regent? I thought you had William Dickjoke!"
"Yeah, he ate himself to death. It's Raynald of Chatillon now, and the nobles aren't happy about it."
"I'm not happy about it either, but no way will I regent for you. I'm not here for power, but for GOD!"
"...you aren't willing to settle for regency when you can be ruler of Egypt, aren't you."
"NOPE! Sure ain't!"
"Then congratulations, Raynald of Chatillon, you're back to being regent. Count Philip of Flanders, you're his assistant."
"What? No! Not that dickbag!"
"I am open to other suggestions."
"Just marry off Sibyl again! Then you've got your regent who ISN'T Raynald of Shitillon. I know just the guy."
"Hmm. We have to ask the High Court."
The High Court says, "Okay, who is this guy you want Sibyl to marry? We'll see if he's suitable."
Philip goes, "What? No! If you say no, it'll be a total scandal for the poor guy. Think of his honor! You just have to take my word for it, he's great, and marry her to him."
High Court: "Fuck you, WE get to decide who she marries!"
Philip: "NO, I DO! I'M HER FAMILY!"
High Court: "YOU JUST GOT HERE!"
So Philip gets huffy and it doesn't end up happening. Raynald of Chatillon stays regent, and seems to take the whole demotion and abrupt re-promotion in stride.
Then Saladin pops up like, "Hello! I am conquering everyone around you! Gee, I sure might be a problem for you guys in the future!"
Baldwin IV is like, "Okay, I can still ride my horse, I only have one working arm, but I can do this, time for the Battle of Mount Gisard!" So he rides off to battle, along with Philip of Flanders (who will NOT get to conquer Egypt) and Raynald of Chatillon.
The Franks are vastly outnumbered, to the point that when they see Saladin's army, they just retreat into the city from whence they came, and Saladin gets overconfident. He's like, "What an embarrassment of an army, I don't even need to leave watchmen surveying their forces, go forth and plunder, my men!" Which scatters his troops into various smaller raiding parties, and Baldwin IV and co manage to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat thanks to that, ten days of horrible rain, and, as they put it, "divine aid." Which I'm pretty sure is 1100s for "insane luck." They still come out with heavy casualties; it isn't an easy victory.
It's 1178, Baldwin IV is sixteen, and his ass is dragging. He sends the following letter to King Louie VII of France:
"To be deprived of the use of one's limbs is of little help to one in carrying out the work of government. If I could be cured of the disease of Naaman, I would wash seven times in Jordan, but I have found in the present age no Elisha who can heal me. It is not fitting that a hand so weak as mine should hold power when fear of Arab aggression daily presses upon the Holy City and when my sickness increases the enemy's daring ... I therefore beg you that, having called together the barons of the kingdom of France, you immediately choose one of them to take charge of this Holy Kingdom. For We are prepared to receive with affection whomever you send Us, and We will hand over the kingdom to a suitable successor."
In other words: "I really shouldn't be king, guys. Please send me someone, anyone, I beg you."
Saladin pops back up: "Hey guys! Remember me? Still conquering everything in sight! I've got Egypt now! Sucks to be you, Count Philip! By the way, I notice your king is a leper, have y'all seriously not noticed that?"
The Franks are like, "SHUT UP SALADIN OUR KING IS GREAT AND CHASTE AND HONORABLE! Shit, we have to do something about this guy."
So there's some battling back and forth. Count Philip doesn't really accomplish much (and he certainly doesn't get to rule Egypt) so he slinks back home to try again later. Baldwin IV does better fighting than he has any right to, still rides his ass into battle; he can't walk and he's only got one working arm but he can still ride. During one fight in Marj Uyun, he gets thrown off his horse, can't get back on, and a knight has to piggyback-carry him off the field.
Baldwin IV sees the writing on the wall and starts prepping his big sister Sibyl to be his heir. Sibyl has born the baby that William's Longsword left her with (Baldwin V) and her year-long mourning period has passed, which means she can marry again and get the Franks a regent who isn't Raynald of Chatillon or Raymond of Tripoli. They decide on Hugh, the lord Duke of Burgundy, but they have to ship him over to Jerusalem, which will take a while.
A while becomes never. Because of various intrigues and a potential civil war, Hugh can't leave Burgundy. And this is when Raymond of Tripoli comes back, like, "REMEMBER ME???? 8D I'MA COUP D'ETAT YOUR ASS BALDWIN IV! THIS IS MY KINGDOM NOW! CHECK OUT THE ARMY I RAISED!"
