lb_lee: A happy little brain with a bandage on it, surrounded by a circle and the words LB Lee. (Default)
The Mother of All Plagues
Series: Reverend Alpert
Word Count: 2000
Summary: Perfection and Reverend Alpert encounter something they can't fight.
Notes: This story was sponsored by the Patreon crew, and is the only Alpert story not to be in chronological order; it comes after The Deity of Forever Road and before The Librarian. With this story, the first arc of the Reverend Alpert stories is concluded; the next arc will focus on Most Revered Dorothy Ives.


By now, Perfection had long since learned the rules and rhythms of the road. The days fell into a pattern: she and Alpert would wake, have breakfast (a mix of provisions, supplemented by Perfection’s hunting and Alpert’s gathering), and clean up. Then, while Perfection took down their tent and started packing up, Alpert would cast a direction work.

Read more... )
lb_lee: A pencil sketch of me drawing/writing in my sketchpad. (art)

In case you ever wondered what Reverend Alpert sounds like in my head, his voice sounds exactly like Greg Brown’s here.

lb_lee: A pencil sketch of me drawing/writing in my sketchpad. (art)
Perfection's Birthday
Series: Reverend Alpert
Word Count: 3000
Summary: It was one year ago that Perfection met Alpert, and she wants something very special...
Notes: This story was prompted by Megan and rolodexaspirin, and sponsored by the Patreon crowd! Extra thanks go to Megan, who kindly let me play with her character Puck for a little while. (You can read Puck's first appearance here, and see pictures of her here and here.) Also, instead of an illustration, I gave this story the word-count it deserved.  Happy birthday, Perfection!  Further notes at bottom.


The letter burst into life outside the window, stuck to the Ace of Wands.

Alpert sighed. “Dorothy Ives. What could she want now...”

“Mine! It's mine!” Perfection cried, crawling over the back of her chair and taking a flying leap to the window so as to snatch the letter before Alpert could move to look at it.

“Yours?”

Perfection was already shoving him out the door, letter clutched in her teeth. “Yup! Mine! Get out, go find a job or something!”

And Alpert found himself unceremoniously ejected from his own inn room, perplexed and a little indignant.Read more... )
lb_lee: A pencil sketch of me drawing/writing in my sketchpad. (art)

This month is the fifth anniversary of the Reverend Alpert series!  Goodness, how far things have come in five years and twenty stories.  Please enjoy this ridiculous comic I did specifically for the occasion, to explain the last face from the emoji meme.  Alpert is so reserved all the time, I figured there HAD to be a hilarious story behind that story. (Also, please enjoy the difference between GIMP and MangaStudio.)

Image behind the cut )And the text version for my blind fans!

The script )
lb_lee: A pencil sketch of me drawing/writing in my sketchpad. (art)
The Librarian
Universe: Reverend Alpert
Word Count: 2200
Summary: Most Revered Dorothy Ives has to deal with the ghosts from her past and present, along with an unexpected letter.
Notes: This is the first story under my new pay rate! Thanks to everyone who voted, and special thanks to the Patreon crew for sponsoring this story, and being so generous that I was able to expand it.  This is possibly the first Alpert story that I haven't felt really squished by.  More notes at the bottom.


The letter arrived the most mundane way possible, with a tradesman peddling toys and geegaws for the Gestaltist High Church acolytes. When the battered envelope finally landed on Dorothy Ives's desk, it had obviously been through an adventure; the corners were singed, another chewed on, and the marks of a good half dozen peddlers and Good Samaritans decorated the back, marking its progress up Forever Road and through the Scattered Cities. Miraculously, it had not only arrived, but remained unopened. The handwriting was unfamiliar.

Read more... )
lb_lee: A pencil sketch of me drawing/writing in my sketchpad. (art)
An aesthetic meme; I saw creatore-magico on LJ doing it and it seemed cool, so here's mine for a few of my series!
Reverend Alpert, Princess and Monster, and Infinity Smashed )
lb_lee: A pencil sketch of me drawing/writing in my sketchpad. (art)
Well, I finished the Emoji Meme! I hope you enjoy the art as much as I enjoyed making them!

EDIT: forgot one!  Added Mori's wingman face.

Lots of silly faces behind the cut! )
lb_lee: A pencil sketch of me drawing/writing in my sketchpad. (art)
The Deity of Forever Road
Universe: Reverend Alpert
Word Count: 1333
Summary: Lupa is a very good dog, and when she dies, she protects a stretch of highway.
Notes: This story was supported by the Patreon crew: Alex Feinman, Nat Ford, Suzanne Hillman, KC Clearwater, Kaylin, Caelyn Sandel, Holly Bianchi, Bitmap Prager, Anna Mudd, cloudiah, Lydean Kenzall, Jay Toves, Sara Gussin, Seamus Johnston, and Anonymous! Thank you very much! More notes at the end.


The Forever Road had once been the longest unbroken interstate highway in the country, stretching from border to border, north to south. Even after the Plagues, it was still a major thoroughfare of trade. A long expanse of crumbling asphalt, stone or packed dirt (depending on the area), it stretched through the Scattered Cities, linking the numerous towns and settlements that relied on it for trade.

