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[personal profile] lb_lee
More 2009 edits and reposts.  Wow, I didn't realize I ever posted anything with the never-to-be-finished alien cuddle romance.  Here you go, guys, enjoy this random snippet from a larger project that never got finished or posted!  Complete with an illustration even!

To Lose Oneself
Series: Cuddlelove aliens
Word Count: very short
Summary: Baku loses itself to its past, and suffers the effects.
Notes: For context: Baku is one of the only survivors of a hive-mind, desperately trying to adjust to life as an individual.  It's the blue being.  Ruuj is the big fuzzy brown guy, and he's an "outbreed," born to two different species and suffering from the health problems therein.  He's always been the only one of his kind; Baku's still getting used to it.

Baku, a scrawny amphibious blue entity with a tentacled fringe around its head, cuddles a long fuzzy ear of Ruuj, a big brown guy with three arms who isn't used to such treatment.

Baku headed the charge.  It was naturally a front-runner; its long legs effortlessly outpaced the Detekens, and Ruuj was too slow to do anything but bring up the rear.  For a moment, it allowed itself the pure pleasure of sprinting, feeling its circulation rush, its heart pound, lose all confusing concepts of identity in the raw exertion of running.

Because of its distraction, it was the one to take the powder bomb to the face.  It didn't hurt, only burst on impact like a spore, but Baku's vision was immediately obscured white, and it dropped, shaking its head, trying to clear the obstruction from its membranes.

And then it smelled... oh!  Oh, it smelled Home... like SoLarre...

Baku's mind fogged pleasantly.  Its mind filled with a chorus of heartbeats, a whisper of constant love and forgiveness.  An orchestra, with a pulse as its rhythm and nerve endings as its melody, with a constant, beautiful mind-song of thought. 'You are not Baku,' said the song, 'you are SoLarre, you are One, never alone, never lonely, never cold, you will never leave the homeland and the Warm again...'

Baku smiled beatifically, and gave itself rapturously to being, once again, merely one cell in the whole, organic, constantly growing, constantly metamorphosing body that was SoLarre.  The blindness no longer mattered; the constant moist hug of bodies, the scents of all things, an oh, the SONGS...

For an infinite instant, Baku was no longer Baku.

And then it woke up in Detox, with a gas mask on its face and its membranes wiped clear.  For a moment, it remembered nothing, felt only loss, and it clawed at the gas mask until a burly Deteken pinned down its limbs, and the touch was Wrong, and the language was Wrong, and everything, everything was WRONG...

The sedative was a relief.

Baku woke up as Baku again, to find Ruuj squatting at its bunk, squinting dutifully at a manual.  As though sensing the change, Ruuj's ears twitched and he looked up, snuffing quietly.

"So you're up."

Baku curled on its side, feeling its color wane. "You didn't have to wait for me."

"Bah.  Had to check on you.  You inhaled a test product; you're lucky you're not completely mad." He cocked his head. "You're a bad shade of blue.  Do you need...?"

Baku sighed, felt the deep ache in its core.  Yes, it did need.  But at the moment, Ruuj seemed a poor, shoddy substitute.  Ruuj was a friend, but he would never, never be SoLarre.  He would never be Right.

"Yes," it said, and its voice sounded dead, even to itself, "yes, that would be good of you."

Ruuj was apparently getting more observant over time.  He lifted himself ponderously and stumped to the bunk.  It was too high up for him to climb, and too fragile to sustain his weight anyway, so he stood and opened his arms, and Baku crawled into them.

It was all right.  But it wasn't Right.  The transfer wasn't nearly as satisfying as Baku was used to.  Or perhaps it had simply remembered what the real thing was like.

"What did you see?" Ruuj asked it.

Baku buried its face in Ruuj's neck, seeking solace in the familiar threads of muscle. "SoLarre," it replied. "I was SoLarre."

Ruuj squeezed it so tightly that Baku had to relax.  It inhaled.  Deep, musky, not at all SoLarre but still soothing in its familiarity. "Ah.  Yes, that... that would've been bad."

"More than you could understand."

For a moment, Baku felt bitter jealousy.  Ruuj had been a single entity, independent and alone, since he had been (that alien concept) "born." How would HE, of anyone, understand the loss, the agony of being SoLarre again, only to lose it to a gas mask and natural metabolism?

Ruuj petted its back in silence and let Baku hurt.

Then he said, in a tone quietly envious, "At least you had it in the first place."

Baku felt its color improve. "You are very bad at this," it informed him.

But his bitterness helped.  At least its feelings were mutual.

Date: 2017-02-13 12:23 am (UTC)
natf: (Default)
From: [personal profile] natf
I loved this!

A couple of spelling/typo/grammar picks:

"bring up the flank"
The flank is the side. Perhaps you meant the rear?

"and to fragile to sustain"
and toO fragile to sustain
Edited Date: 2017-02-13 12:28 am (UTC)
Page generated Sep. 26th, 2017 06:01 pm
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