Baldwin IV is like, "nooooo Raymond, I was finally, FINALLY going to find someone to abdicate to, don't ruin this for me."
"I'M RUINING IT! I'M RUINING IT! Seriously, why don't you abdicate to ME?"
"Because, Raymond, you were lousy at foreign policy when I was a child, you're no better now, and have you not noticed Saladin conquering everybody in sight?"
Well, there's only one thing to do: marry off Sibyl before Raymond of Tripoli and his buddy arrive and make her marry someone they like. (Being married themselves, they at least can't nab her for themselves.) However, there isn't a lot of time, there aren't that many single guys in Jerusalem of appropriate age and rank who aren't relatives, so Sibyl ends up with Guy of Lusignan. (Fortunately, she likes him--arguably too much, as you'll find out later.) They also hastily ship little sister Isabel (now about eight years old) off to one of the toughest fortresses they've got and get her betrothed to a guy named Humphrey, so nobody can forcibly marry HER.
Of course, people aren't happy about Guy of Lusignan, because they think he's kinda useless. And Raymond of Tripoli isn't going to just disappear and go, "Aw shucks, you totally outwitted me for good." He'll be back. Oh, he'll be back. Baldwin IV dares not quit kinging for as long as there's that unrest, and he's the only one that can keep this flaming shit-barrel rolling, because he's the only one that (almost) everybody respects and obeys. So he sighs and keeps trucking on (he does a lot of that), and brokers a two-year peace with Saladin so he can get his shit together. Saladin is dealing with his own intrigues, so he says sure.
Meanwhile, the pope gets sore about Baldwin IV being king, because he's realized that Baldwin IV is also Baldwin the Leper, and the pope is very anti-leper.
"You realize that dude is 'severely afflicted by the just judgment of God', right? You realize that he 'is scarcely able to bear the continual torments of his body', right? Also, I legislated that lepers should be segregated and SEGREGATED DOESN'T MEAN BEING KING."
The Franks go, "SHUT UP POPE OUR KING IS GREAT AND CHASTE AND HONORABLE."
And Baldwin IV goes, "THE ONLY REASON I AM STILL KING IS BECAUSE I CAN'T FIND SOMEONE DECENT TO ABDICATE TO. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE HERE, YOUR HOLINESS."
(Throughout all this, by the way, religious fights are happening. I ignorantly assumed that the Crusades were a monolith: Christians on one side invading, Muslims on the other side being invaded and fighting back. No. Totally wrong. There were Christians in the holy land already--Armenians, Eastern Orthodox folks--there were a bunch of different Muslim factions, including a cult of assassins, and the in-fighting puts social media to shame. There was plenty of instances of "we may not share a religion, but we share a language and culture, which matters more," "you treat us okay, so sure, we're allies," and "well, you are heathens who wear funny clothes and eat (or refuse to eat) rice, but you're the enemy of my enemy so I guess I'll ally with you for a little bit." Eastern patriarchs fight Catholic patriarchs, popes fight antipopes, Raymond of Tripoli's coup d'etat buddy divorces his wife, gets excommunicated, and steals his excommunicator's land in revenge... it's like high school with swords and crosses.)
Anyway, Baldwin IV remains dubious of Raymond of Tripoli. He keeps prepping Sibyl and also her new Guy to take over for him, and in spring 1181, when Raymond of Tripoli tries to enter the kingdom, Baldwin IV goes, "no, you tried to coup d'etat me once; you don't get a second try."
The High Court says, "come on, Baldwin IV, don't be like that, reconcile with Raymond of Tripoli."
"HE TRIED TO DEPOSE ME!"
"That was two whole years ago! And hey, you know what was also almost two years ago? That two-year truce with Saladin, who's still VERY into conquering."
Baldwin IV doesn't like either of these things, but he dislikes Raymond of Tripoli less, so he makes friendly with Raymond, who makes friendly with Sibyl's Guy. (He seems to be one of the few who do. Half of everyone hates Guy.)
The truce ends with Saladin and Baldwin IV both accusing the other of violating the terms, and they battle in Forbelet. The Franks manage to win despite the roasting July heat, which is so brutal it flat-out KILLS the guy carrying the cross home afterward. Baldwin IV is there, even though he must be sick and miserable, but he's still up to riding for 200 miles, and he's the only one who has everyone's obedience and respect. For him, they're willing to put aside the in-fighting, a little, for the moment. Raymond of Tripoli even accompanies him when he leads a cavalry force into Damascus.
