Polyfrazzlemented

[lb_lee]

A few people have already asked me about the recent fundraiser and the refunds. The short version is: polyfrazzlemented , AKA catlover555 , santorumsoakedpikachu, and space-pikachu, conned me, and now I'm out $632. And that's the least of it.

I've known polyfrazzlemented casually online for a few years. They had access to my memory work filter on my blog, and while I can't say I knew them well, I felt safe considering them a casual friend, and I've cited their essays on hypnosis, animism, and structural dissociation theory. Needless to say, they conduct themselves very differently outside of text.

Polyfrazzlemented disappeared from tumblr, Dreamwidth, and Discord on December 9th, 2020. They left a locked post on catlover555 reading, "If you don't hear from us in the next 24 hours, assume we've been killed. If you have any identifying information on us, please look into our deaths." (screencap available upon request; other people with access to catlover555 can also vouch)

A group of folks who see the post, including me, confer: what do we do? What CAN we do?

I have polyfrazzlemented's legal name and location; we mailed them an AllFam postcard a while back (censored screencap available upon request). I spend the next month and a half on death watch, checking the news and obituaries in their area for bad news.

Last Thursday, on January 28th, 2021, polyfrazzlemented resurface. I receive this email:



I respond, and arrange to call them, which I do the following day, around 3:30.



We talk for about 45 minutes, and it's a surreal conversation.

Polyfrazzlemented tell me they can no longer tell what is real and what isn't. They claim that they and their partner had to flee home because abusers were programming them hypnotically, stealing their food, poisoning them and their cats, and assaulting them. They seem to have forgotten that the pandemic is happening, and apparently they and their partner have spent the past month in this hotel, hypnotizing each other and doing memory work together 24/7. (Don't do this, holy shit.)

I ask what they need most and fastest. They say housing and human contact. They very badly want to meet in person, indoors, and are clearly hoping I'll take them into my home. (I can and will not.) I ask how long they can stay in the hotel, work up a plan involving local social services.

But something about this whole situation feels... off. Their partner is with them; apparently they've also been mind-controlled and abused and are in similar crisis, and yet polyfrazzlemented hasn't voiced any concern about them, or spoken to them at all. I haven't heard a peep from this partner; I only have polyfrazzlemented's word that this person even exists, and if they're saying they can't distinguish what's real...

"Can I speak to your partner? Just to be sure they're alive?"

Pause. "Sure." They sound a little surprised that I would worry.

They pass the phone over. Very different voice. Dead flat. "Hello?"

We switch to Sneak. "Hello, stranger! I don't know you and you don't know me; I'm just checking to make sure you're alive."

"I am alive."

Sneak asks what seems a safe, simple question for a stranger in crisis: "Are your kitties with you?"

"My blood sugar's low. I'm passing you back."

Polyfrazzlemented take the phone back and mention nothing of the cats, but finding crash space for two humans is hard enough, never mind two humans and an unknown number of cats. So again, when we get a chance, we ask, "are your cats with you?"

Silence. And then polyfrazzlemented tell me that they gave their cats to a friend in November. They can't say when, who they gave the cats to, or where this happened, and apparently neither can their partner because they were both compelled to amnesia the cats and hallucinate them for a month, thus why the cats were still on the blog in December. They insist all of this is absolute truth, and then burst into theatrical sobs how I must believe them, they would never abandon their cats to die.

There's no kind way to say this: the tears sound fake. I need to check on those cats.

Futhermore, polyfrazzlemented tell me that I too have been programmed by my abusers, with the implication that my abuse involved far more attackers and exploitation than I know. They're very intuitive about these things, they assure me, and maybe I'm here to help them.

"Let's keep the focus on you for now," I say.

(As a side-note, this is when I know that our relationship is over. I have been public about my abuse history. Unless my brain is pulling one humdinger of a magic act, there is no way I was programmed or used by an organized group of attackers. I just had a shitty family. Nobody gets to undermine me by pretending they know my crazy better than me. But at the time, I did still think that the "fuck you, you don't get to say that to me," could wait until after I was sure they wouldn't freeze to death in the street over the weekend.)

I finish the call. I put up the fundraiser. I go hunting mental hospital recommendations, confer with friends. And the more time I have to think, the worse I feel. Something's wrong.

I need to check on those cats.

I ransack my records and find polyfrazzlemented's mailing address. I dig through their tumblr and Dreamwidth to get photos, names, and health conditions for all five of their cats. Then I call the local animal control.