Lupa had died there, secure in the knowledge that she was a very good dog.

Read more... )
lb_lee: A happy little brain with a bandage on it, surrounded by a circle and the words LB Lee. (ward)
The Corpse Child
Universe: Reverend Alpert's
Word Count: 2400
Summary: Perfection takes on her first case involving a child who has died but refuses to acknowledge it.
Notes: This story was prompted by Megan, won the December Patreon poll, and it was sponsored by the Patreon crew: [personal profile] inurashii , [personal profile] hanasaseru , Maddie, Seamus, Sara, contrapangloss, cloudiah, [personal profile] wispfox , Natalie, Jay, [personal profile] metahacker , Anna, Jessica, [personal profile] silvercat17 , kaylin881, and KC Clearwater! It's also the first time in ages I've really gotten to stretch my wings with the new wordcount, woo! More notes at the bottom.


The cities had been the first to fall, during the Plagues, and they were still such a part of life that everyone automatically accommodated the risk. The people here lived up high, in modular homes accessible only by ropes, ladders, and easily collapsed bridges. Their gardens and crops were grown on rooftops and balconies, and those fields that needed to be at the ground level were surrounded with moats and ditches so that plague zombies wouldn't trample through them. Here, the people scratched humble lives from the bones of their old civilization.

Read more... )
lb_lee: A pencil sketch of me drawing/writing in my sketchpad. (art)
The Heirlooms
Length: 1320
Summary: While gathering valuables from a city taken by plague zombies, Alpert and Perfection get separated, and Perfection has her first experience of true physical pain.
Notes: this was one of the winners of the May/June Patreon Poll. It's a leftover from Selfathon, was prompted by Lydean, and sponsored by zer and the Patreon crowd!

“We aren't going to clean the city?”

“Can't,” Alpert said, adjusting a strap. “It'd take an army. All we can do is return the valuables we're paid to find.” He stood up to look over her new coverall. “There. Do you like it?”

“No.” It was dingy gray, covered in pockets, and absolutely hideous. “But my dress isn't for working. I'll take it.”

“We'll have to part ways for this. You know what to do if they swarm?”

“Get to high ground, find a safe place, wait them out,” Perfection said. “Don't fight, and don't ignore your advice.”

The last bit made him smile. “Good girl. Fascinating as it would be to find out if you're immune to plague, I'd rather not test it. Good luck.”

And they split up.

Read more... )
lb_lee: A happy little brain with a bandage on it, surrounded by a circle and the words LB Lee. (ward)
The Terror-Eater
Word Count: 1500
Summary: Alpert and Perfection encounter a carnivorous shape-shifter who embodies its audience's worst fears, which leads to a very uncomfortable conversation.
Notes: Leftover from Fearathon, this story was prompted by Megan, who came up with the idea of the monster therein. It was sponsored by the Patreon peeps! More notes at the end.


The Gestaltist acolyte lecture hall was big, open, with stained glass windows. It was also completely deserted—evacuated, actually. Perfection had tracked the reek of supernatural terror to the biggest classroom, where she crouched with Dorothy Ives and Reverend Alpert, who were irritated.

“Whose fault is this?” Alpert whispered.

That's my job,” Dorothy Ives hissed back. “Do yours, help me with the terror-eater, and you can get out of here for another year.”

Read more... )
lb_lee: A happy little brain with a bandage on it, surrounded by a circle and the words LB Lee. (ward)
Hey everybody!  This story was originally prompted by rolodexaspirin, and it was funded by a combo of the Patreon crew, and Lydean!  Enjoy!

Alpert’s Son
Word Count: 1500
Summary: To train her for their upcoming work in the Scattered Cities, Alpert introduces Perfection to his son, Zachary.
Notes: I never thought I’d get to utilize that one-off line from The Sins-of-Flesh Demon, and planned to retcon it out until now.  I’m not sorry.


Alpert and Perfection stood in front of the central church chicken farm.  Roosters and hens toddled around their legs, clucking peaceably, and people were loading a wagon with eggs and meat.  Feathers were everywhere, and the smell of poultry was overpowering.

Alpert said to one of the people loading the wagon, “My associate is here to see Zachary.”

The man gave Perfection an odd look, but went to ask his supervisor.  When he left, Perfection asked, “Your son lives here?  I thought he was an authority on plague zombies.”

“In a manner of speaking.  He’s also the chicken slaughterer.  Spend some time with him, learn what you can.  And please, be polite to him.”

Read more... )
lb_lee: A happy little brain with a bandage on it, surrounded by a circle and the words LB Lee. (ward)
Oh thank god, finally, the Genie has been fully funded!  You can read the whole story here. (Or here, if you prefer DW)

I am so relieved too, the crossposting wasn't working on either it OR the Welcome Post, which meant I had to hand-do both the word counts AND the story itself, twice, every time anything new went up.  UGH.