The battles, skirmishes, and raids go back and forth. The whole enterprise is expensive enough that Jerusalem tries something truly radical: an income tax.
It's 1183 now, Baldwin IV is about 21, and he's getting sicker and sicker. He's blind, pretty rough to behold, and can't use his hands or feet due to ulcers, but his mind's still good and his kingdom is still a pit of backbiting vipers and STLL nobody likes Guy, so Baldwin IV keeps dragging on, being king, hoping that everyone will eventually come around and stop hating Guy.
Then a fever sets in, and everyone's sure this is the end. Guy of Lusignan is the heir, so Baldwin IV says, "you're my regent now, as long as you promise not to be king till I die. Good luck fighting Saladin."
Guy does not have good luck fighting Saladin. Everybody still hates his guts, the vassals don't respect or want to obey him, and some people don't want him to succeed at all because that'll make it harder to get rid of him later. Guy does mediocre in battle, which just makes the vassals even less cooperative. ("See? We TOLD you he sucks!")
Baldwin IV recovers from the fever, surprising everyone, including himself. While sick and presumed dying, he gave all the lands to Guy but Jerusalem, where the climate's not good for him, so he asks Guy to trade Jerusalem for the more salubrious coastal Tyre. Guy says no; he wants that sweet Acre tax money.
Baldwin IV is also Baldwin "maybe forgive, never forget." He fires Guy from being the heir and regent, which the vassals are all very happy about, because they're still sure Guy is useless in battle, and they have one coming up.
See, Saladin is trying to crash Baldwin IV's little sister Isabel's wedding. With mangonels. (It's a kind of trebuchet, kinda a battle seesaw.) Because one of the wedding party sends him food from the banquet, he kindly decides to point the mangonels away from the tower containing the not-so-happy couple. (After all, corpses make for bad ransom.)
Firing Guy means a new heir/regent has to be picked, since Baldwin IV no longer has a nose or working eyes or limbs, and he surely can't last much longer. His mom suggests his nephew Baldwin V, the son of big sister Sibyl and dear departed William Longsword of Montferrat. Baldwin V is only five, but his claim to the throne is clear, and he's not Guy of Lusignan, so for once, most people are okay with it. (Except Guy. Guy is butthurt about it.)
Meanwhile, Saladin is hammering the wedding party. Baldwin IV and company ride to the rescue. (Well, Baldwin IV is too sick to ride, but he's the one everyone listens to, so they tote his dying ass to the battlefield in a litter. Hey, it worked the last time!) Saladin decides he doesn't want to siege a castle and fight the Franks at the same time, so he leaves without a battle. Victory abroad!
Trouble at home. Since co-king Baldwin V is five, if (when) Baldwin IV keels over again, they'll need a regent. Which usually means the kid's parents, big sister Sibyl and Guy, the latter of whom has just been fired. Baldwin IV doesn't want Guy weaseling his way back into the regency through the back door, and he remembers his own parents' forcible divorce, so he says to Sibyl, "Sis, help me annul your marriage so Guy can't be regent again."
"No! I like him! He's my Guy. You're on your own, little brother."
So Baldwin IV keeps trying to summon Guy to get the marriage annulled, but Guy isn't stupid, he knows about the plan, so he keeps saying, "nope, sorry, can't make it, in terrible health you know, hack cough wheeze." They go through a few rounds of this, until finally Baldwin IV has his crippled ass carried to Guy's lands in Ascalon to bang on the door and say, "come out and attend me, you failure." Guy shuts the gates in his face, won't let him in, which is a huge insult to the king and a brother-in-law, and Baldwin IV goes, "Fine! I'm taking half your fief, and I'll take this half too by force! You want a fight? You've got it!"
The patriarch and the two guys in charge of the Knights Templar and the Hospitallers go, "Dude, no, let it go. Don't be a dick."
"He shut my own gates on me! I can't just let him do that! Think of my honor!"
"Think of Saladin. We can't afford a civil war right now. Just pick someone else to be regent and let it go."
So Baldwin IV sighs. "Where's Raynald of Chatillon?"
"Dealing with Saladin's forces up in Syria. He's not available."
"Fine. Congratulations, Raymond of Tripoli. Once again, you'll be my regent."
Raymond of Tripoli pumps his fist and crows, "YES! THE FIRST SHALL BE LAST, BABY!"