There's not much they can do, of course, but they say they can knock on the door and leave a notice saying, "Are you caring for the cats here? Please call..." I say thank you and try to make my peace with that.

Animal control call me back later that day.



There was no friend in November, or December, or ever. The cats were abandoned. One is still missing. Animal control found the other four: three alive, one dead.

They abandoned the cats.

They abandoned the cats.

And now one is dead.

And polyfrazzlemented are still texting me, emailing me: do I want to meet up? How am I? I've been so kind, so generous, oh thank you so much! Please call! Please meet!

I stare at a wall for a while. Then I block them on all platforms, refund everyone's money, and send polyfrazzlemented this email:



Too many of my friends know polyfrazzlemented for me to stay silent. They used me. They used my friends. They left their cats to die, and indeed, one of them did.

I'm angry. Maybe you are too. Maybe you want to do something.

Some folks have offered to reimburse me, but I'm fine. Angry, sad, but financially okay. I don't need money right now.

But Amorpha do.

Amorpha really are who and what they say they are; I know, because I was there, in person, lugging boxes and running interference with Astraea. Amorpha are brave and generous. Even homeless, even with recurring dental infections that require surgery, they donated to polyfrazzlemented, who they thought even worse off. That is community and friends I can be proud of, not polyfrazzlemented's cruelty and lies.

I don't want people to tear polyfrazzlemented down; they've already done that themselves. No, I want to build Amorpha up. I'm not nearly as mad about losing the money as I am about losing the ability to send it to my homeless friends. So, if you want to help me or give me money, cut out the middleman and send it to Amorpha instead. (Paypal button at the link.)

Because true revenge isn't living well. It's helping your friends live well.

Comments

[talewisefellowship]

This whole situation has been a serious shock. They were our point of entry to the plural community. I can't believe we respected them and gave them our trust, that they would act this way.

Some information about Freddie: according to Robin, he was rescued from a cat colony that lived (I think) next door, maybe he returned. I am so sad that one died because of their negligence, and I hope the others will be safe.

--Akira

[talewisefellowship]

I am honestly really sad about the cat. What a senseless and preventable death. I can't believe they lied about something like that. I can't believe I trusted them for 3 years.

-- Janusz

[lb_lee]

Yeah, if it is Freddie still missing (the animal control person I spoke to was working off very bare descriptions, so it could also be Phobos), he's the one who seems most likely to be all right. And Phobos is a kitten, so seems more likely to have been caught.

Live well, Freddie.

[beepbird]

Oh jeez, thank you for telling folks about this. We wouldn't have known otherwise and this is definitely one of those things we'd want to know- instant loss of trust there. The manipulation attempt is... yeesh.

This whole mess is horrible and it's a good thing you checked on those cats- thank you for making sure. Even if one died, the others made it and that does matter.

[lb_lee]

Yeah, I would've liked to avoid making this post, but dead animals are another class.

[minoanmiss]

Oh honey I am so, so sorry. :(

[lb_lee]

Yeah. I can't feel much about it anymore. I'm just tired. And sad. Thanks, MM.

[hungryghosts]

We are posting to back up what has been said here.

We did not know PF as long as LB has, but we held them in very warm regard for the time that we did. We had interesting conversations on the limitations of mainstream psychology, especially as an institution, and it was extremely validating to see someone else talk about the intersections of race and plurality. We were glad to consider them part of our little DW plural circle.

When they posted the "if you don't hear from us in 24 hours, assume we're dead" post, we were greatly alarmed. As days turned to weeks, we gave up hope of them being alive, and routinely searched the obituaries for some kind of final confirmation. To say that it was a huge relief to finally hear back from them, two months later, was an understatement. We sent them 200 dollars and immediately contacted some other people who we knew were worried.

That was the end of our own interactions with them. Then LB contacted us with their concerns. We were there, in real time, as they put together the pieces, dug up information on the cats, called Animal Control, and learned the news.

There aren't any words to describe what it was like.

We do think PF's situation was genuinely bad. That they were living in a deteriorating house, that they were struggling with serious conditions that they were unable to find treatment for, that what passes for social welfare in this country had failed them. But that does not change the fact that they abandoned their pets, that they manipulated friends, that they endangered their at-risk partner (and others) by dragging him across states in the middle of a pandemic, and that they invented increasingly outlandish tales to cover all of this up. We no longer know if we can trust anything they say, nor can we trust them not to take advantage of us or others.