This story ends what I consider the first arc of Reverend Alpert.  Things are going to get changed up a little in the next one!

Alpert's Son is now opened up for funding!

lb_lee: Tiny scribbly man waving his arms while the yellow background is filled with red naughty words (ffffff)
Ugggh.  Welp, apparently I have recovered from the flu vaccine only to have caught a sore throat from somebody else.  Body, no.  This is the OPPOSITE of what I wanted!

*settles in with lemon balm tea, chili, and cough drops* :(

Anyway The Genie now is mostly posted!  Right now, with the half-price sale going, there is only $4.50 left to fund it entirely!  We'll see if I manage anything else in this condition.  Hopefully delays won't be too bad.

lb_lee: A happy little brain with a bandage on it, surrounded by a circle and the words LB Lee. (ward)
This story was inspired by [livejournal.com profile] rolodexaspirin and [livejournal.com profile] ysabetwordsmith, and was sponsored by the general fund, plus the Patreon crowd: Holly Bianchi, Caelyn Sandel, B. M. Prager, Lydian Kenzall, Patricia Gerrdes, and AnonWV!

EDIT: [livejournal.com profile] rolodexaspirin (Patreon here) made this awesome sketch illustration for the story!



The Genie

“You’re sure you don’t want to come?”

“A church full of people like you?  I’ll pass.”

Read more... )
lb_lee: A happy little brain with a bandage on it, surrounded by a circle and the words LB Lee. (ward)
This story won the free money poll!  It was prompted by Megan, who asked for the premise of one young person's opinions having control over a town, and it was sponsored by cloudiah and AnonSwede!  You really, REALLY need to read the Greenwitch before you read this.  Enjoy!


The Blood Gestaltist

Now in first person! )
lb_lee: A pencil sketch of me drawing/writing in my sketchpad. (art)
Hey guys!  While the writeathon bonus poll continues unabated, [livejournal.com profile] rolodexaspirin donated a couple hundred words towards the Greenwitch!  The weather gets worse, and Alpert and Perfection are starting to worry, when...
lb_lee: A happy little brain with a bandage on it, surrounded by a circle and the words LB Lee. (Default)
Lots of images behind this cut! )

Hey guys!  At request of a friend of mine, I decided to upload the chalk works from Reverend Alpert.  These are the diagrams Alpert draws to exorcise, ward, and direct himself to his next case.

I’m actually pretty proud of the system I came up with for this, since I’m about as mathematical and geometrical as Silly Putty.  However, I wanted to make a system that followed a simple, versatile system, looked good, and that Alpert could whip out fairly quickly once he got the hang of free-handing circles and straight lines. (He spent a LOT of his first years as a chalk exorcist on his hands and knees, fighting with a compass and straight-edge.  He actually WANTED to choose a medium that required forethought and precision over instant sloppy power.)

The basic system is pretty simple: circles are for purification, triangles for warning, convex polygons are defensive, concave polygons are offensive. The more vertexes a polygon has, the more powerful they are and also the more energy they drain.  If Alpert is too worn out, he can’t power his works.

Chaining multiple works together doesn’t make them any more powerful; it just means when one goes dead, another will instantly take over.  No matter how spry Alpert is, all works eventually burn out.  Some shapes are more stable than others; wards can last all night if nothing trips them, while binding stars burn out within an hour or less.  Except for Veggie Star up there, which was designed specifically to last a long time, at the cost of power.  It’s good for exorcising bushels of possessed produce, but not much else, which is why Perfection can walk on it.

There’s more, but that’s the basics!

lb_lee: A pencil sketch of me drawing/writing in my sketchpad. (art)
Hi everyone!  This might seem a little strange, but I am reposting an edited version of the first Reverend Alpert story, which was originally entitled Exorcism.  That story was originally written without any intent of a follow-up, so I hadn't figured out what I was doing or where I was going with it yet.  Also, it was done entirely in the comments.

So please enjoy this revised version of the first Alpert story!  There be BDSM chalk-kink porn ahead!

The Sins-of-Flesh Demon


Reverend Alpert was being haunted by a demon.

Read more... )
lb_lee: A happy little brain with a bandage on it, surrounded by a circle and the words LB Lee. (ward)
Hi everybody!  This is the next Reverend Alpert story guys, and like the Thing in the Drain before it, it's a microfunder--meaning, you can toss however much money you want, and I'll put up the corresponding number of words.  As always, you can hit our donate button on our profile here.

3000 of 3000 words sponsored!  Sponsors include Unimaginative of Mammoth, cloudiah of Mammoth, AnonSwede, and [livejournal.com profile] rolodexaspirin!  Thanks and enjoy!

the Greenwitch

After the bathhouse, travel went smoothly for a while, and Alpert noted that Perfection seemed to be taking a great deal of interest in the world around her.  On the sunny days, she chased butterflies and crickets, catching and examining them closely within the cage of her claws.  She didn’t hurt them; she seemed fascinated by them—their colors, their chirps, their erratic movement.  As Alpert watched her, he realized he had absolutely no idea how much she knew or understood of the world.

Read more... )
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