lb_lee: M.D. making a shocked, confused face (serious thought)
[personal profile] lb_lee
Coming out multiple has been a slow, often painful progress.  In the beginning, we weren't out to anyone offline, and then, over the course of six years, the circle slowly opened up more and more until now even the government knows. (That, alas, was NOT something I had control over. *sigh* Oh well.)

So you can imagine my annoyance when people flat-out tell me we CAN'T come out.  Some multiples take it weirdly personally, to the point of getting angry, as though by coming out, I'm judging them or forcing them out. (Even though that's absurd; people do what they have to do, and their life choices are none of my business.)

Among the reasons I've been told why we can't (shouldn't) come out:
  • It's impossible. (You go tell the Troops of Truddi Chase that when they came out in the eighties.)
  • It's selfish.
  • It's cruel.
  • Only attention whores come out.  If you're an attention whore, then you prove the trolls right. (...sure, buddy.)
  • Singlets are delicate flowers who can't handle the truth.
  • I handle faking singlet fine, so YOU should too. (Yes, because we're totally you.)

The way folks act, you'd think coming out multiple is like going to a party, jumping on the snack table, and tearing your clothes off while screaming, "I'M A MULTIPLE PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" and then refusing to talk about anything but headspace adventures ever again.  Which is absurd.  The vast majority of our coming outs go like this:

Us: "We're multiple."
Them: "Okay.  I know nothing about that."
Us: "Here're a couple comics and our website."
Them: "Cool, thanks.  So how about them Red Sox?"

It's not a big deal.  The newbie asks a few questions, reads on their own time, and we get on with life.  There's a reason I come out to people so quickly, and it's so we can part ways before getting too attached.  Saves everyone time and heartache. (People in government are a different story, but that's another post.) Despite the lumps and bumps, we have many friends and acquaintances who are unbothered.  To them, our multi is merely something to take into account, like so-and-so being trans or whatsherface being terrified of animals and allergic to nightshades.  So obviously singlets are less fragile than people tell me.

But I don't think that's REALLY why multiples tell me not to come out.  Really, I think they get so mad because they've already decided they can't come out, and need other people to conform to their worldview to justify it to themselves.  How dare we come out?  How dare we not be punished for being such a selfish sack of shit?  Never mind that my DID books have freakin' sections on how to come out to a doctor, workplace, or child, only a horrible person would come out!  Yeah, that doesn't sound like projection AT ALL.

I have no issues with people who are closeted.  You do what you have to do.  Your life is yours, and my life is mine.  Let's keep it that way.

Date: 2015-04-11 02:56 am (UTC)
ljlee: (shrug)
From: [personal profile] ljlee
we have many friends and acquaintances who are unbothered.

In a way it's a good filtering mechanism, since the people who stay are the people who don't need their achy-breaky psyches protected from the truth. As you say, best to part ways early on if it's going to be an issue.

Honestly, I find it insulting that singlets are all supposed to be these fragile and close-minded beings who have to be kept from the TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TROOOOTH WOOOOO no matter what the cost. Obviously some of us are, which is awful and rage-making and may have traumatized these multis who want everyone to stay in the closet where it's safe. That's their own choice to make, but trying and bully and scare others into doing the same? Not cool at all.
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