We do not wish harm upon them. But they are beyond our ability to help, and for our own safety and others', we are ending our association with them.

We will end this post by strongly seconding LB's recommendation to help Amorpha. Do not go after PF. We have made this post not to bring divine retribution down upon them, but to keep people informed and safe. Please focus your justice upon building up those in need.

Thank you.

[lb_lee]

Yes, I agree that polyfrazzlemented were indeed in a bad situation, even if I'll never know exactly what kind. And now that I've had time for my emotions to settle, I do think they were in psychological crisis.

But community support has limits. We're at best psych street medics, and they were bleeding out on the table. Something like that, you need someone who knows what they're doing, and that's not us.

I hope they get where they need to be. I hope they come out the other side of this and do better next time. But I don't think I can be around them while they do that, if they do that.

[lithophiles]

Not going to lie, the main thing I'm angry about right now is that they did a terrible job at being good animists when they wrote such a good essay about it. They absolutely did not conduct themselves with respect and understanding towards other beings (not to the poor cats, certainly) or with mindfulness about how their actions affect the people and relationships they're connected to. And I had been pointing people to that essay occasionally for explanations of "actually, no, my definition of animism isn't that everything has a sentient soul, it's about a worldview where your actions and awareness are more important than specific beliefs." We weren't close to them, but we thought we might want to be eventually, since we seemed to have some interests and ethics in common.

Well... it is a lesson, I guess, to remind me: pay close attention to what people do rather than focusing on the ideals they claim. Or focusing on the ideals only in the sense of making sure their actual actions line up with those principles. (Bearing in mind that we're all human, and we all slip... but there's a difference between slipping, and jumping down while dragging a bunch of other people with you.)

I know I've had several days to get used to the idea that this is who they really are, but my main feeling now is sadness. That so many people thought they were helping them, and they weren't. That we don't know how to help some of the people involved in this. That sometimes we just have to drift away when a situation is beyond our control. I just... wish it hadn't turned out this way and I feel kind of like a 5-year-old who's shocked to discover the world isn't fair.

I do want to add, since you mentioned it: We'll forever appreciate your help in moving our stuff and getting us away from Astraea. We want to strive to continue to be someone you can call brave and generous, to be worthy of those compliments.

I don't... know what else to say.

-Istevia

[ex_not643]

I'm sad about this entire mess as well, Istevia. I'm really sorry, yet again, that they were so hypocritical. They may have posted about all their principles, but when it came to actually putting them into practice, they failed miserably.

There's part of me that thinks that there may be some residual good in them, that there may be something legitimate to what they've written, but I just can't make it work with the evidence I've seen.

~K.

[nevanna]

I'm so sorry this happened. I remember how worried you were about those people when you told me about their message, last time we saw each other in person. I've sent some money to Amorpha, and for whatever it's worth, I'm proud of you guys for how you navigated this explosion of terrible, harmful behavior.

[lb_lee]

Thanks, Neva. I hope this sad story vets a happier ending, but if so, I'll likely never know.

As it is, I'm just TIRED.

[ex_not643]

Although we weren't close to Polyfrazzlemented at all – we only started talking to them a few months ago – we did read some of their writing and had heard about them through friends like LB and the Rhymers. When we heard about their disappearance, we were worried because they'd hinted that they were in grave danger. Mori and Rogan of LB came to us last week with their concerns, and we decided that after hearing about the abandoned cats, the QAnon-worthy conspiracy theories they conjured up to cover themselves, the hypocrisy and the gaslighting, we didn't think it was healthy for us to continue talking to them in any capacity. It's a shame, because they were one of the few systems of colour we'd seen writing about plurality and race. We've written about it, but we don't want to be the only system doing it. Like lithophiles^Istevia, I'm mostly sad about the entire affair, because we thought we'd found another system that we might be able to talk to about certain difficult topics.

Thank you for handling this so honourably, by the way. I don't want them to be harmed; I just want them to stop lying, cheating and mistreating other people. I think it's clear from the tone of your post that you don't want that, either. I hope they're able to get the help they need without exploiting others to get it.

~Kerry

[lb_lee]

Yeah, anyone who goes to harass or badger polyfrazzlemented is an asshole and gets my full condemnation. That's not what I want anyone to do; it just feeds into the worldview that likely made them think they had to cheat and lie in the first place.

