Rogan: yuuuuup. It's weird, because we've even experienced two living headmates becoming one, and that felt perfectly okay and fine. (Miranda and Lollyanna split off the same girl at the same time, and they were only separate for like a year and a half before merging, and it really did seem to be for the best. We've known folks who temporarily became singlet, or were an extremely small roster to begin with, and I feel way less "twedgy" (thanks, ysabetwordsmith!) about that. Maybe because the binary feels less solid that way, less "mansion vs. Dumpster."
"Society doesnt want us to exist and here is proof they can make it happen with enough elbow grease- make us not exist in a way that doesnt even leave us our selfhood in death."
Yes! This! At least when Lolly merged with Miranda, it was completely spontaneous and not done under pressure; I don't know that we had even TOLD anyone of our existence back then! And arguably our memory work is just integrating shitloads of memory fragments, but we've found far more comfort treating it as laying the dead to rest, relieving them of their burdens.
The painful part that twedges me seems to be more the social, complete nature of the transition: not just a roster change, but the permanent removal of the roster at all.
Though having those singletizing resources also makes me think about how I also don't feel comfortable having resources on making a headmate (that is, a singlet becoming plural on purpose). In fact, it bothers me even more deeply that the "becoming singlet" resources do, and I'm not sure why? Maybe because splitting new headmates for us is always soul-shatteringly painful? Fears that folks will treat their new headmate like a dollar-store goldfish or a punching bag? (And such headmate would have no recourse?) Am I in the end just policing the boundary as much as anyone else?
I totally know why becoming singlet makes me feel weird. I don't quite get why I feel weird about the reverse.
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"Society doesnt want us to exist and here is proof they can make it happen with enough elbow grease- make us not exist in a way that doesnt even leave us our selfhood in death."
Yes! This! At least when Lolly merged with Miranda, it was completely spontaneous and not done under pressure; I don't know that we had even TOLD anyone of our existence back then! And arguably our memory work is just integrating shitloads of memory fragments, but we've found far more comfort treating it as laying the dead to rest, relieving them of their burdens.
The painful part that twedges me seems to be more the social, complete nature of the transition: not just a roster change, but the permanent removal of the roster at all.
Though having those singletizing resources also makes me think about how I also don't feel comfortable having resources on making a headmate (that is, a singlet becoming plural on purpose). In fact, it bothers me even more deeply that the "becoming singlet" resources do, and I'm not sure why? Maybe because splitting new headmates for us is always soul-shatteringly painful? Fears that folks will treat their new headmate like a dollar-store goldfish or a punching bag? (And such headmate would have no recourse?) Am I in the end just policing the boundary as much as anyone else?
I totally know why becoming singlet makes me feel weird. I don't quite get why I feel weird about the reverse.