Meanwhile, as all this is going on, Saladin has returned to sieging the wedding castle (though the wedding is now over) with his mangonels and his pet baby giraffe (a noncombatant). So it's back in the litter and back to the battlefield. Once again, Saladin leaves without a fight when they appear, but while they're busy repairing the castle's mangonel damage, he attacks some other Frankish places.
Baldwin IV is still hoping a better regent will come through from western Europe, but none does. He gets another fever, and it becomes clear that this really is the end. Nobody wants Guy to be regent (well, except Guy), so Raymond of Tripoli it is.
People remember that coup, though. They keep an eye on him and restrict his powers.
Baldwin IV dies before May 16, 1185, at the world-weary age of twenty-three. As he shuffles off this mortal coil with a sigh of relief, I presume he prays his survivors don't fuck it up.
They fuck it up.
King Baldwin V only makes it a year before dying himself in 1186, about nine years old. Time for another succession battle! Who's it going to be? Raymond of Tripoli, who tried to stage one coup already? Guy of Lusignan, who's been fired from ascension already due to incompetence?
Psych out! It's big sister Sibyl! She's queen now, the High Court says, as long as she divorces Guy so he can't yoink the throne. She says fine, she'll do it, as long as Guy gets to stay count of Jaffa and Ascalon, their kids are seen as legitimate, and Sibyl gets to pick her next husband. (I assume that after having no say in her two marriages, her betrothal to Hugh of Burgundy, and now a divorce, twenty-five-year-old Sibyl is sick of being passed around like a Christmas fruitcake.) The High Court agree, she dumps Guy, and long live Queen Sibyl.
Except oho, what's this? Sibyl outwits the High Court! She gets to pick her next hubs, so she picks Guy again and he becomes, no shitting, King Guy! (Meanwhile, in the cemetery, a shriek of indignation is heard from the grave of Baldwin IV.)
Raymond of Tripoli is just as pissed, so much so that he goes to Sibyl and Baldwin IV's little sister Isabel (and her husband Humphrey, the one who had his wedding night during a Saladin siege) and goes, "hey, want to be queen and king instead?"
Humphrey goes, "and start a civil war? No way!" and sneaks off to pledge himself to Sibyl and Guy.
Sibyl and Guy decide that maybe having a dude around who's already attempted one coup is a bad idea. They march on Raymond of Tripoli.
And Raymond of Tripoli goes, "hey, Saladin, I'll let you track troops through my lands! Want to make peace and take me under your protection?"
Saladin goes, "And help the Franks dissolve into factionalism so they destroy themselves for me? WOULD I!"
"You'll make me king of Jerusalem, right? You're totally fine with continuing Christian control of Jerusalem, right?"
"...sure, buddy."
"Great! Ha, and Baldwin IV said I was bad at foreign policy!"
A lot of people are pissed with Raymond of Tripoli, especially after Saladin kills some Christians on Raymond's land. His vassals threaten to dump him. The clergy threaten to excommunicate him and annul his marriage. When King Guy rides in and goes, "are you done now? You going to quit this tantrum and pay homage to me?" Raymond of Tripoli goes, "Ugh, fine. Who would've thought this'd bite me in the ass?"
They band together, go to war against Saladin, and get their asses royally creamed in 1187. Raymond of Tripoli survives and makes it back to Tripoli, only to get sick and die, hated by everybody. King Guy gets taken prisoner, gets released in 1188, tries another siege, and fails. Queen Sibyl and all her kids die in an epidemic during, and since Guy only got to be king because of her, he gets demoted to being lord of Cyprus (where he apparently doesn't suck.) Saladin conquers damn near all the Frankish East by 1189, including Jerusalem, and executes Raynald of Chattilon. (It's what Raynald would've wanted. He got a nice heroic martyr's death for refusing to convert to Islam.) Count Philip of Flanders tries to go a-crusading in the Middle East again, only to die in an epidemic there in 1191. Little sister Isabel becomes the Queen of Jerusalem in exile until she dies in 1205, and her mother, Baldwin IV's stepmother, outlives them all, dying in 1217.
The kingdom lasted only two years after Baldwin IV.
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Couldn't drag my eyes away from it until I got all the way through. The twists! The schemes! The poor child-royals who never got a break in their whole lives, good lord.
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And yet, he was apparently a pretty decent king, respected and honored by his people, despite being a VERY stigmatized demographic. He probably would've never made it to the throne anywhere or anywhen else; it was a fluke of isolated geography and a constant heir shortage.
It's very interesting seeing the difference in what was considered "adulthood" a thousand years ago. 15 seems to have been the magic number there and then.