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Adventures of Genius Cat, reposted
Today was Genius Cat's memorial. We went to his owner's house, ate bagels with dairy and fish, lit a candle, and told all our best stories of him. In that spirit, I'm reposting some of my old deleted/locked posts about him, in his honor. I have also unlocked previous posts under this tag.
Title: Hearing-Ear Cat (2016/7/10)
This morning, I woke up to my worst nightmare: roomie was out, and one of the apartment smoke detectors was running out of juice.
Because we’re deaf on one side, we can’t locate sounds unless they last long enough that we can walk around or waggle our head to help triangulate the noise. Intermittent short beeping is therefore one of the HARDEST noises for us to locate.
So here I am, wandering around the goddamned apartment waggling my head, desperately trying to locate the noise, and I can not. Slowly descending into madness caused by horrible unstoppable obnoxious beeping, I am about to give up hope, and then I realize: I’m not alone in the apartment! GENIUS CAT IS WITH ME.
Genius Cat hates the beeping too. But he can locate sounds, so he turns and glares at the noise whenever it goes off. So I pick him up and follow the glares!
With his assistance, we locate the smoke detector. It’s in roomie’s room; I never would have found it on my own. [It was not a smoke detector at all, actually; it was a carbon monoxide detector.]
I took out the batteries. The beeping has stopped.
THANK YOU BUTTFACE CAT YOU ARE THE BEST CAT.
Title: Genius Cat’s favorite things (2016/7/10)
* Armpits
* Backpack straps
* Plastic bags that once housed carrots
* Certain fake leather objects
* Really stinky socks
* Brushings
* Cheese
* Yogurt (but fuck low-fat)
* Milk (also fuck low-fat)
Title: None [part of a reblog chain about people's cats] (2016/7/15)
My roommate has called and had phone conversations with Genius Cat when she’s a way long enough that he starts getting crazy. He purrs and rubs his face all over the phone like it’s his baby.
Title: More pics of the photogenic Genius Cat. (2016/8/3)
Title: The proud not-owners (2016/9/27)
It gives us such pride, the number of old friends on Facebook who think we own Genius Cat. (We do not. He belongs to Roomie. We are merely the cat auntle.)
Truly, they must think us great to deserve such a majestic creature.
Title: Genius Cat Dressed For Work (2016/10/20)
Title: Tech Cat Support (2016/10/24)
Today, I am trying to get to the bottom of my scanner woes! The good news is, my old scanner works just fine with my old computer, so I can scan pages while fighting with the drivers on this computer. Alas, while I have two computers and two scanners, I’ve only the one cord, so I got down on my hands and knees to unplug the cord.
Only to feel a light bap, bap, bap atop my fuzzy head.
It was Genius Cat. He was atop my desk and was desperately trying to reach me. But all he could manage was bapping.
Title: The Saddest Genius Cat (2017/1/6)
Genius Cat gets fed both wet and dry food, and not long ago, the big sack of dry food ran empty before his owner could get another one.
Buttface wailed for his breakfast, unable to understand why we weren’t just feeding him, and finally, in an attempt to communicate the situation, our roommate pulled out the empty plastic bin the dry food is kept in, opened it, and turned it on its side so Genius Cat could prove for himself that the food was all gone.
Then she went to go buy more, and that was when I saw Genius Cat climb inside.
And then he started licking the walls.
He got his breakfast in another hour, with a new fresh bag, but I think that was the saddest thing I ever saw him do. Poor Buttface!
Title: Genius Cat update (2017/3/23)
It’s just me with Genius Cat tonight! He’s chilling on my lap, gurgle-purring.
A day or two ago, he got trapped in a plastic bag. (Don’t worry, not in a life-threatening way, he just stuck his head through an ordinary grocery bag handle and couldn’t figure out how to extricate himself for a bit. No choking or strangulation, just a silly kitty!)
He is well and happy and head-butting my hands.
Title: Genius Cat, Mighty Hunter (2017/5/17)
There was an enormous fly trapped in the window. So I opened it.
Genius Cat stalked, hunted, and defeated the fly. And then he ate it.
Good job, Genius Cat. You are a much better fly catcher than me.
Title: Nurse Genius Cat (2017/6/10)
Genius Cat: Hello, human! I see you are on the couch in unhappy position!
Me: uuuuugh *has food poisoning*
Genius Cat: Fear not! I am here to help! First, reflex test! *grooms armpit*
Me: nooooo *pushes away*
Genius Cat: Reflexes okay! How is tummy? *tries to sit on my roiling gut*
Me: NOOOOOO *pushes away*
Genius Cat: I understand! Tummy is un-A-OK! I shall apply pressure and soothing vibration! *curls up elsewhere on me, commences purring*
Me: *lies there for a while*
Me: I feel a little better!
Genius Cat: Treatment is efficacious! Naptime now.
Title: #1 Most Domesticated Animal (2017/8/2)
Genius Cat got his head stuck in a yogurt container tonight. Twice.