[the_network]

I'm so sorry this happened, we didn't know them at all but nonetheless it's so wild that someone could do something like this.

[lb_lee]

The sad part is, this isn't even the weirdest or most awful experience I've had with my fellow plurals. This is the first one with incontrovertible animal abandonment though.

[writerkit]

They messaged me after I left a comment on something you wrote saying they knew me in the real world from the SCA years ago and told me the name they were using back then; I didn't remember it and one of my friends who was also around back then didn't remember it, and they didn't say anything else when I responded that it was probably one of those situations where I'd remember the face but not the name... and I didn't think anything of it at the time--there were plenty of people I only knew peripherally-- but in light of this it seems a bit weirder; I'm pretty sure all the people who'd offhand know my username would be people whose names I'd remember if mentioned.

[lb_lee]

Strange! I had no idea they were ever in the SCA. But then, it's clear there's a lot I didn't know about them.

[erinptah]

It's terrible this situation came up in the first place, but that was some quick and thoughtful detective work on your part, and it sounds like you absolutely saved the lives of those three cats. Nicely done.

[lb_lee]

I mean, animal control had found them independently it sounds like. But thank you regardless.

[wingedcatgirl]

@.@

That's

aaaaaaaaa

that's all I have to say about that, cause aaaaaaaa

[lb_lee]

Seriously. My brain basically spent that whole week saying aaaaaaaaaaaah.

[stealthsystem]

Posting to back up what is posted here. Our main feeling is betrayal, disgust and fury.

[lb_lee]

Yeah, at this point I'm just exhausted. I just want to sleep for a week.

[itsamellama]

How horrible. I’m so sorry this happened.

[lb_lee]

Me too. What a trainwreck.

[gingicat]

I sent what I could.

[lb_lee]

Thank you so much.

[someonefromthewater]

Holy shit, that's... >_< Will send if my own financial situation stabilizes next week.

[lb_lee]

Thanks. Yeah, it's been a week.

[chanter1944]

... Oh, jeez. :( Is there any way for people to contribute to helping the abandoned kitties? Call me completely predictable, and also a random whoever on the Internet, but I have to ask.

[lb_lee]

Oh jeez that's a good question but one I don't know the answer to! The calls have stopped so all I know is that three of the cats are with the local animal control. But if there's a specific shelter that took them in, I don't know about it! Sorry.

[sinistmer]

I'm so sorry this happened. It sounds very difficult to process--my thoughts are with you and others who interacted with them.

[starfallhaven]

I...wow. We didn't know them personally, but we enjoyed the essays they posted. I can't imagine how this feels for you all that were closer. We'll try to send some stuff Amorpha's way when our paycheck hits on the tenth. I hope the cats that are still alive turn out okay.

[lb_lee]

Yeah. Obviously I don't feel okay citing their essays on hypnosis, altered states and memory work, and animism now, seeing how all that turned out! Eesh.

I hope the kitties do okay too.

[yogalily]

I'm afraid my thought process starts and stops with: the cats. The cats. The cats.

No wonder this week has been such hell for you.

[mint_phalanx]

Same. Anyone who hurts cats loses my respect.

[we_are_spc]

1) Pollyfrazzlemented always seemed off to us. Some of 7us wanted to friend them. This was the one time, that I'm aware of, that we didn't. Kae and Craimar (In tyhe back of all things) put their foots down and said *nopenopenope*.

Once we start our job, we might be able to donate to Amorrpha, but right now we're at the end of trying to get our house out of foreclosure.

Which...we have the money to do, it's just getting it to the Lawyers now.

2) Holy shit, the cats. :( >.< I'm sorry for you, and the fact that you still want to help homeless friends after this is a testament to ya'll's rezilliant character. I'm sorry they broke your trust this way, and we consider y'll good acquaintances (Bordering on outright friends due to some of the things we know/have done for you folks) and this hurts for that reason alone. :/ P:(

Good thoughts being sent to you all that you continue to heal from this betrayal, and find an even better friend to replace their shitty friendship with. <3

-Trausio~

[lithophiles]

Oh dudes, it sounds like you also got in deep shit yourselves right now. Focus on dealing with the foreclosure and the lawyers for now, and only send money if you're absolutely certain you can afford it.

-Lotte

[numb3r_5ev3n]

I'm just seeing this. I'm so sorry. That's so terrible. I just can't fucking imagine abandoning the cats.