He is incapable of getting out of yogurt containers himself. He doesn’t try to bat them off with his paws, just backs around in little circles until someone saves him.
It’s a good thing this cat is a pet because he would never survive outdoors.
Title: Hearing-Ear Cat (2016/7/10)
This morning, I woke up to my worst nightmare: roomie was out, and one of the apartment smoke detectors was running out of juice.
Because we’re deaf on one side, we can’t locate sounds unless they last long enough that we can walk around or waggle our head to help triangulate the noise. Intermittent short beeping is therefore one of the HARDEST noises for us to locate.
So here I am, wandering around the goddamned apartment waggling my head, desperately trying to locate the noise, and I can not. Slowly descending into madness caused by horrible unstoppable obnoxious beeping, I am about to give up hope, and then I realize: I’m not alone in the apartment! GENIUS CAT IS WITH ME.
Genius Cat hates the beeping too. But he can locate sounds, so he turns and glares at the noise whenever it goes off. So I pick him up and follow the glares!
With his assistance, we locate the smoke detector. It’s in roomie’s room; I never would have found it on my own. [It was not a smoke detector at all, actually; it was a carbon monoxide detector.]
I took out the batteries. The beeping has stopped.
THANK YOU BUTTFACE CAT YOU ARE THE BEST CAT.
Title: Genius Cat’s favorite things (2016/7/10)
* Armpits
* Backpack straps
* Plastic bags that once housed carrots
* Certain fake leather objects
* Really stinky socks
* Brushings
* Cheese
* Yogurt (but fuck low-fat)
* Milk (also fuck low-fat)
Title: None [part of a reblog chain about people's cats] (2016/7/15)
My roommate has called and had phone conversations with Genius Cat when she’s a way long enough that he starts getting crazy. He purrs and rubs his face all over the phone like it’s his baby.
Title: More pics of the photogenic Genius Cat. (2016/8/3)
Title: The proud not-owners (2016/9/27)
It gives us such pride, the number of old friends on Facebook who think we own Genius Cat. (We do not. He belongs to Roomie. We are merely the cat auntle.)
Truly, they must think us great to deserve such a majestic creature.
Title: Genius Cat Dressed For Work (2016/10/20)
Title: Tech Cat Support (2016/10/24)
Today, I am trying to get to the bottom of my scanner woes! The good news is, my old scanner works just fine with my old computer, so I can scan pages while fighting with the drivers on this computer. Alas, while I have two computers and two scanners, I’ve only the one cord, so I got down on my hands and knees to unplug the cord.
Only to feel a light bap, bap, bap atop my fuzzy head.
It was Genius Cat. He was atop my desk and was desperately trying to reach me. But all he could manage was bapping.
Title: The Saddest Genius Cat (2017/1/6)
Genius Cat gets fed both wet and dry food, and not long ago, the big sack of dry food ran empty before his owner could get another one.
Buttface wailed for his breakfast, unable to understand why we weren’t just feeding him, and finally, in an attempt to communicate the situation, our roommate pulled out the empty plastic bin the dry food is kept in, opened it, and turned it on its side so Genius Cat could prove for himself that the food was all gone.
Then she went to go buy more, and that was when I saw Genius Cat climb inside.
And then he started licking the walls.
He got his breakfast in another hour, with a new fresh bag, but I think that was the saddest thing I ever saw him do. Poor Buttface!
Title: Genius Cat update (2017/3/23)
It’s just me with Genius Cat tonight! He’s chilling on my lap, gurgle-purring.
A day or two ago, he got trapped in a plastic bag. (Don’t worry, not in a life-threatening way, he just stuck his head through an ordinary grocery bag handle and couldn’t figure out how to extricate himself for a bit. No choking or strangulation, just a silly kitty!)
He is well and happy and head-butting my hands.
Title: Genius Cat, Mighty Hunter (2017/5/17)
There was an enormous fly trapped in the window. So I opened it.
Genius Cat stalked, hunted, and defeated the fly. And then he ate it.
Good job, Genius Cat. You are a much better fly catcher than me.
Title: Nurse Genius Cat (2017/6/10)
Genius Cat: Hello, human! I see you are on the couch in unhappy position!
Me: uuuuugh *has food poisoning*
Genius Cat: Fear not! I am here to help! First, reflex test! *grooms armpit*
Me: nooooo *pushes away*
Genius Cat: Reflexes okay! How is tummy? *tries to sit on my roiling gut*
Me: NOOOOOO *pushes away*
Genius Cat: I understand! Tummy is un-A-OK! I shall apply pressure and soothing vibration! *curls up elsewhere on me, commences purring*
Me: *lies there for a while*
Me: I feel a little better!
Genius Cat: Treatment is efficacious! Naptime now.
Title: #1 Most Domesticated Animal (2017/8/2)
Genius Cat got his head stuck in a yogurt container tonight. Twice.
He is incapable of getting out of yogurt containers himself. He doesn’t try to bat them off with his paws, just backs around in little circles until someone saves him.
It’s a good thing this cat is a pet because he would never survive outdoors.